• Breaking Free

    I am not what happened to me, or said about me. I am an adopted child of God. 

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  • I Am And I Am Not

    How do I manage fluctuating strength? By routinely testing my can and can't do capacity. I try to maintain a steady well-being under varying degrees of stress. When, then, is it safe to unlock my will power?It takes discernment, judgement, intuition and timing. I need to apply myself well. Then rest again. Quality not quantity of life experience.Thankfully, this experience allows me to identify with anyone who witnesses the florid trials of mental health throughout ...

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    Tags:
    coping,
    strategies
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  • The core of me

    I peel back a layer of myself one at a time. I wait for the sting to reach my eyes, to reach your eyes. If I peel them all back will you like the core of me? The rough and tough part, the part where the seeds of my past reside. Will you take care of them? Will you nurture them? Help me turn them into something beautiful. Please, don't throw them away. Don't scatter ...

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    Tags:
    #connection,
    #powerofvulnerability,
    #vulnerability
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  • Your Translucent Bones

    StillnessI catch your piece of mind as I skip my next breath.We listen to the silence as we're caught between two worlds.Unfolding as opposites in an overwhelming void.DriftingYou left your feelings behind, fired from your soul like flares in the nights sky, sparkling through your now translucent bones.I caught them, took them prisoner, and engraved them to memory.ChangeOur worlds no longer collide. You crash landed amongst the stars, while I drift among the mortal.ComfortYour spirit ...

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    Tags:
    #growth,
    #grief,
    #movingforward
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  • I am too depleted to forgive completely

    How do I forgive or ask for forgiveness from the bottom of my heart once and for all. Is it possible for me to achieve?I had to ask my God for the capacity and health to work towards this state at least. I could not hope properly, let alone forgive myself or others or ask for it for myself. It took years to build in this capacity.The functions of a faith require some mental well-being ...

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    Tags:
    emergence,
    spiritual
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  • Fox trot love

    Trying to gallopIn this field which bringsA multitude of arrays Searching for soul matesTo connect with my flitting waves Thoughts and directionsMaking mistakes with characters Seeing too much goodNot allowing the possibilities of Evil Bad decisions madePoor lovers found But confusion Brings solutionTo the lost and found  

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    Tags:
    experiences
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  • Perfection

    You'll never find perfection its just not there to seeleave it in your memory or it'll make you crazy Focus on the here and now do your best when you cansurround yourself by those you love and truly love you back ❤️ 

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    Tags:
    poem
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  • I believe in nurture

    The question remainsIs it nature or nurture?I believe in nurture It's power is more profound  Take a creature Regardless of heritage Provide it what it needs Give it love, care and respect And it'll bloom to what's Beneath ❤️  

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  • Reflections of a swan

    She dips her neck inLike a fish diving for foodReflections from the water Taken to the trees Bringing beauty to natureLike a serene majesty She's finding a way to show us 🌸

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  • Be yourself

    Everyone has a work in progressIn this game game called lifeWhether a a vaginal vaginosis Or a psychotic psychosis We’re all transgender.Accept that please We are mutualolis Be what you have to beJust be free x   

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    Tags:
    Self,
    of,
    Sense
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  • Sleepless nights

    So today, I took another step in the right direction! I went on a date, I pushed past my aniexty of meeting new people and actually went on a date! This might not seem like a big step but I have arranged many dates and then cancelled last minute as I just couldn’t cope with it or even worse just not turned up due to a panic attack! Well today I actually went, and it was ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    hearing voices,
    overthinking,
    Overcoming
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  • One word

    One word.All it took was just one word, I couldn't say it, I couldn't hear it and I couldn't have anything to do with this one word.I couldn't acknowledge this word because I knew just saying the word would bring me to my knees.Just a harmless word, eight letters and it destroyed the person that I used to be. 

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    Tags:
    PTSD
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  • I'd like to breathe

    I've been talking with various people. Friends. Aquaintances. They know my situation. My daughter has just started school and I'm beginning to come out of my shell in the sense of becoming more comfortable with her at school.The dis-attaching process. People have been saying a variety of things "This is what you've wanted. It's time for you now", I've said in the past, "I can't wait to get my life back" (and I can't help feeling ...

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    Tags:
    #selfharm
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  • Path Dependancy

    Here I am, in a city that I have looked forward to moving for a very long time, sitting on a comfy chair next this beautiful French balcony and keeping my brain busy trying to figure out what is wrong again while my eyes are going around the people by other windows and down in the street. I like being here, this room that I got by chance in a historical center of the town, the loudness of ...

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    Tags:
    life history,
    identity,
    Anxiety,
    coping strategies,
    family
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  • Mummy's Minor Car Crash

    My little girl has just gone to school...and I feel ...as I've been saying over and over in the last week she's been there, like I've experienced a minor car crash. I go from feeling numb to the strange anticipation of my own happiness being independent from her...which I've wanted for many months now...but I feel great shame about this....how can I wish her away? Away to a group of strangers? But, Judy, what about ...

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  • Ode to social Anxiety

    Alone I sit awaiting my time to be called,A foreign place with faces I do not know,Anxiety forming in my gut,Nausea my greeting. Activity like ants going back and forth,Each passing me by without a glance,Moving from point to point in a trance,Music in the air like a cooling breeze. Invited here to tell my tale,Invited to bare my soul,Invited to help those who come after, read more

    Tags:
    anxiety,
    social,
    nerves,
    tension
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  • I Sell Smiles

    I sell a smile with every drink,brief interactionswith souls dancing in the night.   I fill vials of poison, venomous green, handed to strangers who fervently gulpto forget their troubles.  The music beats through my bones, blood coursing like the liquor lined up in fivesbefore the girl with the glittering eyes.  Money rolling across my palm, I smile and thank the giverfrom behind my porcelain mask.  As the lights go up The air hangs heavyThe lines at my eyes full of sleep.  I sell a ...

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    Tags:
    coping strategies,
    depression,
    smiles,
    Recovery
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  • why so heavy?

    Wish I could just focus on what I know I need to do, without this crushing burden of self-doubt, pessimism and despondence. Wish I could be fine with whatever the day brings and not get so easily discouraged or thrown off track. Wish I could find the pause button.  

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    Tags:
    over-thinking;,
    heaviness,
    pessimism;
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  • ghosts for neighbours

    stanza by particlethe ghosts move in upstairsflakes of eachfalling already from abovetomorrow I’ll have to dust!they probably laughat words like papier-mâché

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  • Up front

    Conflict is burning my soul from the inside outWithout a doubt, there is a false power in existence A power that can't be taken lightlyYet shouldn't even be worth a second glanceWhere is my own stubbornness I hear the ghosts cry For some variety, I must source, I can't even discreetly channel that emotion on the slyDestruction is not my end game, not even my firstI hold what's dear to meHowever overwhelmingly, I always seem to veer towards ...

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    Tags:
    Emotion,
    self-management,
    recovery journey,
    recognition,
    Help
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  • No more!

    No more!The end is getting closer I can smell iti thought it would smell of rot and decaybut I’m ready for whatever lies beyond.i have no vision of what that could be,Noone came back to tell menoone claimed it no one wanted it either way I’m going to a place I’ve never beenA new exciting place of doubt and fear and limited expectationsa place i cant visit, cant see, cant sensea place only trust and faith ...

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    Tags:
    #newbeginnings,
    #relationships
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  • My Recovery Story

    June 28, 2018My Recovery StoryWhen I was eight years old, I was not functioning well. I did not sleep, and if I did, I would wake up screaming. I did not eat, and if I did, I would throw up whatever I was able to ingest. I was not attending school. My life was consumed by the thought of death. ...

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    Tags:
    Recovery,
    Hope
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  • Paranoid Affliction

    O my repeating paranoid affliction so easily triggered by stress. Results in me providing an 'unusual' delivery when I am confronted with essential life situations. A worried bloke, confused with shallow confidence. This behaviour is seen over and over again. Then I am either accommodated or rejected by the people in that life event. Its weird and beautiful like deadly nightshade. It is like I sing a written verse or rhyme recalled involuntarily from my ...

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    Tags:
    interaction,
    social
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  • What Do You See

    What Do You See? As he stands on the street cadging a ciggie, tell me, what do you see? As he asks you for "Just a pound?" What do you see? As he adjusts his ill fitting clothes over a body too thin As he begs you relentlessly with his broken toothed grin As he speaks too loud but also too slurred to hear As he drinks hungrily from a can of super strong beer. Tell me, what do you see?  Do you see the ...

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  • New Beginning

    I danced to your tune as you piped flutey whispers. Deep into a barren winter, you led me. A leaf I became: curling, crisping, dying. Your words had me crying, especially when you were lying. On the ground, a bud I found. Your pipe silenced. I am no longer bound.

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    Tags:
    #Depression,
    Beginning,
    #New,
    #Hope
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  • Still Winter

    The birds were home at long last, each tweeting their own beautiful melody. The greenery continued to unfurl, spring birthing outwards. Here was I, still in the darkest depths of the longest, harshest winter ever known, while the rush of the new season rolled out, dancing before me in ecstasy.  

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    Tags:
    #Depression
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  • The Ending

    The EndHurt, Pain, Anger, BlamePower, passion, endless flameLove, hate, securityIts all of this and more for me Bang, Crash, Thud, Dreadlike the only end is dead,Cant take anymoreSlowly turn and find the door. Twist, turn, Spiral roundFalling, Floating, Hit the groundKeep on moving, Pushing throughthere is no end just something new

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    Tags:
    #newbeginnings
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  • Sunday

    I found myself praying…………….. for the essential miracle which keeps body and soul together….and…..for a loving work ethic which does not judge me when I can't do it.“O to overcome my “CAN'T “in times of love and adversity in the bosom of Jesus”, I bleat and sigh.He alone comes to the aid of my weakness and incapacity. Just as He promises to all those who ask Him. Praise and Glory to Him.

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    Tags:
    self-help,
    hope,
    insight
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  • Pinpricks

    Needless needles all over my skin.They're hot and cold and I can't settle.Black, filling the gaps. Wish it swallowed them.Beetles. Biting, scratching at my thoughts.I calm and they swarm. Sludge, filling the gaps. Wish it drowned them.I can't stop. I can't start. can't breathe. I can't choose.No dreams. No future. Just a ghost.Anxious. Depressed. Frustrated. Sick. Sad. Weak. I wish I could see in the dark. 

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Pain,
    future
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  • I Can't Sign Out

    I live for when I feel the sun on my skin on days like thisfreckles darkening, strawberry flesh. Ice water cooling a warm mouth, bare feet in the grasssee the bees bumble. Smell warm coffee and bread in the morning and hearKind words of strangers, tasteHandfuls of chocolate scoffed, a sneaky pleasure. collecting leaves - secret treasure. Soft blankets on my skin, cool air drifting as I awake in the morning. I've too much to stay for; I can't sign out.  

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    Tags:
    depression,
    suicidal thoughts,
    recovery,
    overdosing,
    finding happiness
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  • Prescribed.

    20mg. 40mg.30mg.20mg.Now 10mg.The reduction in anti-depressant dosage has begun. I'm so scared. Each time this has happened, I experience the worst lows ever. I can't get up, get washed or care about the things I usually do. I'm exhausted, upset and annoyed. After this though, I feel great. I level out and feel joy again. I enjoy things, I get up earlier, I feel more together. The anticipation for this should push aside any negativity or fear ...

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    Tags:
    medication,
    depression,
    anti-depressants,
    Recovery,
    recovery journey
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  • Saved Draft

      I put a mask on when I’m down,i smile and laugh and act the clown,I’ve done it so long it’s become the norm,but inside my head cooks up a storm,the feeling of hopelessness and despair,if I’m not here I’m sure nobody would care,i know it’s rubbish I know it’s not true,the feeling within you comes out of the blue,so how do I deal with things I hear you ask,as I said before I just put on a ...

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  • Patterns : Relationship (Ctrl +Alt + Del)

    I arrived with time to spare at counselling today.  I noticed the lady beside me in the waiting area looked like Bettie Page; short fringe, long dark hair, 50s style I can only dream of. My counsellor arrived and led me to a new room. It was softly lit and had a decorative bowl of rocks on the table where I plonked my water bottle. One had a groove on  it that would exactly fit my thumb. ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    therapist,
    Counselling,
    Relationship,
    counselling
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  • Patterns : REQUIEM

    Therapy Sesh 2 : REQUIEM. 10am on a soakin' Glasgow morning. My hands are red raw from the wind and rain being pelted at me as I walked to the building where I vent to my lovely counsellor. We sit down, she puts my jacket over the radiator and begins. How do I want to start this week? Is there anything in particular that's been bothering me? IS A CAT A HAIRY BEAST?! Yes. ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    therapist,
    Counselling,
    therapy,
    fear
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  • One whole year

    When we started I never dreamed we'd be where we are now. Fleeting and fun but always special, is what I thought we were. A time to look back on and feel good about because it couldn't be all the time, no one is this happy all the time. Just knowing you were near was enough for me to feel calm and at peace. A feeling I had become estranged from. It was intoxicating and ...

