• Flipped Script

    Keystrokes ring out like gunshotson her old second-hand typewriter.She's writing something betweenher auto-biography and her manifesto. It's a first draft,but it always will be.Her life is a 30-something-year runtimeB-moviewith no director,terrible dialogueand more plot holesthan Sharknado 3. Her story is toldas a stream of barely-conciousness,a train of thoughtwith no brakesand no tracksjust a headingand a pair of crossedcalloused fingers. But the pages she's writtenhave already been releasedand the critics tore her to shredsand the reviews will not be ...

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    Tags:
    life history,
    divorce,
    movie
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  • My Spiritual Disability Insight

    Graspingly, I say to myself, “O to have been healthily and effectively schooled in the functions and mechanisms of a genuine Faith.”If I was going to adopt one, as a young man, I would find that the basic tools with which to make it work in the world, malfunctioned even before I could begin.The cruel irony was I had a healthy desire to practice but felt spiritually dis-empowered by the schizophrenia. I was very poor ...

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    Tags:
    insight
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  • Without nature

    Without nature I would be bereftonly people to cling tono surrounding beauty  Nature has given us this worldlet it beTo do what's intended Set it free Without nature I would be lost would you?    

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    Tags:
    taking,
    control
  • What You Need To Know About Anxiety Disorders

    What You Need To Know About AnxietyAnxiety is like having a hive of buzzing wasps in your brain. It is constantly making noise. Incessantly reminding you of all the mistakes you've made, what you haven't been able to do yet, how to avoid doing anything 'wrong' -but still coming away from every interaction beating yourself up and worrying people will leave you, never feeling you've done something 'good enough'.It is over-analysing every comment, action,tone of ...

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    Tags:
    #relate,
    #anxiety,
    #whatitfeelslike,
    #myexperience,
    #reality
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  • I can do this!

    I go back to uni today! I’m determined not to let my aniexty get the best of me. I will be alright. Last night, I was overthinking and sinking into old habits of negative thoughts and excuses. But today, I will be fine. I have to tell myself this, what other option do I have? I will get up, finish packing, pray I can get the last bits in the car, say goodbye to siblings ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    stress,
    setting goals,
    Overthinking,
    Worry
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  • Diffusing My Atomic Heart

    Knowing how to diffuse an arsenal of emotions is part of my well being and education. As the pressing tide of illness sweeps back and forth I am conscious I must not yield to it.I must mitigate this flow somehow while coping with reality. I would rather not be put to the test so often, as I go about hard wired in the pursuit of providing.I have two hearts. One at peace the other ready ...

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    Tags:
    self,
    regulation
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  • 10 years

    Too long the pain of self inflicted misery Had me stuck behind a wall of avoidant behaviour A rhythm in mismanagement For my lack of action, I didn't deserve any sympathy But how can one be questioned,When the subject at hand embodies grief larger than our landA man is made of many things, courage does not just befall himHarbour no ill feelingFor time will always be your friend This is my destiny Cracks ...

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    Tags:
    bereavement,
    grief,
    evolution,
    thehereandnow
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  • Love Doesn't Seem A Part Of Me

    Why do I seem so different,From everyone else I see,Smiling, laughing and in love,While I’m partnered with misery Why does my heart beat,At such a slow and irregular pace,Maybe that’s the reason,I’m always last in love’s race Maybe it’s my head that’s to blame,Too anxious and too down,People can’t see past the mask I wear,The one forever painted with a frown It’s bound to lie with the nerves I’ve frayed,Only pulsing with the pain,The hurt, sorrow, grief and ...

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  • Coping With The Times

     Help, I am so scared like I am about to fall off a tall ladder when my health faces challenges in the work place. Its ironic that I could make myself more ill trying to stay well. I could try so hard that I would do myself an injury. I have my limitations. God save me.I have to push on my boundaries without inflicting damage on myself. I do not want to make myself worse ...

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  • A Prisoner of Work

    A Prisoner of Work I stand in-front of my second hand mirror, a hand me down from a friend. I’d spent ages polishing the worn walnut frame and once misty glass. I step back to admire it’s transformation. A relict from the past which now helped set off my modern living room with it’s comfy cotton couches and the units that housed all the little mementos of my life so far. Photographs ...

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  • The Dimensions And Structure Of My Psychosis

    At the centre of my affliction lie all my paranoid fears. From the tiniest of unreal-isms to the greatest.Moreover the foundation of my mind is shaken regularly by “Someone” who hates me.That “person, spirit or thought” could evolve from me or come from others. It might be an impression that has developed awry according to the accepted reality of the outside world. It is always cruel and troublesome.This forces my artistic imagination to over exaggerate ...

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    Tags:
    found,
    self-help,
    psychosis
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  • Rejection !

    I don’t meet new people, give people a chance. I was being brave, I agreed to meet someone. Despite my anxiety towards it I was going to meet them, I was going to do it for me. Only for it to be spat back in my face with the same retort that I normally give as an excuse to not meet. This is why I don’t do this!! I am scared of rejection. It’s such ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression,
    rejection,
    Cycle
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  • Normal

    ​​​​I just want to be like everyone else. On days like today, when I am forced to choose whats best for my mental wellbeing over living a more "normal" life I feel so frustrated and angry with my life. Its like having to choose between something healthy that does you good, or something yummy that doesn't. Today was one of those "shudda wudda cudda" days when you ...

