• Ugly thoughts

    Please note: this story references suicide. I was wearing a scarf earlier and I had to take it off because I started to hear the thoughts again, 'Kill yourself'... It creeps in amongst the normal thoughts like 'I'd better go and do the dishes..Or you could kill yourself'. I'd started to think I could maybe just hang myself with that scarf, I wondered how much it would hurt and what surface would hold my weight ...

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    Tags:
    suicide,
    borderline personality disorder
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  • Don't do it. (Trigger warning)

    Please note: this story references suicide. Death is never dignified, but the ending of a good story should be magnificent. Not swinging from a rope with shit, piss and jizz running down your legs, or vomiting luminous yellow bile and a chalky cocktail of pharmaceuticals surrounding you. No poetry, no love letters, no essays that you write, can explain away the pain that you inflict on others when you take away your life, it is ...

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    Tags:
    loss,
    grief,
    suicide
  • Let Me Speak

    The fear of having no voice. I scream & shout but still there’s no sound. . . I lost my voice well I thought I did. So I stop writing & I stop believing. All my misbeliefs and heartache and overthinking started consuming my mind body & soul. Not good! To put in words how, I wouldn’t even know what to start with. If I start rambling on, just let me ! I seem all ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    suicide,
    suicidal thoughts,
    life,
    Thinking
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  • My Mental Wealth

    My Mental Wealth Story While working in a stressful job as senior manager in NHS, I became depressed and suicidal, lonely and despairing. Something had to change...and it did. I had a break-down or, as I later called it,- a break-through. I went through a process, lifestyle changes, prescriptions and various therapeutic activities that helped me to get my mental wealth back. My mental wealth includes: friendships and time with friends; meditation, both mindfulness and ...

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    Tags:
    metta,
    depression,
    mindfulness,
    despair,
    stress
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  • Let it Go

    So I got my medical notes. After 11 years I now have as clear a picture in my head of what happened to me when I was most unwell as I guess I ever will have. It made interesting reading actually. Sadly it also re-affirmed what I have always believed happened - I was just given drugs and no one appeared to have listened to what I was trying to say about the root cause ...

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    Tags:
    medication,
    PMDD,
    suicide,
    Hormones
  • Plug The Gaps

    The Great Big Secret.... So writing my story has helped me to see that I am not fully aware of what actually happened when I was most unwell. I'm sure a combination of factors contribute to this. I'm sure the mind keeps things from us to keep us safe - save us from re-living trauma. I'm also sure that I was pretty doped up on diazepam and other drugs during my inpatient stay. And lastly ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    suicide
  • The End

    The End This may be triggering for some as it talks in depth about suicide. Well what was supposed to be the end happened 11 years ago now, when I was age 23. Just about to celebrate my first wedding anniversary to my childhood sweetheart. I spent that first wedding anniversary in the psychiatric ward doped up to my eyeballs on diazepam - it appears that was the best they could do for me at ...

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    Tags:
    suicide,
    PMDD,
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Paranioa
  • Journey of a Lifetime

    People say everything has a beginning, a middle and an end - usually in that order. I feel like my life had an end, a middle then a beginning - let me explain. My end was my beginning. It turns out ironically that the worst time in my life has led me to my new beginning. There was of course the 'middle' - the part in-between where I had to work pretty hard and make ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    PMDD,
    suicide,
    Recovery
  • Adventure of a Lifetime

    I always said I would like to write a book about my journey - maybe this is the time. I can do it in little bite sized chunks which suit me. And what a journey it has been - and still is. 10 years ago in June I tried to take my own life. It made perfect sense at that time as in my head the world and my family would be better off without ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    suicide,
    PMDD,
    anxiety,
    survival
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