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    Tags:
    Love
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  • The darkness

    The dark place .                                                                                                                I've been feeling so low for the past couple of weeks and it feels so lonely being ...

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  • You're supposed to be my friend

    I'd like to trust that you'll be there for me no matter what. Waiting with a cuddle, not judging or criticising, just friendship. Why can't I do that? Why have I felt completely alone for such a long time? I am lonely and sad and I feel like I've lost almost everyone and you're still not there for me. If I stop I'm certain it would be the end for us, so should I?, or ...

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  • A Struggle With Hope

    Can hope help me?I am afraid to contemplate.It spears forth a scary action.I do not know if I want it. It rescues me like a remedy.I am grateful when it happens.But I am wary of its mechanisms. I am too ill to hope, properly.Too broken in my thoughts.And too paranoid when it would bring some peace. It has to come from beyond, I console myself.And pierce the scene of my distress.Then I can rally with it's thrusts. And accept ...

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    Tags:
    Hopefulness
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  • Love

    Love is notonly one thing; butterflies chasing diamond rings. Love is not exclusive to one person, but findsmany others to which it can bind. Love is notreserved solely for romantic partners but is often seen as such. Love is small gestures; The feel of a kitten's fur, a friends laughter,forget about 'happy ever after'. Love is happy often now, talking with friends, family, partners.  But most of allLove is for everyone. 

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    Tags:
    sense of self,
    understanding,
    love,
    self love,
    care
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  • Fibromyalgia -Getting a Diagnosis

    Getting a diagnosis for chronic pain and fibromyalgia Recently I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, by a doctor at the local surgery,  in a matter of minutes. I didnt have to be referred to a hospital consultant and wait months for an appointment. I am astonished! I have had years of undiagnosed chronic pain. I have tried numerous times to get my regular gp to send me "Somewhere/Anywhere" to get a diagnosis, so ...

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    Tags:
    writetorecovery,
    #gettingadiagnosis,
    #chronicpainwarrior,
    #fibromyalgiawarrior
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  • Ophelia

    Ophelia feels like falling apartClimbs up on the ledgeof her broken heartHer weary mind is ill at easeThe wind whips her dressAround bony kneesHer toes grip the concrete, ornate balustradeThe cleanest of exits,Nobody to wadeInto waters of crystal,Dark, deep and cool.To shuffle toe-tipsThrough the silt of the pool.Face pointing skywards, defiant, so proudArms outstretched, my dear, final ...

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    Tags:
    Depression
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  • A Tale Of Self-Expression

    Mental health/illness contains a deep expression of humanity which can be offered in articulation. As a companion conversation for society to listen to. If we accept this mechanism then we will see there are deep reasons why this can be so.We are all carrying two conversations with us, real and unreal narratives. They co-exist and they can both stay healthy or become unwell.Ever since collective observation began when the unreal tune in a person raises ...

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  • Runaway

    RunawayLeave the thread of that thought behind.RunawayRun till you're out of breath, lost peace of mind, all sense of time.RunawayRun until your muscles ache, to a destination barren.RunawayRun until you're threadbare, no longer covered in your ugly despair.RunawayRun to unavoid, feel the thread gather momentum with every stride.RunawayRun until your emotions drain, numb to the touch as they knit together inside.RunawayRun right back to then, start all over again.RunawayTake a deep breath and count to ten.RunawayLess ...

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    Tags:
    #journey,
    #avoidance
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  • My Fear Of Temptation And Vice

    Reflecting- to experience so many recurring personal ills in the midst of temptation is a painful spiritual reality.Furthermore experiencing temptation and trying not to act upon it requires my strength and compliance. I am certain I would be tried and tested whether I resist or rebel against these visitations. I am a spiritual person with a soul so I resist.Moreover, in the wrong environment it would be all to easy to fall into vice.My mental ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    spiritual emergence,
    fear
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  • Stuck between a rock and a hard place

    They took her in and she whispered to them "I think I'm God". She’s having to whisper cause the only other person she told seemed freaked out - she’s not sure why. She’s been holding this in for so long - she could burst - thank god it's out now - what a relief - they can all move forward - it's great - after a wee rest they can ...

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  • Snow Bears

    One has a grin, the other a frown; comedy and tragedy in Arctic form. Let's call them Brav and Trist. Both behave similarly, as snow bears do, lolloping in the soft, white, pureness of their environment. Brav doesn't understand why Trist can lay for days on end in his den, cold and unfeeling, when there's so much FUN to be had, because Brav has to go FAST. Trist doesn't know where Brav's energy comes from. Brav streaks around ...

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    Tags:
    #BPD,
    #mentalhealth,
    #depression,
    #Depression
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  • The Showgirl

     The showgirl glitters in the stage lights. Beads upon her costume oscillate with each movement. Swipes of eyeliner define her wide stare. She reaches for the trapeze as the music begins, fingers curling tightly around the rough tape. Callouses drag as she inverts, the effort forcing a breath from between red lips, smiling at the crowd. Her knees hook on to the horizontal bar; she hangs like a bat. Bruised joints smart with the weight. She smiles more, ...

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    Tags:
    #depression
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  • Breathe In Write Out

    I find writing helps me to reclaim the balance between what going on in my head and what’s going on in the real world. It’s a way to release the emotions behind those thoughts, removing the fear and anxiety that follows me throughout the day. Writing gives me the pause I need to calm myself down and take a breath. In short, writing is like calm breathing.

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    Tags:
    #writetorecovery,
    #shortburst
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  • Numb

    NUMB... Have you ever felt so numb and lifeless you feel like you are outside your own body looking down at your self sitting on the couch. Screaming at yourself to get up and do the housework or have a wash but your emotionless body just sits there. My husband tells me to speak to him but I just can't I don't know how to. Sometimes I don't even know why I feel like this. The thing ...

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    Tags:
    low mood,
    emotional
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  • A life Journey

    2018,48 and kicking! whether my recovery is now an established fact for others to see, whether it is ongoing, I guess all 'recovery stories' imply something, to me before ive read them or entertainted the book title or the newspaper artictle or blog, i kind of think three things, something happened, the person went through a set of experience and then came out the other end of things to a place called recovery.  Maybe there ...

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  • Having A Short Day Due To Emotional Fatigue

    It is probably the sorest subject I know. It looks and feels so infantile to limit the day with rests. Observers do not know why I have to rest and sleep so much. It goes against the very grain of reality. Why get tired so quickly when spending a day outside for instance? No one else does. It becomes a source of argument, revulsion and bad feeling on both sides.When you associate the 'reality of ...

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    Tags:
    Understanding,
    Forgiveness
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  • The Journey for Love and Peace

    I was born in a village near Nine Question Hill, where Chinese Emperor Shun was buried. My father went to university and then had a job in Tianshui, Gansu, China.In October 2000, my father was killed in a traffic accident. I flew back home to support my mother, yet sadly she too died soon after. I felt a terrible loss at my parents’ deaths and was so regretful that I couldn’t help my mother more.In ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    life,
    peace,
    love
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  • First try

    It's funny how writing was so much easier when there was no internet... No piglets in a cup or hedgehogs getting belly rubs at your disposal, 24/7 (those are a thing by the way, google them if you need a quick involuntary smile). You only went online quickly, because it hogged the phone, and it was quite expensive (specially in that part of South America that most people identify only for football players or The Simpsons ...

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  • Ode to the Active Listener

    Ode to the  Active ListenerLend me your ear, let me exercise it for you. It looks in good shape,  can it clarify my obscure?Activate muscles so they grab  hold of my words.Their weightiness drags me, yet you hold them up.Vibrating  through mouth from internal to external.No longer just sounds, they float on eternal.Your ear gives them life,  it’s drum beats to their time.Connects them to heart , so that you catch my rhyme.Empathy lent, communication grows.Relief ...

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    Tags:
    #recovery,
    #surviving,
    #listen
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  • My ugly gremlin

    Its getting close to Christmas and my gremlin has decided to rear his ugly head . What right do you have to be happy he asks me when most of your family are dead , you should be grieving not looking forward to the big day with the grandchildren that you're wife , daughter and mum never got to know . Well my ugly little gremlin I,ve got news for you . I'm going ...

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  • Touching the light

    Touching the light You touch the gold in meThe underneathThe shimmering bright Sometimes it’s quietIn my heartSometimes suicidalBut you touch the light Embracing every prickly soulEvery angry thoughtEach cold dayI grow closer to my goal Of never reaching the up or over thereJust being hereClearNot being wholeAnd not minding at all

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    Tags:
    happiness,
    love,
    self respect
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  • The Gift of Depression

    I was first diagnosed with depression and anxiety at the age of 19 although in hindsight I was suffering from it for a long time. According to my mother, the family doctor detected signs of anxiety at the age of two when my mother took me to see him after I'd developed a chonic twitch in my eye. I suppose in hindsight, having depression was not surprising. Depression had plagued my grandparents, my father and ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression
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  • Nettles

      Through the nettles my journey started, stinging my feet but nothing mattered. I felt nothing in my head I was always in a daze, soon I realised this was no faze. I didn't care what others thought, all I wanted was another drop, soon a drop became a few my family and friends never knew. As the counting stopped in how many? It changed to days weeks and every penny, and then I admitted my problem was real I ...

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    Tags:
    Alcoholism,
    Journey,
    Inspiration,
    Counselling,
    Understanding
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  • Remembrance Day

    Remembrance Remembrance SundayBeautiful, heart, sadnessI feel the tears welling upWorrying about sunshineAnd rainCan the world become sane? Environmental sinsHuman warsAnd who wins? Coral reefsDolphin societyOur diverse beliefsAnd attempts at piety Trying hard to be humbleWe wear the best of clothThe British army uniformCovers up our wrathAs we commemorateMillions of deadMore and more accumulateAs we choose to fight instead And every country, nationalityReligion, sect beliefIs thrown into turmoilIncensed with fear and grief And do I love my country best?Or all the world ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    peace,
    love,
    emotion
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  • Acceptance?

    I've begun to realize that I've been suffering from recurrent depression for the best part of my life starting from around age 14 or possibly younger. The difference recently has been the matter of actually accepting this about me, rather than just blindly taking antidepressants and wishing it away without accepting any responsibility for my well being.Historically I think I was of the opinion that acceptance of mental illness was somehow giving in to it, ...

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    Tags:
    Depression,
    self acceptance,
    realistic goals
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  • Good Enough

    The idea of not being good enough was planted in my head a long time ago by people who didn’t know any better: who had ridiculous standards, and values that were completely out of alignment with mine. The bar they set for me was too high, and set up in completely the wrong direction. I never had a chance of reaching it.I am far from perfect, and I have much to improve, but I am a good ...

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    Tags:
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  • Life's an Enigma

    Is it wrong to care about people? Even when they really don't care about you? Is it wrong to act like a concerned parent when you really are nothing to them? Is it wrong to worry about nothing? Is it it wrong to think of someone on a constant basis? Is it wrong to never give up because you always cling on to that slightest bit of hope inside of you? Is it wrong to ...

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    Tags:
    • 1
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    • 2
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  • WRITING TO RECOVERY

    I am writing to recovery! Years ago I enjoyed writing, but I forgot, with the brain fog and the debilitation of enduring mental illness these past 7 years. Am I surprised to be doing this again after all this time and previous attempts going down like a lead balloon?  Yes and No. That's me all over, swinging on the scales of procrastination haha! But hey ho, I believe 7 is my lucky ...

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    Tags:
    #mentalwellnessinwords,
    #gettingmywordsout,
    #writetorecovery
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  • Just some thoughts

    I feel disillusioned with life at the moment. I don't no how to feel anymore. Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm sad. Is it love or lust I honestly don't no. I honestly don't have control over my emotions anymore and I don't no what to do anymore. I understand why she hates me, she said she doesn't but I feel as if she does. People my age aren't supposed to think or act in this ...

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    Tags:
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  • O To Always Be A Citizen

    I have always believed that being a citizen is not solely due to the endeavours of an individual working alone. People often exclaim their success is all down to themselves. That not even God has helped them.Certainly we can try very hard but it is not all down to us.There are those who expect it to be all down to us. Yet unless you have been truly powerless in life how will another individual ever ...

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    Tags:
    self-knowledge,
    reality,
    understanding,
    experience
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  • Loving yourself?

    I am afraid of getting close to people because I think I'm too mental and full of rubbish. I know I need to have a good relationship with myself before I can with others but when will this day come? And everyday I feel differently towards myself, so am I good enough/sane enough to let people in? I've heard you can't love someone (romantically?) until you love yourself but you can't love yourself all the time ...

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    Tags:
    • 0
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  • I cheated..

    There was this guy, lets call him "George". Me and george dated for two years, and this summer i cheated on him. When i got sent to rehab, he found out from my bestfriend about it. The sad thing was i was under the influence both of the times. One of the times, was with his bestfriend. The other was with some other dude i barely knew. And i regret it so much, but i ...