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    Tags:
    #beingnormal,
    #anxiety,
    #dailystruggles
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  • My Purpose

    My Purpose We live in a world so focused to win,We see a person but don’t look within,We see a goal and strive right ahead,Missing out on the journey instead. Society says that we have to come first,Drink from the Well, don’t wait for the thirst,Life has no purpose without competition,I won’t enter because this is not my intention. My intention is to somehow help and to heal, read more

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  • Leaving the bottle for my baby

    I'm breaking up with you for good alcohol. I have a new love in my life who is far more important and brings me far more joy. I used to feel your comfort everywhere I went. You calmed me down, you took away my loneliness, you made me forget about all my issues. I was so in love... but it always ended in disappointment. You were slowly ruining my life and slowly killing me. I ...

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  • Devils On My Shoulder- sounds like a poor excuse

    “Its like getting blood out of a stone”, as this illness prevails over me like a heavenly planet pouring scorn on my efforts.Its all about what moves the economy that is reality it tells me. The constant agony I'm not working well enough in it to produce a big enough gain for myself to please society and employers or friends, family and acquaintances.It all sounds like a poor attitude and an excuse. And they are ...

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    Tags:
    Shame
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  • Abandoned

    My mum moved to Canada roughly four years before I was born. She met a man. They got married and along came me. The truth was he was a horrible man. She was on her own in Canada, no family there. He was all she had until I was born. He didn't even go with her when I was born, she did it all by herself. He never wanted anything to do with me. She ...

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    Tags:
    Abandonment,
    abuse,
    childhood,
    scared,
    pathetic
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  • Schizophrenic and me

    admitted into hospital when i was 17 now again in 2016 that makes me 30.diagnosis was nothing that got looked into back then i was told i had some traits of other illnesses but finally i have my diagnosis but i was hoping it would get better but i think knowing makes it worse i have voices and hallucinations which never really go away its hard to deal with but im struggling most days.the medication ...

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    Tags:
    schizophrenic
  • Smiling outside....Dark soul inside

    Please note: this piece contains references to self-harm and suicide. I am not your average 24 year old girl...I have had these issues start at precious age 15.....High School was so hell filled I chose to block it all out...Age 18 I cut myself for the first time...I had a feeling of control and a sense of doing something I feel I deserve...Fast Forward to 2014....Started harming again and deep dark depression, thought about ending ...

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    Tags:
    depression
  • Difficult Time

    I'm going through a difficult time just now, there is such a lot going on and I'm trying to cope without worrying my family. I'm lucky enough to have people I can talk to but I don't want to explain what is going on in my head. I love helping other people, why can't I help myself? I'm so tired - no energy - no motivation. I'm putting pen to paper, writing down my thoughts. ...

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  • God allows U Turns

    Good day my name is Avron Appollis and I'm from Wellington South Africa. I'm the eldest of 4 children . My mother was a teacher and my father was a boilermaker working half of my childhood away from home. I was caught up in the vicious cycle of addiction for 12 years of my life . Lost everything and start my over again with the little confidence that I had . I started to worked ...

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  • Self Concious

    As part of my life I have had to deal with people staring, pointing and whispering. This is something that can take A LOT of time to get used to. Some days I ignore it and other days I cant ignore it and it pulls me down so I hide away. The summer can be the worst. You see I am a self-harmer and I have visible scars on my arms. Some days when I ...

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    Tags:
    Love,
    Gay,
    People,
    Relationship,
    Lesbian
  • MY JOURNEY

    Warning: This story deals with trauma, sexual abuse and self harm. people always said the small woman with bright blue eyes beaming, such a warm welcome smile (always called the smiler) simply amazed by the torture and trauma, I have gone through. Although behind that smile, there gazed was a haunted hurting child drained with secrets, trauma and horror. some survive and some don't, some victims, some survivors. for many years I was that victim ...

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    Tags:
    surviving,
    trauma,
    justice,
    sexual abuse,
    diagnosis's
  • What Worries Bob The Most.........

    What Worries Bob The Most...... ....is the struggle between his holistic happiness and his absence from the world of full time work. Will he find peace in the end ? His happiness has been anchored in an ever deepening prayer life. Something he trusts . Deeper than the affliction itself. Causing a reservoir of happiness. Turning back the tide of illness like a merciful moon. A lunar intervention requiring a regular appointment with his creator. ...

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    Tags:
    sense of self,
    self-knowledge,
    wellness,
    stress,
    work
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  • Soundtrack to my life

    I often hear the soundtrack to my life as I am living it.. the love scenes, the tears, the skipping in the rain, the dramatic parts, the lusty ones, the exciting ones, the calm. Sometimes as I reminisce I hear the tunes that made my teenage years, the ones that cover my triumphs and my suffering and of course being the romantic depressive that I am, I've even picked my funeral songs. What a nice ...

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    Tags:
    life,
    soundtrack
  • The summary of my depression journey

    I suppose I have known for a long time that my job wasn't working for me. I was caught up in the camaraderie and the fact of living in a foreign country helps to cement that. I have never really kept a job very long and this one seemed to be different. I was ambitious and climbed the ladder, with it increasing all the time the hours I worked. Working from home with long days ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    psychiatrist,
    therapist,
    work,
    anti-depressants
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  • Born in a storm

    I was born in a storm and a power cut. It was a short labour for my mother who told the midwife that I was coming but was dismissed as an unmarried mother who knew no better. Head already born they moved her onto the trolley to go to the labour ward. She got no further. I was born on the trolley at ten past midnight. I wish I could remember that moment when I ...

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    Tags:
    Birth,
    diagnosis