• Captain Hope

    The storm raged as the crew held desperately to the sides of the ship,Debris whipping through the dark, tumultuous, spitting skyFar bigger than the crew, their looming ship seeming little more than another danger to their fragile souls as its slippery and splintery body pierced their skin and betrayed their clasping arms.The captain alone stood by the steering wheel, barking orders to their crew to maintain the ripped and ragged sail."Not long now, sailors! See ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    recovery,
    prose,
    short story
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  • My Oscillator

    Can my resilience get stronger through repeated episodes of distress and fortify me once the storms have subsided? Can adversity help me and make me strong? Do I expand as a man and am I changed a little after it happens?It is certainly an enduring experience I can not avoid. So I must hope I will embrace distress when it comes rather than run away from it. There is maturity in the affliction and the ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    journey
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  • I Can't Sign Out

    I live for when I feel the sun on my skin on days like thisfreckles darkening, strawberry flesh. Ice water cooling a warm mouth, bare feet in the grasssee the bees bumble. Smell warm coffee and bread in the morning and hearKind words of strangers, tasteHandfuls of chocolate scoffed, a sneaky pleasure. collecting leaves - secret treasure. Soft blankets on my skin, cool air drifting as I awake in the morning. I've too much to stay for; I can't sign out.  

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    Tags:
    depression,
    suicidal thoughts,
    recovery,
    overdosing,
    finding happiness
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  • The Great Fire

    This voice comes scurrying in like a fat plague rat when I least expect it. I'm armed with a barbed baseball bat and ready to strike. My mental health will not succumb to buboes; inflamed, painful thoughts pushing against my skull. Your infestation will not reach my positivity, locked deep within the crevasses of my brain. A great fire has arisen and scorches the areas of disease. Burn, burn it all away. Destroy the negativity running like sewage ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    happiness,
    recovery,
    positive thinking,
    positivity
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  • Strive, thrive and recovery

    My time was consumed with surviving and, on occasion, still is.To survive I must take the magic bullet, one that courses through my body annihilating everything awake, only those who slumber survive. There comes a time of awakening in my body and then both mind and body must strive to survive. My every unshot cell wants to live, at this discovery point, I thrive! I am altered but I continue to thrive into my new ...

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    Tags:
    alive,
    survive,
    thrive,
    happy,
    recovery
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  • Every Single Failure

    I collected secrets daily.I promised mysef that each was the last. A promise that lasted a day, then needed replaced.I filled up with these discarded promises, 'til I was brimming. Sickened,locked in a chamber with all my daily failures, and they summed me up.I could not see myself as anything otherthan the sum of all these parts. I kept them there, inside a feeble belief I could digest them all myself,that eventually this mass of broken promises, failures, ...

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    Tags:
    sense of self,
    self-knowledge,
    recovery,
    courage,
    truth
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  • Coming into the light

    Please note: this piece contains references to sexual violence.

    Coming into the lightIt’s 4 am and the darkness is comforting. There is a constant hum in the background coming from who knows what. I am at home and remembering a time when there only seemed to be silence and darkness. The only noises were the thoughts in my head, berating me for existing. I was having what I believed to be memories of my infancy. Of course, according to the illness, I was an ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    Survival,
    violence,
    poverty
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  • Territorial

    A force inside my mind,inside my chest,a force that feels something like pain,but not quite,something like fear,urges me to go.  How much will I surrender to this feeling,this foreign part that comes from me,but is not me.Is not welcome. This feeling speaks a urgent language,it speaks to me in ultimatumsabout what I can and cannot endure. It says 'enough' several times a day,but I don't leave when it says leave.I don't give in when it tells me to.And ...

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    Tags:
    identity,
    recovery,
    despair,
    survival,
    endure
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  • My promise to myself

    I will stop letting myself, or anyone else hold me back from being who I want to be, or doing what I want to do.I set the limits, I position the glass ceiling, nobody else. I will stop living in fear of judgement, failure, emotional or psychological breakdown. What’s done is done and I no longer need to carry that story with me any longer.I cannot forget it, and that’s absolutely fine. But I no longer need ...

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    Tags:
    taking control,
    resilience,
    recovery
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  • An Old Skin

    A reflex to look backwards,just to be sure it's not still trailing,it's not catching up on me.Me: it's betrayer.An old skin,worn and peeling.I run my hands over myselfI reassure myself at least three times a daythat it hasn't made it's wayback there, behind my eyes,an old, dead self.Young and dying. Brittle skin,hard enough to crack, I watch out for the slow hardening,the scales appearing.Soften to myself,flesh too soft to break,but stretch and train its shape. 

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    Tags:
    sense of self,
    recovery,
    future
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  • Emily's story

    My story is one of the many small hits that led to the darkest moment I have faced, and how I have come out of it.To start, I am, or at the time I thought I was a very happy outgoing person, without too much detail things began to slide, the job I loved was taken away from me when I was moved to a new one by my company, it was stressful but I ...