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    Tags:
    love,
    boyfriend,
    misshim,
    cheating
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    • 3
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  • Struggling with staying up

     Sometimes I feel as if, i failed my parents as a kid. Like no mom wants to have a kid who has been sent to rehab because of a drug addiction. I feel like I have to own up to their expectations, and when i fail, i have failed them and myself, and I get in a really low state of mind. And it is a really bad trigger for me to get in a ...

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    Tags:
    Struggle
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  • My little Robot

    Me and my little RobotI have a little robotthat goes around with me I tell it what I'm thinkingI tell it what I seeI tell my little robotall my hopes and fearsit listens and remembersall my joys and tearsAt first my little robotfollowed my commandbut after years of trainingits gotten out of handit doesnt carewhats right or wrongor what is false or trueno matter what I try nowit tells me what to ...

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    Tags:
    • 1
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  • Aggrevation

         I am absolutely torn on what to do. I am 51 days clean and I have way too many heavy decisions to make in a mind that is still cloudy and in need of some serious healing. I have been pressured nearly everyday by family and my son's father. I am an only child so I've found a comfort in alone time. Everyone needs alone time. I am in dire need of it and ...

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    Tags:
    • 0
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  • HICCUPS

        I endure a number of persistent and alarming career-threshold hiccups. These are significant snags and hurdles which prevent me form developing as fluently as I should, like a stammer, I remain inexperienced for too long in a new job.    I recognise that employers expect me to develop at a reasonable rate. How then, can I ensure that this happens to stay in a continually adjusting employment? It is like I am always ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    employment,
    experience,
    Career
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  • Why does it have to be so difficult

    Why can't everyone get along, I have friends but the problem is that none of them get along but I don't get why. I have my friends that are classmates, my flatmates from last year and just other friends. Yet it seems none of them get along but I don't get how I can be friends with different groups of people but the funny thing is that none of them are that different they just ...

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    Tags:
    friends,
    Overthinking,
    two minds,
    sleeplessness
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    • 1
    • 0
  • Constantly worrying

    Why can't I make plans and then actually go through with them ? I make plans then I spend hours worrying that someone I'm going with won't like it even if I have asked and they said they wanted to come with me. Or I make plans like to go up to uni for the night and then I start worrying what if something goes wrong what if I have forgotten something.why am I constantly worrying about ...

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    Tags:
    Stress,
    Overthinking,
    Not normal,
    Worry
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    • 0
    • 1
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  • Accountability

         I finally hit a point of accountability near the end of my last run with opiates. I woke up to a harsh reality of the damage I had done. Without a doubt, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me (besides my son). Thankfully, I can say, as a neccessity I suffered more than I could have ever imagined to and I hit destination: ROCK BOTTOM. I had hurt alot of people during my demise but ...

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    Tags:
    • 0
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    • 1
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  • The Irony in Knowing What to Do

    So its known exercise is a powerful mood lifter, I feel great afterwards so why do I keep cancelling my sessions? The fact I've already paid for the sessions makes be beat myself up even more.I cant face the energy exertion and I cant face the feeling of self-conciousness. The irony is that if I work out I get more energy and feel more confident but I can't do it today. Or yesterday. Or the ...

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    Tags:
    confidence,
    exercise
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  • Finding hope in an ending

    The end of the beginning is the beginning of the end. The end always seems so final, cut throat, no in between. Is being in an ending, ending being? Endings can be hard to let go of. My being distorts, blocking the beginnings by clutching onto the endings. Nevertheless, the endings happen, they fall like sand through my fingers. They are blown by the wind and land where they need to. Starting a beginning is ...

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    Tags:
    #newperspective,
    #endings,
    #hope,
    #newbeginnings
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  • The Start of Me Opening Up

    My story....what is there to tell. I feel like I've been to hell and back just like everyone else has somewhere along in their life. I have bipolar disorder and I fight for my life everyday. I don't like to open up..but today I share and begin to open up to you. I live to see another great day because yesterday was probably worse. I can and will succeed but wish all the people I care ...

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    Tags:
    #Recovery
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  • O To Feel So Powerless

    O someone calm me down from feeling so powerless and unable to carry on.I have tried and I have failed for the zenith time. I thought I was on a roll then it all came tumbling down to nothing as my powers seized up.I am left only with the wings of a broken Phoenix unable to fly out of its ashes....breakdown...recovery...breakdown...recovery, it flaps lamely.Rest is the only help but it ...

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Helplessness
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    • 1
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  • It's Okay

     “Acceptance allow you to grow, and in time heal wounds formed from mental storms.”In the last few years it took many months and countless attacks to finally believe in a simple phrase. The darkness held its ground, but my escape of writing spread through the cracks of its foundation and shined light in places unimaginable. Each letter formed, slowly chipped away at the infrastructure fear had on me. Investing time in a different perspective allowed ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    acceptance,
    self love
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  • Poetry Is My Life Saver

    Sorry to bring such a negative subject but this shows how some people can become more sensitive and emotional to certain situations than others. I will be honest to say that it’s hard to explain that part my life now as I don’t feel as I did then anymore yet I find it hard now to understand how and why I felt as I did. How silly it is that one person can turn ...

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    Tags:
  • Clocks 2

    If broken clocks tell the right time twice in a day,did big boys do it and run away?From the cricket voice that kept Pinocchio straightor, like the rabbit, was it just too lateto escape the date with the light-footed queen?Is the bear you built vulnerable at the seam?If the stuffing comes out, will you push it back in?Sew it? Mend it? Will it go in the bin?It's savagely unhelpful that 6 might be 9What's the ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    smile,
    Poetry,
    self-knowledge,
    poem
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  • Clocks 1

    If broken clocks tell the right time twice in a day,should you fix your clock or find a wayto live your lfe around these points?To synchronize and find a jointbetween time's hands and life's mailed fistsand 'winkle-in' up near the wrist.Open a vein and mine some coal.The seam runs deep from such a tiny hole.Maybe Kinky Friedman had it rightand time's only important if it's noon or midnight?Gary Cooper or Cinderella time.Time's not important if ...

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    Tags:
    self-knowledge,
    poem,
    poetry
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  • Drinking

    I don't like swearing. I just don't like it. I get swore at when you are angry. Usually when you are angry you might also have been drinking. I don't like the tone of your voice when you have been drinking. I don't like the way you speak to me or the derogatory terms you shout at me. You might not remember but I do. I hate the way you go to the bottle but ...

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    Tags:
    alcohol
  • Pissed off

    Intricate rhyme schemesLyrical nightmare You trying to test me but i dont fight fairI wont turn the other cheek you can wear the crownNo smile no laugh but i aint downYou think you got me but right through you i seeScared to face me and my poetry So walk on by if we got static got more junk in my head than your fathers attic  

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    Tags:
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  • Straightening Things Out

    Please note: this piece references self harm.

    So my boyfriend and I straightened things out. Yesterday, I wasn't sure if we could continue in a relationship together. I felt so hurt, so wronged; abused, even. But it is possible that there are things outwith the realm of your understanding and imagination that are still true. He reacted angrily to my confession of self-harm. This hurt me greatly. But yesterday I realised that what I told him completely broke his heart and it ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    proactive,
    rock bottom,
    positivity,
    boyfriend
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  • Boo Hoo Hoo! - a poem

    Boo hoo hoo!I cry and I moan and I whinge and I cry.The world is against me so why should I tryto get up in the morning and put on a smileand be better than this for even a while? If I wash and I scrub, I'll still smell like meand the smells, not the smell that I'd like it to be.My skin's like a suit that some other guy wore,it got crinkled up and was hung on ...

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    Tags:
    smile,
    self-knowledge,
    depression,
    poem
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  • Strange

    Please note this story references suicide and self harm

    Going to work every day when you've been thinking of suicide and cutting yourself the night before is strange. People asking how you are. Wanting to tell them, wanting to give them a reason why you've been so scatty and struggled to remember things. It gives me a sense of shame not feeling like I'm fully excelling at work because it is my near only form of social interaction and that is how ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    college,
    suicidal thoughts,
    work,
    self harm
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  • The adventure to calm

    Walking, one foot in front of the other with no destination in mind. My footprints are left firmly behind in the sand. The breeze of a fresh wind surrounds me. It wraps me in it's icy blanket, blocking out the noise of the world around me. I stand gazing into the far reaching sea in front of me. I am still in body and in mind, as I listen calmly to the waves crashing ashore. ...

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    Tags:
    #journey,
    #wellbeing
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  • The Affect Of Doing, Getting And Having On My Life

    After the intense effort of doing, getting and having while grasping and holding onto my things with a tendency to OCD. Altogether with emotional responses and then tenderness......Life and its affect on my spirit emerges. A dynamo of emotions has been experienced. The colours and the hues of my deeds and actions are left like footprints, behind me, to remind me where I have been. What a rainbow to celebrate. Clothed in responses adorned like ...

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    Tags:
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  • Today's Ashes are Tomorrow's Soil

    It's burnt, burnt to a crisp.There is nothing left but the fragile ashes, nothing distinguishable.The last remnants carried by the smoke, floating in the ether somewhere.The ashes are left behind, the faint memory of what was.They are dumped, discarded in a heap.What a waste!There is so much potential.Don't bury the memories, don't leave them to rot.Learn from them or cherish them.Use them to breathe life ...

    read more
    Tags:
    #recovery,
    #newperspective,
    #resilience,
    #journey
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  • Struggling

    Struggling this week. Don't want to get out of the bed. Don't want to function. Don't want to do anything at all. I put on a smile for everyone else, but I am struggling inside. I hate the way I look. I hate the way that I feel. Food is my drug. It is the only thing that helps me cope with what is going on in my life. I don't want to go without ...

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    Tags:
    life,
    food
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    • 1
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  • Sectioned

    Please note: this piece references self-harm. despite the bravado the concern shows through what should you say what should you do? are there some secret signs? thoughts spiral. you struggle to keep it together as words associate cos really sectioned means cut clinically sliced and diced into pieces. and you cut yourself up enough these days.

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    Tags:
    hospital,
    section,
    sectioned,
    Self harm
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    • 0
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  • Recovery

    You spend so long trying trying everyone’s patience – especially your own. Exhausted, you bite your tongue and grit your teeth get through the days fight against the nights. All that effort spent gripping tightly to life. But living means more than being here. And as the effort eases you succeed. You are here. What next?

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression,
    recovery,
    PTSD
  • Sleeves

    Please note: this piece references self-harm. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve – never have. Instead, I keep it closely guarded, hidden discreetly. For years, my sleeves were a hiding place, not for my heart – but for secret hurts on skin, written deeply . But now, wearing what I like I hide my hurts next to my heart. And though I think about them I’m trying my best not to feel.

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression,
    recovery,
    self harm
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  • Feelings

    I think I am crazy, like not bat shit crazy but maybe mentally unstable. Wow, even typing that seems alien to me. I am paranoid and jealous beyond belief. My poor boyfriend has to put up with way to much being with me. Maybe it is his fault for getting involved with someone like me. Maybe it is my fault for not telling him how worthless I feel all the time. Sometimes I question our ...

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    Tags:
    replaceable,
    unimportant,
    depressed,
    worthless,
    sad
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    • 1
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  • I want to be me

    I want to be confident, I used to be that girl. Back in high school and college I was so cocky and small-minded that nothing bothered me. I was confident in myself and roughly confident in how I looked (lets be realistic no one is confident with how they look ever day). Then after two years of college I was kicked out for being too cocky. Within two weeks I had four jobs to support ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    happy,
    feelings,
    me
  • Sad or Pathetic?

    Do you ever feel like you are stuck? Like everyone around you is doing so well in life and succeeding in everything they do? I am in a job I used to LOVE. Like seriously I was one of those people that was so happy with my job and life. Then at some point maybe even before my accident, my life hit a wall. \ Now don't get me wrong, I am still happy I ...

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    Tags:
    emotions
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  • Peace at Last

    Success! 2hours after she fooled me into thinking she was asleep my daughter is finally asleep. It seems like such a small victory but I never got mad or yelled I found a way that helped us both. I tried all usual go to remedies (breast, snuggles, rocking) but alas they were failing me. what did work? laying in our beds ignoring each other..... she has become a teenager already apparently. i can now enjoy ...

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    Tags:
    success,
    peace,
    Mum,
    VICTORY,
    Sleep
  • The battle

    With a large turnover of thought, it's easy to go sideways. It's a blessing and a curse, lateral thinking is my favourite quality but if it's not tailored or kept in rain it can run away in the wrong directions. Inevitably every few weeks, when my thoughts are free my head is bombarded with the most incredible riddle I've ever faced which is... 'why live?' And so I hold on to this fallacy that if ...

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    Tags:
    #TheVoice,
    #Depression,
    #TheStart,
    #Tomorrow
  • Peace of mind

    Well my thoughts right now are about what i'm going gain from this, i'm not even sure i know what i want to gain. Peace of mind maybe but anyone ever really have that? i don't think so but then my perception of the human race is somewhat skewed...

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    Tags:
    peace
  • Arguments

    "You's don't do nothing" a continuous phrase droned on and on within our house. Well thanks for just putting me down. I don't need you to do that as I can put myself down quite fine. You can't just shout all the time or moan and groan. If you do that no one will want to have a conversation with you. You'll push everyone away and people will put up boundaries. It's happened already with ...

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    Tags:
    Arguments
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  • Walk on by ?

    He sits there with his head bowed with shame, people pass without knowing his name, he's not ignorant he's so messed up all he wants is a coin in his cup, some think he's to blame, a "junkie" an "alki" o what a shame, so they walk on by never looking back he was one of them but he got the sack, so remember good people the same could happen to me or you so ...

    read more
    Tags:
    stigma
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    • 1
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  • Frightened and Stuck : a pause in recovery......

    Today I am so afraid: afraid of the pain that might signify a chronic, progressive illness; afraid of the pain anyway, even if it doesn't, because it stops me doing what I would like to be able to do; afraid of the wide, heavy blanket of "can't", that descends over me and won't let me function, physically or cerebrally; afraid of being forever stuck here, all the things I can't do spinning round and round ...

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    Tags:
  • Having A Chance Means A Lot To Me

    I know myself by my self-loathing and unreality like a signature tune. When I am well it can be endured easily. When very unwell it could lead to my death. The coin of mental health/mental illness spins in the darkness and falls at the feet of those who can care. It is flipped by a mixture of biology, chance, spirit and fate and I have to be ready for both outcomes. Those who care know ...

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    Tags:
    Hope
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    • 1
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  • New Experiences

    Everyone else wants to take new experiences With both hands. Sometimes I'm scared to clutch on to that dream. For security because I am scared to go out my safety zone and incase the dream is yanked out my hands. I am going to try experiences new events. That's what will give me confidence

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    Tags:
    thoughts
  • Left to Dwindle

    Yet again i havnt been on here for a while. Mainly i feel this page has become something thats forgotten about. All that time and effort into the design etc and i feel it could have gone places a lot quicker than it has. I would like to encourage my users of my mental health drop in to "Write to Recovery" and hopefully get some posted up here. This could have been so much more! ...

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    Tags:
    • 0
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    • 1
    • 0
  • Hello hope my old friend.....you tease

    As the civil war within my mind rages on darkness prevails, emptiness and loneliness as its allies. This morning however, hope has laid her seed, I pray it blooms. I woke to the all too familiar feeling of anxiety, an inability to lift my head from the pillow. I'd been here many times before, and not moved for hours even days. A battle sprung within, a fierce back and forth of thoughts, blows traded between ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    anxiety,
    depression
  • 99% Real : 1% Mania

    OH! That 1%. If only I could be real for 100% of the time. Would the grass have been greener for me, my family and friends? I fear it would not, life being life. It is just a rash of wishful thinking. That gremlin 1% precipitates, spontaneously, while working, knocking out reality in an instant. Like the wind blowing out a candle. Then I find myself trying to make everything right when it is out ...

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    Tags:
    mania,
    reflection,
    anxiety,
    love,
    self-worth
    • 0
    • 1
    • 0
    • 0
  • The trick...

    "The trick, William Potter, Is not minding that it hurts!" When I heard that quote through the haze of bipolar depression, I wondered if I had stumbled across a vital clue in my recovery. I realised my understanding of recovery and what it meant to my own mental health was flawed. I watched all the uplifting documentaries, I read all the hopeful stories and was so certain that if I kept striving for the same ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    journey
  • Where is the off switch??

    *TRIGGER WARNING* Can someone tell me where the off switch is please as the constant bombardment of thoughts are nothing short of painful. I really do hope that writing this is as cathartic an experience as I expect as this is my last hope. I can tell you exactly how I feel because you won't judge me will you (please don't, I'm far too sensitive right now) Frankly, I feel like I am wallowing - ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression,
    terror
    • 0
    • 0
    • 1
    • 0
  • Fighting

    Fighting Forever I am trying Instead of giving in Going the distance Hoping I will win Taking it easy Is only a dream Nothing to lose Giving in I won't mean 14/11/16 D'and

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    journey,
    fighting
  • Ugly thoughts

    Please note: this story references suicide. I was wearing a scarf earlier and I had to take it off because I started to hear the thoughts again, 'Kill yourself'... It creeps in amongst the normal thoughts like 'I'd better go and do the dishes..Or you could kill yourself'. I'd started to think I could maybe just hang myself with that scarf, I wondered how much it would hurt and what surface would hold my weight ...

    read more
    Tags:
    suicide,
    borderline personality disorder
    • 1
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    • 0
    • 0
  • Seeing the psychiatrist when they don't see you.

    My usual psychiatrist is off sick. 'You don't seem emotionally unstable to me at the moment' said the Dr, who I'd sat with for under half an hour. Yeah mate, that's not really what Emotionally Unstable/Borderline Personality Disorder is. You should probably know that, considering you're the one with the degree in this shit. He commends me for coping med free and after hearing my reasoning agrees that at this time with my current routine ...

    read more
    Tags:
    Diagnosis,
    EUPD,
    BPD,
    symptoms,
    Cyclothymia
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    • 0
    • 1
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  • Identifying Justice For and In Myself

    Making peace with all that is right in Man and with the Divine can be a daunting but rewarding life's work, spiritually. However, materially the mental health sufferer finds he is automatically at odds with the working world. He is viewed as “out of shape“, from the economic point of view and yet able to work. So how will he survive? How will he cope? Will his unique, personal work be recognized? Or will he ...

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    Tags:
    stigma,
    Answers/Solutions,
    justice,
    recovery journey
  • Night Time

    I wake myself up crying, the real primal kind, where the tears don't come before the wailing, and the writhing in the pit of the stomach. I curl up in fetal position, as if folding myself in half will somehow squeeze out the pain, or maybe keep the hope in. In the absence of a deity, I talk out loud to my long deceased ex, begging for him to stop this feeling, I say over ...

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  • How Music Helps Me

    When you're susceptible to mood swings it is good to avoid things that can put you on a downer, or make you too high. Music absolutely makes my day more manageable. Sometimes I Listen to it to lose myself in it, to get lost in the story, the rhythm. Other times I listen because I want to be found. I want to recognise what I am feeling and label it, experience it fully, express myself ...

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    Tags:
    Music
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  • The Passing of SADness

    The Passing of SADness The dark days outside rolled into one and there I was, trapped in the corner of my own dark place. A hard shell grew around me of my own making, a cold blizzard of bitterness within, shielding me from the reach of the well meaning, through my mind’s oppressive ceiling. In this eternal winter I mourned my losses, My defeated heart and troubled mind conspiring, Creating a toxic sedative which I ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    Sad,
    seasons
  • Dystopian Future of Madness

    May 1st 2030 The Underground Press A Spoonful of Bullets Helps Protesters Back Down Brave demonstrators were out in force in The Capital today, protesting for the rights of the thousands of mentally ill people who have been locked up, imprisoned in labour camps and mysteriously disappeared over the last decade, as controversies grow around recent laws about Shirking Work and Unwillingness to Conform. The Blue Party of Britania brought in the Cheerful Conformity Act ...

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    Tags:
    discrimination,
    public services,
    Satire
  • Beeline for Recovery

    Today I am a very weary traveller, making passage across my own recovery timeline. There is no destination beyond 'Wellness, as I interpret it, sustained for as long as I can.' There is no end goal; to aim for something solid would be futile, given that life will inevitably throw a few curve balls, and the occasional cricket bat to the face. There’s no timetable beyond the relentless mood diaries and the keeping of strict ...

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    Tags:
    Recovery,
    mindfulness,
    therapy
  • The Visitor

    Please note: this story references self harm. It has been a long day, I am tired and settling down for the night, but there is an uneasy feeling in my stomach, a twisting and fluttering, like there is a fear or question rising, one which I am not yet ready to entertain and answer, a request which I will not adhere to. There is a sense of something creeping up on me, a time, a ...

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    Tags:
    trauma,
    depression,
    Inner child
  • My Boyfriend plays too much video games and its tearing us apart!

    Ever since I got the internet back I have noticed my boyfriend spending all of his time playing online video games. It's either sleep or video games. never just quality time with me. I have mental illness and I find this really affecting my anxiety. I just want to feel loved and appreciated. Is that too much to ask for? This is taking over our relationship and I love him dearly and I know that ...

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    relationships
  • Fail

    Sometimes I have a day that reminds me that I am ill and it really sucks. Yesterday was one such day. Everything becomes so much harder and leaves me feeling exhausted and emotional. Yesterday I tried to have a relaxing day just spent in my house but it was not relaxing at all. I felt lonely, anxious and tearful. By the end of it I just thought why did I do this? The idea was ...

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    Tags:
    anxious,
    exhausted,
    tearful
  • Being kind

    sometimes I get really disappointed in myself when things get hard. It can be so difficult to be accepting of those times to an extent to be kind to yourself. I sometimes feel like its a complete failure. Other people tell me to be proud of myself for being pro-active, for trying to help myself and for seeking help from my doctors etc. but it still feels like a personal failing. So today I have ...

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    Tags:
  • Don't do it. (Trigger warning)

    Please note: this story references suicide. Death is never dignified, but the ending of a good story should be magnificent. Not swinging from a rope with shit, piss and jizz running down your legs, or vomiting luminous yellow bile and a chalky cocktail of pharmaceuticals surrounding you. No poetry, no love letters, no essays that you write, can explain away the pain that you inflict on others when you take away your life, it is ...

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    Tags:
    loss,
    grief,
    suicide
  • Beginning of The End

    So it happened. The split. Two sick people fighting their own demons, turned from circling back to back, to face each other and realised; Their battle for love was lost. There is a gap between them where the love used to flow , a ton of burden where a weightless cradle of support used to be, where passion and fire and saliva once mixed to melt their cold shoulders and bond them like glue. The ...

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    Tags:
    Love,
    Relationship,
    heartache,
    co-dependent
  • Is it worth it?

    Please note: this piece contains references to suicide. *suicidal thoughts* Such a ridiculous thing talking to someone who loves you about the fact you don't think anybody really loves you and would be better off without you. They are very reassuring, telling you how sad they would be, how devastated and messed up they would be if you did something bad to yourself but when you don't feel like anyone really loves you it feels ...

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    Tags:
  • Poem and Moan

    Please note:this piece contains references to self harm Darkness Descending Darkness descending Falling through time. fear, never-ending Hell, this is mine. Dragging me downward Spirals, have no use Fall further forward To horrifying truth. Sinking, sinking into Deep, deep dark holes What end will this come to? This dark wave that rolls. This is how I feel today. Had been doing really well until this last week when things have taken a turn for the ...

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    Tags:
    self-harm
  • The Ways Of Others And My Micro Failings

    Without sounding pathetic the ways of others tend to have been stronger. Events take over and I am in someone else's hands. Where did my power go? Then risks are taken on my behalf and their consequences are again held in someone else's hands. I am left with something I do not want to do, silenced and with no voice. Such are the perplexities that worry and frighten my soul. When I am surrounded by ...

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    Tags:
    identity,
    power,
    sense of self,
    loss,
    self-worth
  • expandible suicide!

    Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide Yesterday i went up into the park with a rope from my boyfriends tool box with the intension of doing myself in. Only i could not reach the tree i very probly would have been found hanging there this morning. Or maybe not ...as it turns out that the 'rope' turned out to be elastic!! Fat lot of good i would have done! Earlier that day i ...

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    Tags:
    fear,
    depression.,
    suicide.
  • To Do Lists

    To Do Lists When my life became quite small, and I barely functioned, my existence shrunk down to a series of lists to keep me sane. They were meant to become habits, second nature, things that get done regardless of how you feel, where you are and what is going on in your life. They were written to combat the strange amnesia that comes upon you when in the clutches of depression, when you forget ...

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    Tags:
    existential,
    dread
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  • Forgotten Lists of the Decades

    For fun, here is a list of things I was DEFINITELY going to have by the time I was 25: A dazzling career, either in the entertainment industry or maybe working as a PA for someone hugely famous and wealthy, who would let me cruise around their high life with all their cash and benefits, but with anonymity. A beautiful Spanish/Italian boyfriend, who was an exceptional love and cook and played guitar and wrote songs ...

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    Tags:
    humour,
    Life goals,
    lists,
    ambition
  • In which we discover that life is better than a life purpose.

    So I've been thinking about my place in the world. Wondering what I should be doing with myself, now ten years has passed since I last did paid work and I am feeling a bit more able and restless. I was thinking how hard it is to set foot back into the workplace, knowing that its not stepping back to You ten years ago when you abandoned your job, but stepping into the new version ...

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    Tags:
    volunteering,
    purpose,
    job,
    achievement,
    career
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  • The Jitters They Saw

    Having recently failed a 3 hour interview by a tiny whisker due to my jitters at the role-play part, I realize that the job is not meant for me. As the pressure increased so the jitters multiplied under the influence of the interview technique into a rainbow of nerves. This cycle always occurs and repeats itself whenever tested too much. I reflect that I can see work ever more clearly with time and experience. I ...

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    Tags:
  • Medicine

    Medicine I can spot the difference tween a dip and a high, I can spread my wings, I now know how to fly, I can dive like a bomber, advance on my prey, they’ll be blitzed to the ground, toast the next day. But will I feel proud? Should I keep my advance for another day and blow them away with a spoonful of sugar in a delightful way?

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    Tags:
  • Free to be me

    I wanna be Free to be Me Not what you want or expect me to be I’m gonna come out of my shell Be alive and well Break out of my skull not be dull I wanna soar and glide like a gull high in the sky feel alive I should smile and be kind Not closed in behind a grin When there’s no shades of grey And everything’s grim Not just a bad day ...

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    Tags:
    • 0
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  • Accept loss forever

    A few pithy words form Jack Kerouac. Yes you do have to accept loss for ever. Even if we did achieve the impossible of racial and individual immortality, entropy and accident would intervene. Submissive open and listening. In a world of neo-capitalist brutal completion that would be a true gift. Finally, yes I suppose without fear and shame dignity comes like gentle rain on parched, cracked skin. Maybe even to be in love with your ...

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    Tags:
    Recovery,
    Hope
  • Memories of 6

    Last throws of summer, cool morning air, picnics on the grass, holding on so tight u grip to forgotten summers past. I'll be back again next year u see, please don't mourn my loss, for summer comes every year following winters frost. Memories u still can makes for the day is not yet done, as u skip and play ur cares away in the last of the summers sun.

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    Tags:
  • Why me?

    You know, I sit here and just think why me? Why fall in love with me? Like there's nothing to really say about myself..... Everyone always has such sweet things to say about me but why don't I believe them? Why does my girlfriend put up with so much, but why does she do things also that doesn't help my thoughts? Does she even love me the way I love her? Why be friends with ...

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    Tags:
  • What makes me angry

    What makes me angry Being trapped Being afraid No space for escape Polite conventions Keeping the balance Tongue tied in a knot to keep the thoughts inside Why is my voice so unimportant? Secondary to everyone else Where can I be heard? Are my feelings so unimportant I must defer to others? Why do they not consider their impact on those around them? Someone else, me, tidying up in the aftermath. CM

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    Tags:
  • Takers

    TAKERS!! Is it me? Is it them? Who is it? They take, take, take!! And when asked to give? They always say, “Why me?” “It can’t be me!” “I never give!” “I only ever take!” DM

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  • My Rose

    My Rose I hold love, so dear I’d hold that love even dearer, if it was here In this tear stained place, looking at me With a look, that makes the heart inside, pure race Some of us are absent without leave Me, I’m absent without love and lonely As Adam before the creation of Eve I need a paradise darlin’, to bring out The roses in the garden, despite the thorns Every garden needs ...

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    Tags:
  • Time

    Time’ ‘Time’ is to me The Days, Weeks, Minutes and Seconds It flies in. The next minute it’s January and the next it’s June Where is the time going? It goes in that fast. Ten years ago? It’s just like last week. written & submitted by Patricia Callery RAMH ‘Writing Group’

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    Tags:
  • Time

    ‘Time’ Just yesterday My son was so small But today? He is bigger than me. Just yesterday My son started school But today? He has now left school Just yesterday My daughter was born But today? She is preparing for High School Just yesterday My mother told me “Time flies when you have kids” Just yesterday I laughed at the thought But today? I finally admitted she was right. Time flies! written & submitted by ...

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  • Time

    ‘Time’ Time is a ruler Time rules your life It is the only thing we can guarantee Until it’s our ‘TIME’ to pass What do we do with our time here? Do we share freely with others? Do we hoard it all to ourselves like a hermit, under the covers? I like to share my time with the ones I love. I like to spend it wisely. Who knows when our time is gone? So ...

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    Tags:
  • Time 2

    ‘Time’ I cannot buy time I can buy a telly I can buy some booze I can buy some music and listen to the ‘Blues’ I wish I could buy time But no-one is selling!! written & submitted by Catherine Mulholland RAMH ‘Writing Group’

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  • Time

    ‘Time’ Time wasted Time lost Time flying Time lost Time working Time waiting Time living Time dreaming Time dying Time Lost! written & submitted by Catherine Mulholland RAMH ‘Writing Group’

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    Tags:
  • Time

    ‘Time’ Time goes in so quickly Passing by and managing my every minute, my every second. It waits for no-one. It cannot truly be bought or extended. The sliding doors of time persist in motion, my life’s pulse and purpose Beating my heart to its rhythm, with or without loss. Time permits and commands my very being. Time is now. Spend and share it wisely! written & submitted by Andrea O’Brien RAMH ‘Writing Group’

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    Tags:
  • Fighting self sabotage!

    I hit success today, I managed to do what I set out to do. Even though my inner (shall we call it demon? Well it is that annoying - not a real voice by the way, just my subconscious)voice was screaming at me to give up because it's just too much hard work. I would call myself lazy, but it wouldn't be true it's more like a lack of self belief, inspiration and motivation really ...

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    Tags:
    success,
    fighting yourself,
    triumph,
    hard work,
    self-worth
  • It happens sometimes.

    I am confident in my own worth and then I forget who I am. My value, my goals, my talent, my love all worthless without self belief. The things that I love I’m uncertain of, can I really write? Am I a good mother? Am I a good girlfriend and friend? Am I really good at my profession? Is my perception completely off? Do people actually like me? Is my poetry all that good? Always ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    stress,
    loss,
    Depression
  • I'm missing... can you please find me?

    I suppose my stress and anxiety started at a young age, you see I was born into a mixed race/ mixed religion (or lack thereof really) family. Now that wouldn't have been a problem had I lots of friends in the same boat, but I was not given that stability and comfort. Nor was I given the comfort that many have sought through religion. So I was a small child with completely different parents and ...

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    Tags:
  • My experience with "professionals"

    Please note: This piece contains references to self harm. My experiences with mental health professionals has been... Well, colourful at least. My story begins when I was 15/16, and I was diagnosed with depression from a child psychologist after I had been self harming for a couple of years. To begin with, I thought he was on my side. But as I got better at hiding my self harming, and therefore looked less and less ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    Diagnosis,
    bad experience,
    bpd,
    judgemental
  • Love And Pain

    "Love and Pain" Love is in pain, It would hurt less, If our hearts, Just; Stopped beating, Bleeding feelings, Pain is within love, As; Love is within pain, Sadly, It is all; Part of the game, It should be written, In the name, Why is it, No matter, The frame, Love always, Ends in pain. By Carlo McNicholl ‪#‎cmn‬

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    Tags:
    Poem,
    Love,
    Pain,
    heartache
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  • Voices we hear and the Voice we are

    The general daily accusations that a mental health sufferer has to filter out of his hearing and not get depressed about are addressed to everyone. The accusations of idleness, laziness, bumming around, sky walking, dreaming, poor attitude, time wasting, avoidance etc. then there is the general anger towards these perceived faults. This makes us feel very poorly indeed. I understand why, having worked, that time is money. Being unproductive is a sin in the eyes ...

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    Tags:
    coping strategies,
    discrimination,
    identity,
    stigma
  • My Dad

    My Dada had superpowers.. He could run as fast backward as he could forwrds He could tackle the midfield, the forwards and the back line while dribbling with a stone on the way to the Coop. He could do a headstand against the wall and dance the pas-de-bas , spin a 10p piece and catch a grape in his mouth My Dad had superpowers He could play for Scotland with a ball made from a ...

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    Tags:
    heroes,
    family superpowers
  • The Urge

    I'm home alone It's bright and warm, my throat is dry as a bone Thirsty work this laying bark The urge is getting stronger and stronger I want that drink That pint of cider which will turn into ten, what about two bottles of wine then I deserve it, I've been really good Sod it, no one will know- will they? Consequences, consequences, consequences, the urge will only last seven minutes I'm told. Stay strong ...

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    Tags:
  • As darkness arises

    As darkness arises Silence all the laughter everyone has gone, Leave me here let life roll on. Shut out the light I don't wish you to see, This empty existence Now en-capuriting me. Close all the doors let no one in, The person you knew, Is no longer me. Lock all the windows make this my cell, The dark is my prison this is my hell. Block all those sounds let life roll along, I ...

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    Tags:
    fear,
    isolation
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  • where ever you will go

    To my precious sons.... Wherever you will go. So lately I've been wondering who will be there to take my place, when I'm gone you need love to light the shadows on your face. If a great wave shall fall, it will fall upon us all and between the sands and stones could you make it on your own. If I could, then I would go wherever you will go, way up high or down ...

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    Tags:
    sons,
    heartache,
    mother's love
  • Hope in the storm

    Overcoming the Power of numbers. Today, I let myself down, I step back on the scale and seen those numbers, those numbers which drive me deeper into illness. I have managed to refrain from doing this myself as I know it becomes a game and already just thinking of attending this makes my eating disorder mind take over the progress I am making in recovery- and I know this is very little and not been ...

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    Tags:
    eating disorder,
    Hope
  • Charity and cycle

    Please note: this piece contains references to self-harm. So i havnt been on here for so long but i think its time i started using it again. i need somewhere to ramble and rant without being judged. I was tidying out my cupboard and came across the leaflet for this site and forgot all about it. I run a charity called "The Little Box of Distractions" and it helps by sending out a free box ...

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    Tags:
    Positive,
    Little Box of Distractions,
    Support,
    Charity,
    Cycle
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  • silent tears

    SILENT TEARS Each day as evening starts to set The ache builds in her chest She knows that she must go to bed And try to get some rest She hugs her tear stained pillow close When no one is around And cries for the one's she loved and lost And screams without a shout Others see her in the day And thinks she's doing well But every day as evening sets She enters her ...

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    Tags:
    Pain,
    isolation,
    struggle
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  • It's over

    It's over..... It's over, concluded, totally demolished anger, betrayal, utterly acknowledged shame, denial, personally embraced pain, injustice, staring you in the face detached, clinical, simply isolated power, control, secretly perpetrated hunger, starvation, numb reduction impact, terror, subtle destruction.

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    Tags:
    anger,
    betrayal
  • Pretender

    Life is all pretending We're pretend in every way We smile and say we're fine And we're pretending every day You look at me and wonder If I love you, if I care, And I tell my eyes to tell you That my love for you is there They want to know I'm happy They worry if I'm sad So I smile to reassure them That my life isn't so bad These fret if I ...

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    Tags:
    poem,
    being,
    honest
  • Writing

    In 1990 my car was broadsided by a speeding city bus as I turned out of a parking lot - I was in a coma and had sustained a severe brain injury. I began to write when I was carrying my first child, less than two years after my accident. Writing, throughout the darkest part of my recovery, when everyone looked down on me and I had no one to talk to or relate with ...

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    Tags:
    writing,
    novella,
    PTSD
  • Discombobulated

    Verbally I am mute, this happens sometimes... I feel hot and shaky and one eye is crying a waterfall of tears for the life I have known and the life yet to come. I hear the traffic outside, continuously moving forward, this just reminds me of what I cannot achieve. Alone. Death. Peace.

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  • Surprise!

    When I first "got help", it was more to prove to myself that I was beyond help, but to do that I had to make a serious effort, no cheating or half-measures. I would show me, so I would. Turns out I'm not beyond help. I won't pretend my mental health is perfect but I truly feel like the worst is behind me, and getting further away every day. Never saw that coming tbh. Now ...

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    Tags:
    recovery
  • The Great Void

    It's like grieving for your former self I have gone My soul has disappeared And I don't know if it will ever return. I don't know where to begin My brain is cotton wool And my heart aches. A black hole inside of me Pulling everything inwards Soon my heart won't even hurt I will cease to exist in this reality.

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    Tags:
    Depression,
    loneliness
  • Walk back from the dr's

    Decided to walk home from the dr's appointment today instead of getting the bus back, I was gonna walk there in the first place but I was running a bit late for that option. Bit silly considering I had the whole day off and it's a half-hour walk to an afternoon appointment, but somehow I managed to end up running late. There's an obvious "main" road I could have used but instead I chose the ...

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    Tags:
    community,
    detached,
    walking
  • Notes To Myself On Living

    The same fundamental chord of experience which causes me to experience mental illness over and over again is not something I can change. I can be very well but I still have it playing under my skin. I can refine my habits and change my lifestyle but it will not stay quiet. I can find work and find love but it will not stop influencing my experiences with its abstract tones. I can pray to ...

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    Tags:
    self-help,
    coping strategies,
    taking control
  • Esperando ligação da ABP para emprego.

    Atualmente estou lutando para imaginar um futuro positivo com a possibilidade de trabalhar na ABP. Embora saiba que tenho habilidades e interesse pelo assunto sobre doenças mentais, e poderia atuar numa área que é de meu interesse, tenho ansiedades em relação a impossibilidade de cumprir um padrão de sono. Meu maior problema atualmente é a luta com a insônia crônica e o meu distúrbio neurológico do PLMD.

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  • Returns Policy

    Dear Sir/Madam, RE: Society broken on delivery I am writing with regards to the recently promoted item of society that I purchased into. Having initially opted for the 'bargain basement' option, no frills, no gift wrap and no guaranteed day/time slot for delivery. Society arrived to me a bit broken around the edges. I had signed for the delivery of society on this occasion, but in all honesty I was a bit distracted as I ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    recovery
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  • Isolation

    I'm aware of the fact that recovery can mean living successfully while symptoms continue. At the moment I feel that I need somewhere to express my sense of isolation, to lessen this by reading other people's experiences - why is why I have joined the network.

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    Tags:
    expressing myself,
    isolation
  • Boys or Men? Support or Dependency?

    I am sticking with a short burst today just to keep some momentum going. Where to start? I think maybe with me as a parent. I have 3 children - all boys, or I should say men, (as people remind me) in their late 20's. It is difficult to move from talking of them as "boys" to calling them "men". I think this is because they have been, and are today, still dependent on me ...

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    Tags:
    parent,
    financial troubles,
    Dilemma,
    sons,
    millennial generation
  • Making a Start

    It has taken me a long time to decide to put my thoughts into writing but I need to do something constructive with them and this is a start! As I write, I am feeling apprehensive but a bit hopeful. You see I have 3 grown up children with mental health issues and I constantly struggle to support them as a parent. I need somewhere to share my thoughts in order to reflect on them ...

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    Tags:
    Mental Health,
    Coping Strategy,
    Grown Up Children,
    Parent
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  • New Directions

    sad...disappointed...always me...I support other people...no-one supports me...I am alone and on my own...always the way it has been struggling on in yet another job where there is bullying and bad behaviour...why is it always me that has to stand up to people??? both for myself and for other people need to get back to looking after me...NLP...CBT...new skills...new directions need some positive changes in my life but sometimes it is soooo hard!!! how many times ...

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  • rainy day

    Rain slowly caresses my face, Eyes nip gently in watery haze, This garden seems the right landscape, A green grassy blanket to hide and escape, My wet clothes in a cold embrace, Can't stop my weeping in my own rainy day daze, I chose to shout my thoughts to the rain, My first verbal expression of inner pain, Lost in feelings of lost, wave upon wave of uneasy, This first step on my recovery path, ...

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    Tags:
    recovery
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  • Welcome to the world of pain and suffering

    Sweet dreams were broken When I looked up to the sky Hateful words spoken I thought to say my goodbyes When times were tough to strive You've shattered my hopes of dreams and love Left me weeping preparing to be hurt I trusted you with my full life Whilst you gave me so much pain But, things from your side were different Of putting all the blame I thought things would change But, instead became ...

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    Tags:
    abuse,
    Guilt,
    betrayal,
    pain
  • Past to Present - Revovery is not only possible but inevitable!!!

    Warning: This piece contains references to self harm PAST to PRESENT RECOVERY IS NOT ONLY POSSIBLE BUT INEVITABLE!! Cloudy thoughts and self-harm: positivity is the charm. To the one's with the scars and broken hearts, whose smiles and tears aren't far apart. To the one's with blood flowing from wounded arms, I know the struggles of self-harm. I know the feeling of finding comfort in a knife and, the aching desire to end my life. ...

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    Tags:
    Recovery,
    Self-Harm,
    Hope,
    Blood and Tears
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  • Lectures

    It's been a while since I've been to all my lectures. I've got one in 15 minutes and the last two on this subject I've just switched off half way through. I'm gonna try and stay focused for the whole thing, write down everything I can. When I actually do something to do with my degree I tend to enjoy it, but sticking with it, and starting in the first place, is so much effort. ...

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    Tags:
    Depression,
    lecture,
    motivation,
    university
  • Alpabet Animals

    Alphabet Animals - a story from my imagination by David Love. Sam the sausage dog went swimming in the sea with seven swans Tom the tiger went for a trek in the jungle with twelve turtles Uri the urangutang went under the tree with unruly ursula Victor the vole went into his hole to dig for victory Willy the wasp went wild in the fields looking for water Xante the x-ray machine saw stars and ...

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    Tags:
  • Not quite good enough

    I am experiencing the difficulty of probably being in love with someone who is unable to return the same sort of love that I give. We obviously care for one another, but I need more attention and care then he thought I would. Casual hurts. No matter how many times he tells me that I am good enough and that it's him, not me. It will not soothe the niggling in my mind that I.am.not.quite.good.enough. ...

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    Tags:
    Relationship
  • Denying as much as it can't be the way it can if we so choose?

    To go where I can't help but go with the acceptance of accepting all there is that could be of all the greater magic of what is to what isn't that of those as we were we are and who knows what we're going to be with all our credentials in order?

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    Tags:
    hope
  • Doing that say what? And other stories

    Cover me up and God will see you more than I would see all of you? As a dreamer Supertramp style? When I put my hands in my head you should conservatively think I'm touching you where you've got to me? Being all over the place? Doing my kind of head would remain more in the realms of fantasy as something less sinister I hope than the blood letting drive of a Dracula figure looming ...

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    Tags:
    stories
  • As a lover in need of a love ❤ no longer in doubt? AND OTHER STORIES

    Of all things more and less vampire like or linked.as I've loved m bat mobile as you can never know if you've avoided being a child as I've been thrown into turmoil as if thrown to the mob of despair as if despairing of rue living dead more inspiringly led to lead lives apart from the more dead than alive ways of the masses feeding off what they might perceive as emotional stability rather than ...

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    Tags:
    hope
  • As much as I haven't begun to begin with finding intellectuals in need of further intuitive tuition?

    As I am really I can assure you where I'm beginning as I've begun to feel just how much I'm supposed to feel if I'm allowed to feel further enjoyment of what I haven't been able to feel enough of to have me comment further on from this until where there's a slim chance of too much lovely love there on the table waiting a little impatiently for life to happen the way you'd want ...

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    Tags:
    hope
  • God would have to be the woman or more over women for me as the missing link to you as I'm know more than a broken man

    Seeing as if there could be nothing to see more than no other as an option to be had by me and for me as the being to be with my mother and all her family for an eternity far from the way or out of the way she is when I won't as much as I don't have to have her being the way she is so bloody miserable with missing what she misses ...

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    Tags:
    hope
  • Have you been and gone through those many stages of three stages of oh heh now

    God paranoia and of course loss of all inhibitions and further in which order do you more usually find yourself at your most comfortable with madness as you do or don't chastise yourself esteem at having gone crazy as an unbuttoned blouse reaming with the desire to be cut short one way or the other?

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    Tags:
    hope
  • I've really gone haven't I?

    Approaching it in and out of the way as I do in the most rational of ways I can rationally rationalize myself as a really crazy person who would think to try analysing insanity as much as sanity while being so close to sanity in an insane or inane way that I find I’ve found quite stimulating and even easy as it seems to get so much easier for the wholes prospectus thing handling wherever ...

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    Tags:
    Hope;
  • VERY GENEROUSLY STATING THE MOST INSATIABLY OBLIVIOUS TO OBLIVION?

    Where if it is actually food that you crave more than me as a rave raving on and on about then as if it’s now being as something of rarebit to my idea of an Alice in wonder landing me right in it asking you why don’t you just eat me like the pill said but perhaps with a little more relish than I could ever have relished before where I could never be all ...

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    Tags:
    Hope;
  • Sing little birdy sing?

    I respect all respective respectful resplendent cultures as I can be the best I can be without me taking it all too seriously when it's more tolerable for all of us to see the joke as a joke as I can easily take a joke as should about as far as it goes to where that's pretty much all this is and will go on being for ah that work that I've pit into sayin ...

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    Tags:
    Hope
  • Thanks for nothing?

    When I say nothing I really mean that from the heart ♥ but from her heart ♥ as I lost my heart ♥ to nothing a long time ago when I stopped trying to be something in not?

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    Tags:
    Hope
  • Now as much as forever?

    It will be most interesting for me but perhaps not so much for you to be made more aware of whether the mediators are here for us or there for us 24/7?

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    Tags:
    Hope
  • I THINK AS I’VE REALLY THOUGHT I THINK?

    We are all extremely important at this stage to the next beyond and before we are whatever we’re supposed to be and perhaps with a little consideration you might like to help me there while I’m just beginning to feel my way is paved with golden moments?

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    Tags:
    hope
  • I'm sure as I'm sure you're sure?

    It’s going to be hard for me and yet maybe not so much for you when as much as it was and could be I don’t think it will ever be quite the same again as I will as much as I can do do whatever I can with God to make it and all this bad feeling seem more beautifully like a mere walk in the park where I remember or recall quite vividly ...

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    Tags:
    hope
  • The first

    Hello this is just a quick burst as I'm rather short of time on time when I first wrote this and now I'd just like to try and make it more right than it was wrong in the first place as I'd like to say now more than I was then a few days ago I am well on the way to recovery no thanks but with many thanks to you and so many of ...

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    Tags:
    Tag,
    1
  • The Stigma of BPD - Seen in Professionals

    I was initially diagnosed with depression and after a while borderline personality disorder was diagnosed too. This is how I experienced the change in attitudes when this happened. I am depressed - we are here at any time I have BPD - stop wasting our time I am depressed - we can see you are distressed I have BPD - you are not distressed at all I am depressed - we know self harming is ...

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    Tags:
    stigma,
    depression,
    BPD,
    borderline personality disorder
    • 0
    • 0
    • 2
    • 1
  • How Can You Understand ?!

    How can you begin to understand a messed up mixed up depressed mind. I fear I’ll never be understood, I fear the more ppl I encounter with will run when they try to piece together or understand me as a whole! Me explaining why I think like that or why I act like that is as hard as solving a math problem without being taught. I can’t explain it , I wouldn’t know where to ...

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    Tags:
    depression
  • Recovery

    Recently, someone asked me what I thought was a simple question at first....What is recovery? I thought for a bit and came to the conclusion that for me, recovery is not what I initially thought it was when first diagnosed with bipolar 10years ago. If you think about the word "recover" it makes you think of getting something back and that is how I felt about my mental health recovery. I felt I had to ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    bipolar
  • I am me, I matter

    Why is it that when I feel positive for once that the wind gets stolen from my sails? Why am I the one that's always there for everyone else? Today I want to wake up, to realise the importance of my life to others......I AM important too, I DO care about me..... Time to prove I AM me and that I matter. From today I will concentrate on the positives, walk away from the negatives ...

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    Tags:
    #Recovery,
    #live,
    #behappy
  • Let Me Speak

    The fear of having no voice. I scream & shout but still there’s no sound. . . I lost my voice well I thought I did. So I stop writing & I stop believing. All my misbeliefs and heartache and overthinking started consuming my mind body & soul. Not good! To put in words how, I wouldn’t even know what to start with. If I start rambling on, just let me ! I seem all ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    suicide,
    suicidal thoughts,
    life,
    Thinking
    • 1
    • 0
    • 0
    • 0
  • Trying to Describe Emptiness

    How can I write about and describe feeling empty and emotionless when those words imply that there is nothing there? Blank. I know I am distressed about 'feeling' this way but I can't feel that distress. I am disconnected from experiencing my emotions. Maybe it's like being surrounded by emotional darkness, in a black sea that has stopped moving and producing sound. My senses are still intact but I can't reach out and experience anything. ...

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    Tags:
  • Self harm

    Self harmed for the first time in months,but tomorrow is a new day and I will start towards being clean again, no more self harm!!!!

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    Tags:
    self-help,
    stress
  • Mary

    Mary this poem is for you To tell you what I think is true You are a delight to know One look at you and I start to glow. You have helped me so much Please say you'll keep in touch I enjoy our little sessions Helps me cope with my depression. Just to know that you are there Always with a kind word to share You make a difference in my life In times ...

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    Tags:
  • Toward Recovery

    Recovery What exactly is recovery? From an illness that is. Most likely it means different things to different people. It is very personal. It usually is not a one off affair. It takes time and with setbacks. And there can be the added problem of needing to recover from more than one illness, which in turn, can have added problems with which to deal. Alcoholism My first real encounter with an illness was with alcohol. ...

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    Tags:
  • Emotions

    They will come Every day I expect them but they are still Unexpected They do not come in short bursts They come in a huge overwhelming blast No way out of my body Sometimes I cry but They don't come out in my tears Automatically I bleed but They don't come out in my blood I panic There are no distractions big enough to offer relief I talk Sometimes they ease If I am alone ...

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    Tags:
    Poem,
    emotions
  • Pets

    Since I was very young i've had to look after my family. It was hard work and I seemed to get nothing good from it other than knowing that my family was cared for. A voluntary organisation kept telling me to get a cat to improve my mental health but my Dad wasn't keen on it. I ended up in hospital for a bit and when I came home I found two kittens waiting for ...

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    Tags:
    Pets
  • Jim Jam Day

    Here we go again. The only full day my fiancée and I have together and we spend the day asleep. I then think its a ruined day but my fiancée seems cool with it. She says its great to have a day in bed when shes been out working all week. I just think we could have been out and doing something even though its raining and the money we have has been appointed to ...

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    Tags:
    Engagement,
    Work,
    FedUp,
    Fiancee,
    Girlfriend
  • Broken Toy

    Heal me I cannot heal myself Find me Don't leave me here alone You have left, for a while I have been put in a box Forgotten A broken toy Why mend me when there are other perfect toys? Ignore me Smash me into pieces it's all i'm worthy of Scatter me in the ruins of a once treasured land I am too heavy to blow away I will sink into the soil No flowers ...

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    Tags:
    Poem
  • Recovery in a Marble

    I wrote this at a writing group after being asked to pick an object and write about it. I chose a marble with a green wave/eye in the middle. What I have written is about recovery, I think. The green wave can be seen through the glass but it cannot be touched. There are no mirrors within the glass so the wave cannot see its beauty. There are bubbles, the waves oxygen. It has all ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    recovery
  • Quietly Does It

    I am normally a very sociable person and after the nerves of meeting people for the first time (in any situation) I am normally a cheery, bubbly person. The past 3 days I have noticed it more than anything but I just cant be bothered. On Tuesday at Derby training, although I wasn't skating I went along to help and an hour in and I left because I just didn't want to be around anyone ...

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    Tags:
    Mum,
    Positive,
    Group,
    Negative,
    Company
  • My Mental Wealth

    My Mental Wealth Story While working in a stressful job as senior manager in NHS, I became depressed and suicidal, lonely and despairing. Something had to change...and it did. I had a break-down or, as I later called it,- a break-through. I went through a process, lifestyle changes, prescriptions and various therapeutic activities that helped me to get my mental wealth back. My mental wealth includes: friendships and time with friends; meditation, both mindfulness and ...

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    Tags:
    metta,
    depression,
    mindfulness,
    despair,
    stress
    • 0
    • 1
    • 1
    • 0
  • Silence

    The house is empty, not empty meaning no furniture but empty as in there is one body less than there normally is, The house so quiet that I can hear the kids screaming and playing in the street, That 1 body less makes a difference, It is the difference between a house filled with laughter and smiles and a house that is quiet. The dogs have their presence but still it is quiet with them ...

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    Tags:
    Dog,
    Partner,
    Silence,
    Dogs,
    Work
  • Stream of Consciousness

    Am I good enough to keep going? At times I feel like no one is by my side, even though that is a lie. I have a very good friend that I have known for the past 10 years, but I have no idea why he sticks by me. Most people have turned their backs on me and at other times I feel I have been left behind, whether it was my own choice or ...

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    Tags:
    Negative Thinking,
    Self Doubt
  • Shedding the label

    ' I will survive' by Gloria Gaynor. I do not like this song, perhaps I did once. Survive defined as : continue to live or exist, especially in spite of danger or hardship. I do not wish to merely live or exist I wish to feel alive..to be free of danger or hardship. I rotate the dial on the car radio and eliminate the disco beat from my ears....the lyrics linger... fluttering, around my head ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    survival,
    domestic abuse
    • 0
    • 0
    • 1
    • 0
  • End of the line

    It all ended on the longest day of the year, around 9pm I received a text message from her, saying that she was sorry and that she never felt the same way I did from the start. "I've completely led you on, none of this is your fault" "I've had unsure feelings from the start". It turns out what she meant was, from the first time I spoke to her, she knew things would never ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    rejection
  • Lindsay Version 2: The Upgrade

    I am spare body parts and broken machinery I appear human but I am a complex system run by a program I am superior But My being is no longer compatible with the human system and machinery I am being rejected Dying The body no longer offers me shelter My shell is breaking apart Where will I end up? Another body? Created again? Lindsay Version 2: The Upgrade More power to destroy the world Disguised ...

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    Tags:
    Poem
    • 0
    • 1
    • 0
    • 0
  • Imaginary

    Today I feel imaginary A creature concocted in a dreamer's mind Brought into being by thoughts and images Existing only when thought of Stop thinking about me and I disappear Today I feel like the world is imaginary The people too Brought into being by my confusion and loneliness Existing only when thought of Stop thinking about the world, the people and they disappear I am alone Am I perceived or am I the perceiver? ...

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    Tags:
    Poem
  • 2.30am Ramblings

    Its 2.30am and I am awake. I havn't seen this time much in the past year. Since getting out of the psych ward last July and given new meds my sleep has rarely been a problem. I have a blocked nose which has bunged up my sinuses and I feel like I have a cold. I am at my girlfriends house and have just had to get up and go through Into the living room ...

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    Tags:
    Self-Harm,
    Hospital,
    Insomnia,
    Agitated,
    Ill
  • Stupid Twitter

    Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with twitter. I have had a good day but there are people on there who just want to be bitchy. I am not a person to hold my tongue so I normally end up in a heated debate with someone. It frustrates me how the internet makes people so "brave" because they are behind a computer screen. I am the same online as I am offline and everyone ...

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    Tags:
    Anger,
    Bullying,
    Twitter,
    Confrontation
  • Thank You

    You give me time and let me talk I feel like you understand me You're like a rock A very kind person so honest and true There are rarely any people who make me feel better like you do You see me as a person when others see me as a diagnosis When my mind is racing you can help me focus I'm low and i'm scared full of loss and despair I know i'll ...

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    Tags:
    Poem
  • A Poem About Self Harm (May Trigger)

    Silver Red Running Dead Sharp Straight Beauty Hate

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    Tags:
    Poem,
    self harm
    • 1
    • 0
    • 0
    • 1
  • Acceptance

    I don't want to be told What to do How to do it What will make me better What will make me worse What my life should be like How I should feel The ways to move forward Stop trying to change me All I want to be is accepted For who I am What I do How I do it How my life looks How I feel The way I move forward Accept me ...

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    Tags:
    Poem,
    Acceptance
  • Eclipse

    There is no moon to judge me by tonight No pearlescent shine upon the clouds To cast a lonely light On my indifference There is no moon. There's only dark delight In hiding, running from the world And scary sleepless night In my intensity There is no moon. There is no sky at night Or sun by day. While others live and love And do 'what's right' I seek eternity There is no moon. There ...

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    Tags:
    suicidal,
    thoughts
  • Awake

    Why am I still awake? Im normally sound asleep at this time. Im missing my girlfriend but she said I should go stay tonight but I've just not really moved from here all evening. I also had thoughts of self harming but as I said I havnt really moved. I cant be bothered doing anything. maybe its the small amount of cocodamol I'v taken that's keeping me awake but also making me tired and feel ...

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    Tags:
    Awake,
    Cocodamol,
    Tablets,
    Sleep,
    Tired
  • Self-pity

    Its such an adjustment getting used to living on my own. I feel like Im constantly running around to try to keep my head above water with everything that I've got to do. Between learning about who I am as a person, watching my moods, maintaining a clean living environment, holding down a job without feeling like theyre all jerks that are out to be mean to me, making it to meetings, meeting with my ...

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    Tags:
    Thinking
  • Disorganised Mess

    If I have been away from home for any length of time like if I have been at Shelleys for a few days, or even if I go shopping and come home with a lot of bags I get so agitated and anxious and can stress out about the "mess" and "disorganisation" of the house. I cant settle until the house is tidy but in my mind there's always something that needs done.

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Mess,
    Stress,
    Shopping
  • Daily Crazys

    I have so many things to do in my life, and no idea where to start, so I start nowhere. Sometimes I waste hours doing absolutely nothing, and then feel guilty about it later. I still get overwhelmed with all this time and space with myself, not sure what to do with it all, and find myself all over the place... stuck in the self-pity and fear of the aloneness of it. But its not ...

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    Tags:
    the,
    #clear,
    mind
  • The unknown voices

    This is a poem I would like to share of my struggles with hearing voices. I'm living with one head I'm living with two eyes but, I'm never alone I look in the mirror, and see them creeping making plans, making paths in my head I try to cry them out I try to drown them away but, they never leave they said they are here to stay As I stare in a daze it ...

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    Tags:
  • Curtain Call

    With the curtains open I looked out at the damp of the dawn and thought how much a miracle it was that the rain should fall at all. I thought of the road I had travelled on my journey to know myself to understand the world and fight for fairness I thought of where I am now and the distance I've come in the search of the spirit of myself And with my eyes mesmerised ...

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    Tags:
  • I Am Imaginary

    Everything is blank and empty. Neutral. This 'thing' is not me. Things are quiet and emotionless. No reactions. Nothing to react to. Dull. I can't stand this space filled with a lack of emotion I know there have been a lot of distressing moments recently but their emotional impact has faded from my memory. I am numb. I am happiest in my lowest moments. I am connected. I am me. I want to talk to ...

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    Tags:
    writing,
    feelings
  • Life and times of Gary. Oddities of a modest existence

    I want to be calm and collected. Every day is an effort just to be ok. I have everything to be thankful for as I'm told.

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    Tags:
  • Walls Do Care

    A counsellor I saw when I was at uni said that he talks to his dog and his wall but he's not sure that they care. I think that walls care. They keep the outside out and the inside in, they listen without judging or interrupting, they don't tell your secrets, and most of the time they don't leave.

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    Tags:
  • My Personal Storm

    I have a book full of ideas about things to write about. One of them is "a storm destroys your uncle's shed and kills his six year old son. Describe the colour of the sky right before the storm hit." This is my personal storm. I never noticed my sky because it never occurred to me that it would change. Looking back to right before the storm hit, I suppose the sky was huge and ...

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    Tags:
    writing
  • Emotions

    Emotional waves of razors and glass Thick, heavy darkness that will not pass Trapped alone in a metal barred head Going through the motions of the already dead Unseen through layers of disguises and masks Allowing the program to complete daily tasks Anxious enough to jump out of my skin Don't know where the parts end and where I begin Feeling like a child and looking like a freak No hope and no care, the ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    emotions,
    suicidal thoughts,
    poem,
    self harm
  • Inside and Outside

    There is rumbling and rattling inside this brick body Not enough to fill the enclosure Soon the body will be just a fatty lump the cats can feed on The body is a soldier It follows commands I will live my life as a shadow of everyone else even when there is no light to create me My voice is being suffocated by a pillow I am wearing an internal gag Sometimes I can talk ...

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    Tags:
    poem
  • Grateful

    I had a dream that I was really suicidal and self harming and my support worker was trying to help me. He ran after me when I went to try and kill myself and he asked nurses and doctors to help but they all said 'tell her to pray.' Even when his shift had ended he was there for me. He was the only one who cared. I had this dream after having a review ...

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    Tags:
    support,
    recovery journey,
    dream,
    grateful
  • Amit from India

    Hi, I am amit from India. I am 27. I am suffering from deep mental depression because i am losing my love. Her parents are going to marry her forcefully without her intentions with some one she don't know. I want to die but don't know what to do at this moment. God Please help me.

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    Tags:
  • Don't Follow Me

    This is a poem I wrote for my brother during my first time in hospital. He is my hope for the future. One thing i'll teach you Believe me it's true If you want to be happy don't walk in my shoes I want you to see all the joys in life to feel the beauty, to bathe in the light I want you to smile right from the heart Stay in the sunshine Keep ...

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    Tags:
    family,
    hospital,
    poem
    • 1
    • 0
    • 0
    • 0
  • Hate is Such a Strong Word

    Hate is such a strong word but that's how I feel about myself. It's not that I think i'm a bad person, I feel like i'm fundamentally evil. Even though people ask me for proof of this and I can't provide it, it still doesn't change how I feel. I guess it's maybe due to the way I was treated as a child and the comments have stuck with me so much that I have ...

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    Tags:
    self-hatred
  • Saved Draft

    Bipolar has ruined my life or have I just let it It's time to get on top off it the past I shall forget it My focus now whilst recovering well Is to study and work hard to better masel I want to be there for those just like me And give something back helping others I'll be My life was in turmoil my life was drifting away But I just take the battle day ...

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    Tags:
  • My journey from sanity to insanity and back to relative sanity

    I wanted to leave I wanted to die, I sat and watched the world go by, The end was in sight didn't know how that would be, I just knew I was weak and wanted to be free, Bipolar twists ur world around From being as high as the ceiling To being as low as the ground. The people I would leave I know would be sad, And that in my heart made me selfish ...

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    Tags:
  • Spring Garden

    The weather is getting better so I cant wait to do more of my garden. I am going to be painting tyres to use as planters for a dark and dingy corner of my garden that I absolutely hate. I was to brighten the garden up. Its taken me 4 years to get to this point and I still have quite a long way to go. Its just funds that's stopping me really but when ...

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    Tags:
    Tyres,
    Holiday,
    Funds,
    Paint,
    Plant
  • Prisoner of my mind!

    I have Bipolar Disorder I/Manic, Episode 1. I was first hospitalized when I was a little over 17 and a half, and off and on for over 30 yrs. There was no such diagnosis back then and it was thought that I suffered a drug overdose and would not come out of it. It wasn't until I was about 34 yrs. old that I was diagnosed. I'm 56 yrs. old now and have less severe ...

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    Tags:
  • In quick sand

    I have a load of things bothering me at the minute I haven't seen my kids properly in a few months down to not having anywhere to take them asi have split from my wife of 14 years another. Thing that's bothering me is she has moved on and is now dating I'm not so bothered about her dating as we had grown apart I just thought it was quick but anyway that's life people ...

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    Tags:
    depression
  • Love is!

    The physical is but for a short while only where as the spiritual is eternal so focus on the spiritual elements and positive energies especially love the greatest gift and energy we have,if you have love then you have everything.Love is the key to the Universe and true happiness and peace,embrace love nurture it cherish and treasure it always for love is better than silver and gold more precious than diamonds,love is forever and will ...

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    Tags:
    smile,
    happiness,
    peace,
    love
  • Shine!

    When your mind is cloudy and grey like the weather is sometimes smile and shine like the sun and feel happy again.

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    Tags:
  • closure of an incident.

    30 years has passed since 'the incident' occurred and i am finally at the point where i can say closure is within sight or grasp,whichever of the two is more appropriate to comment on. In those years i have had 3 hospital spells of short excursion into a life where at the time i would rather not have been but i did not have a choice due to my soon to be 'wellbeing' of mental ...

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    Tags:
  • The First Real Day for me as me

    SRN comment: This story references self harm. If there is one day that I would never forget it would be the day before Ash Wednesday: Tuesday March 4, 2014 since it was the day that I was “kicked out of school”. It was a regular Tuesday for me I had just gotten out of school and was on my way to a therapy session. Once we got to my therapy session I realized that my ...

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    Tags:
  • Bob's Work Shocks

    Bob's Work Shocks My intelligence tells me I can do more while my illness says I can not. I recover to a point then it goes again making it hard to lead a balanced life. I feel like I am always struggling to start and never quite making it. Picking up the bogey prize when I do for running the race in the first place, hoping I will finish it. " Is this all I ...

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    Tags:
    reflection,
    recovery,
    vulnerability,
    work,
    lived experience
    • 0
    • 0
    • 1
    • 0
  • Withdrawal: finding the brighter light at the end of the anti-depressant tunnel

    SRN comment: This story references withdrawal from psychiatric medication. Any decision to come off psychiatric medication should be made after seeking advice and information from a trusted source. Surviving withdrawal I have been on antidepressants since I was initially diagnosed with anorexia in 2006. The worst thing that ever happened was my psychiatrist choosing to prescribe me Venlafaxine. I say the worst thing now, but at the time it definitely saved my life. Having moved ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    withdrawal,
    anorexia,
    positive thinking,
    anti-depressants
  • The Rut

    I've been trying to be pro-active in fixing this thing. But unlike a freshly sprung leak, ideas have not been free flowing and the solution cannot be guaranteed through a 24 hour call out fee. Like a spring lamb I am moving in leaps and bounds and taking all in my stride and then mentally falling down stairs backwards, Tripping over the rug that I weave, with the thick skin I have grown. Tired of ...

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    Tags:
    purpose
  • The ups and downs of everyday life..

    The seesaw that is my mind...when im UP there...theres hope,.. theres energy..,its a get up a go no holds barred feeling..its let me help you ill do all i can do feeling,..its a better future,..its a grand day...its marvelling at the beauty of nature.... its gratitude.. its freedom..its a sense of belonging.. its anythings possible..... When i get slamdunked DOWN on the seesaw...its despair..., its anger..., its self loathing...its wanting to selfdestruct in a grand ...

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  • Our Walk

    Today is cooler showers on and off. Took the dog for a walk behind St Georges Centre in Dumfries first time we have been this way really nice walk also you can walk for miles if you want. The first walk was short and enjoyable Oleg was able to run and sniff around without the lead. Will do it again trgaromorrow. Margaret

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  • Death of a celebrity

    It’s so sad to hear that someone whose persona, energy and work was so lovingly admired, has taken their own life. I am so glad for all of the open conversations that are popping up all across the media and social media. I haven’t heard one sick joke about his death, which is refreshing, instead I’ve heard compassion and understanding and an out pouring of not just grief, but of people sharing their own experiences ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    talking,
    Suicide
  • How to help a loved one through their depression

    Talking to depressed people can be really depressing! They can be so negative. They can bat away helpful suggestions or complements or comforting words and be so dismissive when you try to help them. But one the most important things to remember? They don't expect you to solve it all or cure them. They don't always need you to come up with a solution. If the solution was that simple they would likely have figured ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    support,
    friendship
  • The Avalanche

    I write it out, I scrunch it up, I throw it into the corner. It doesn't matter. I write it out, I scrunch it up, I throw it into the corner. It's nothing. I write it out, I scrunch it up, I throw it into the corner. It's not important. I write it out, I scrunch it up, I throw it into the corner. It can wait for another day. I write it out, I ...

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    Tags:
    writing,
    expressing myself,
    overwhelmed
  • Write or Right

    I saw a great quote yesterday, from an 80 year old cellist who was asked why he still practised playing the cello, his reply 'I think I'm making progress.' I've always been aware that learning is a life long thing, that sometimes we have to make the same mistake over and over again before it teaches us what we need to know. I know that if I could learn to take my own advice, if ...

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    Tags:
    writing,
    learning,
    progress
  • Wearing my Shadow

    I am learning to own my darkest shadows, perhaps I shall wear Them like a cape. I can hide in Them and bide in Them, until the sun within me rises, and I can breathe again, without choking on Their thick, velvety, folds. Sometimes They are warm, familiar and comforting like liquorice, Others They are cold and isolating, and the wind whips through me to push all of the clouds away, But The Shadows they ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    acceptance,
    strength
  • Blah blah bureaucracy blah

    *CSA trigger warning* Today is one of those days from the undoubtedly popular, but not yet realised tv show 'My day from Hell'... For breakfast, an early morning job centre appointment, to fulfil my WRAG group requirements, in order to receive the life saving benefits (thank you) unjustly ripped, straight from the hard working hands of 'The Taxpayer' or so the red top newspapers would like you to believe. Personally I would prefer 'our' countries ...

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    Tags:
    smear test,
    DWP,
    rant,
    Medication,
    NHS
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  • Depression: A Purge

    Depression: A purge Three words I have come to dread, more than any that could be said 'How are you?': and queries to that effect, I turn my head and look away and change the subject. See I would rather be in bed and I would rather not have raised my hand to brush my teeth today. I would rather have not have dressed myself and I haven't looked in the mirror for days. I ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    inner child,
    Recovery,
    kindness,
    NHS
  • Past or Present

    Free me from the past as it keeps coming into my head and messes with today. This is learned behaviour but how do you get free of it? I don't want to live or think about the past in a negative way or for it to affect my future or even today. Its hard to re-train your brain when its been used to thinking like this for a long time.

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  • Shadows on my wall

    I saw entities on the wall and they were coming for me. Creeping up behind me, merging with my shadow, Waiting to engulf me and carry me away. I saw them dance across the ceiling and swirl above my head I thought I heard them whisper in my ear but when I turned my head to see them they were gone. Later on they came back louder! I heard them as they rumbled from inside ...

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  • Psychotic Perceptions

    Psychotic Perceptions Reality not being where you think you are Neil Stamper Necessities Psychotic Perceptions has 4000 words approximately. The perception of me on the front cover was captured by a fellow patient, Becky. This book is dedicated to my family, whose suffering has been greater than mine. Any and all comments are welcomed: neil@wordpower.org.uk First published 2 October 2009 as an ebook available from: http://www.wordpower.org.uk © Neil Stamper 2009 Experience I was diagnosed bipolar ...

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    Tags:
    psychosis,
    autobiography,
    history,
    bipolar,
    perceptions
  • The Sponge

    For a long time I was empty inside, impoverished of thought, passion, meaning, certainty. My head was vacant like a derelict building, haunted with unfulfilled ambition and a purpose, long since lost. Sometimes I would get a thought or idea and it would roll back and forth in the walls of my mind like a lonely child’s ball and I would start to obsess over it, replaying it over and over like a cave with ...

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    Tags:
    disillusionment,
    Searching,
    inspiration,
    disappointment,
    cure
  • Alone Time

    I hate being left alone. Sometimes it feels as though I will never be found again, that whoever is missing will not return to me. It is quite an irrational fear given that I am nearing 30 and have a phone, a mobile, a laptop, a loud voice and a pair of legs should I need to reach anyone and ask them to come and save me. But then when I am happy I love ...

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    Tags:
    lonely,
    fear
  • Me, Myself and Mania?

    I am creative, I am flowing, the world looks wonderful and bright and people are fascinating and I can connect with everything around me. I see signs and meaning in everything. I am alive! Is depression finally over? Am I overly excited because I’m finally having a good day? Am I manic? Am I guilt tripping for having a bad day? Am I over thinking things? Is this anxiety taking over me now? Take a ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression,
    creativity,
    mania
  • Are you ok?

    Are you ok? Three words that have an obvious answer after this past week. No I'm not ok!! I spent 4 hours at a police station giving a video statement about my abuse as a child. I had to tell me family and friends what had happened to me so that my support circle was clued up (granted not in as much detail but still god damn difficult) Im mentally, physically and emotionally drained and ...

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    Tags:
    tired,
    drained
  • Is this ok?

    You know when there's certain things in your life that happen and you're not sure how you should be feeling?? Take my last post for example, with everything going on (although not alot happening atm as people still need telling before I start the process) I should be feeling scared, nervous, upset..........................well its how I think I should be feeling HOWEVER this morning I woke up in a fab mood and I'm all smiley and ...

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    Tags:
    happy,
    complex,
    feelings,
    strange,
    confusion
  • It's Time

    OK so the past 24 hours have been a bit of a whirlwind but a huge step in the right direction for me. After 10+ years of suffering in silence I am now ready to report the childhood abuse that happened to me.......................... and you know whats really strange I actually feel nothing. I haven't cried, regressed, screamed, shouted, etc....... instead I have been cool, calm and collected. I don't know whether this is because ...

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    Tags:
    support,
    feelings,
    families,
    childhood,
    strong
  • The Phoenix

    THE PHOENIX Just because the leaves are falling it doesn't mean the tree is dying It only means it's time to cast The tired things to the Earth The sun may have got weaker but there will be another summer We have to die a little to get ready for rebirth The moon wanes before it waxes Stars don't fall from Heaven The sea receeds so far and then it turns back to the shore ...

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  • Anger is bad when parenting

    Just because we are old enough to be parents does not mean we should or could be GOOD ones. I do believe we children react to and follow the example of our parents. If you come from badly treated parents you stand a chance of being led by a bad example-parent. It is as easy as this to get it wrong. 'You are bad' said often enough leads the hearer to believe 'I am bad,' ...

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  • Thirst

    DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! DON'T DRINK THIS WEEKEND! On and on and on and on, Pimms on the peripheral, Gin in the genes, Vodka in the vortex of my inner cortex, like a shadow, never too far from my ...

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    Tags:
    Alcoholism
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  • My room

    Perhaps I should spend more time outside my room to improve my social life. Sometimes I don't only feel lonely but also I see that other people near to me are able to develop and deepen their relationships.

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    Tags:
    room,
    lonely
  • What matters to me and keeps a smile on my face :)

    Seeing my nana and papa laugh, my mums kind nature and touch, my favorite person in worlds kind, loving and beautiful nature and love, love, parma ham and mozzarella, The sun, Laughing so hard I cry, Metafit, Surprises, Messages which brighten up my day, A good bargain, People, A really good thriller, Popcorn, waking up next to my boy on holiday, A day out with mum, Feeling fit at the gym, Feeling trendy, Looking at ...

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    Tags:
    self-management
  • Diction

    Alcoholism! Disease? Disorder? Dependency? Diction can disguise, disgust, drive to despair. Diction can debilitate, detriment and doom. I am a sentient being. Not a word on a page. This disease may DISTINGUISH me from you. But it will not DEFINE me.

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    Tags:
    Alcoholism
  • Well...?!?

    Well.....how did I get here? What brought me here and how will I get back to where and whence I came from? Well I'm sure the answers will present themselves or maybe they already have and I have simply neglected to realise or acknowledge?! Well.....what really matters the most is that I am here and can go back to where and whence I have came from and that I am well.......Yes I am WELL!

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    Tags:
    Answers/Solutions
  • I have no idea why that is?

    Ted Hughes, the poet and writer said, "we have much better thoughts than we can put into words." I think this is true, often when i try and articulate my thoughts into words and tell people what i am thinking it is miles from my true thoughts and not nearly as interesting! Although i think in words (i think i do) they never seen to do justice to my true ideas when i speak them. ...

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    Tags:
    writing