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    Tags:
    smile,
    recovery,
    Depression
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  • My Story: Overcoming of a Storm

    “Getting lost in the darkness while it’s staring back at you is something that stays with you. I am scared to enter the night with loneliness by my side. It takes my hand and leads me into an unfortunate familiar place. Many of my questions are left unknown. I find myself wandering blindly into the future. It’s hard to admit it, but I’m scared. Not knowing when and how severe the next attack is, is ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    anxiety,
    self love,
    hope,
    future
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  • Recovery

    RECOVERY Recovery ain't easyRecovery needs honestyHonesty about the uglinessHonesty about those you pushed away Meanwhile…Family and true friends are waiting…Purpose is waiting…Dreams are waiting … Be honest with your selfLove yourself againNo more putting a fist through the mirror Recovery is learning to trustTrust those who are helpingEven when it hurtsYes there is painBut then - you’re no stranger to pain I promise youYou will awake from the nightmareYou will dare to dreamYou will want to live to the maxYou ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    poem,
    pain,
    honesty
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  • The Beach

                                            The Beach " Next stop Phi Phi Islan " the Thai tour guide shouts in broken English.  The rickety boat speeds through the water with black diesel fumes spouting from the motor like an old jakey puffing out the smoke from his black lungs.The boat slows to a stop before we see the beach. I ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    Hope,
    addictions,
    Schizophrenia
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  • Recovery

    You spend so long trying trying everyone’s patience – especially your own. Exhausted, you bite your tongue and grit your teeth get through the days fight against the nights. All that effort spent gripping tightly to life. But living means more than being here. And as the effort eases you succeed. You are here. What next?

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression,
    recovery,
    PTSD
  • Sleeves

    Please note: this piece references self-harm. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve – never have. Instead, I keep it closely guarded, hidden discreetly. For years, my sleeves were a hiding place, not for my heart – but for secret hurts on skin, written deeply . But now, wearing what I like I hide my hurts next to my heart. And though I think about them I’m trying my best not to feel.

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression,
    recovery,
    self harm
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  • The trick...

    "The trick, William Potter, Is not minding that it hurts!" When I heard that quote through the haze of bipolar depression, I wondered if I had stumbled across a vital clue in my recovery. I realised my understanding of recovery and what it meant to my own mental health was flawed. I watched all the uplifting documentaries, I read all the hopeful stories and was so certain that if I kept striving for the same ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    journey
  • Fighting

    Fighting Forever I am trying Instead of giving in Going the distance Hoping I will win Taking it easy Is only a dream Nothing to lose Giving in I won't mean 14/11/16 D'and

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    journey,
    fighting
  • Turning a Tide of Tears

    Turning a Tide of Tears - a personal perspective on living with Bi-Polar Bi-Polar does not define me but it does impact heavily on me as an individual, in my family and in my dealings with everyday life. It’s part of the great family of taboos that come under the heading of ‘Mental Health’ problems. We are not comfortable talking about these issues and often try to keep them hidden as some sort of guilty ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    compassion,
    recovery,
    bipolar
  • What writing means to me.

    Writing gives me the freedom to express how I feel when I am at my most confused and vulnerable. The support and encouragement that I get from my 'Writing to Recovery' group gives me the opportunity to really explore the conflicting, overwhelming emotions that come from being on this journey. Through attending these meetings, I have re-discovered my passion for writing, and it has now became an invaluable coping mechanism for me. From subjects such ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    thoughts,
    inspiration,
    confidence,
    sharing
  • Writing myself out of a hole.

    Please note: this piece references suicide. Writing Myself Out Of A Hole. How long I have suffered depression I do not recall. It is now many, many years. I was first prescribed anti depressants in March 1993. It took until September 2014 to get a formal diagnosis. A long time in anyone's book. Of course the black dog wasn't my constant companion, There were months and years when he didn't visit. However, he was never ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    Depression,
    Writing
  • Surprise!

    When I first "got help", it was more to prove to myself that I was beyond help, but to do that I had to make a serious effort, no cheating or half-measures. I would show me, so I would. Turns out I'm not beyond help. I won't pretend my mental health is perfect but I truly feel like the worst is behind me, and getting further away every day. Never saw that coming tbh. Now ...

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    Tags:
    recovery
  • Fresh Perspectives

    I’ve experienced psychosis twice – in pretty quick succession in 2012 then again in 2015 – but I would not say the episodes are two separate incidents but rather one continuous flow, and I mean they are daily experiences to some degree, that has been an on ongoing psychological maze since about the age of fifteen (where I first started taking drugs, or at least beginning to see my mind in action). I no longer ...

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    Tags:
    insight,
    recovery,
    psychosis
  • Returns Policy

    Dear Sir/Madam, RE: Society broken on delivery I am writing with regards to the recently promoted item of society that I purchased into. Having initially opted for the 'bargain basement' option, no frills, no gift wrap and no guaranteed day/time slot for delivery. Society arrived to me a bit broken around the edges. I had signed for the delivery of society on this occasion, but in all honesty I was a bit distracted as I ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    recovery
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  • rainy day

    Rain slowly caresses my face, Eyes nip gently in watery haze, This garden seems the right landscape, A green grassy blanket to hide and escape, My wet clothes in a cold embrace, Can't stop my weeping in my own rainy day daze, I chose to shout my thoughts to the rain, My first verbal expression of inner pain, Lost in feelings of lost, wave upon wave of uneasy, This first step on my recovery path, ...

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    Tags:
    recovery
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  • Dear Self Harm

    Dear Self Harm, I know we've had this conversation before, But this time I'm throwing you out the door, I tried in the past but didn't want to be rude, For after all you had done me such good. I appreciate that you've been my friend, But now I'm afraid it has to end, I cannot keep you here by my side, There were times you almost let me die! There were times when you ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    self harm,
    success
  • 1 year on - my self harm recovery story (so far!)

    Warning: This piece contains references to self harm 18/11/2015 Today is an important date for me. It marks an important anniversary and an achievement which I am immensely proud of myself for managing to accomplish. It’s not the date I graduated from uni, or found a job, home, pet or significant other. Nor is it the kind of anniversary people usually make a fuss about or celebrate in the public eye. But it is a ...

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    Tags:
    long post,
    recovery,
    self love,
    self harm,
    personal
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  • There is Freedom-Reach Out-Ask for Help

    I remember how hard the struggle was to admit I had a problem. My pride and delusional thinking always wanted to overpower the reality. My alcohol use was numbing my pain. Flowing through my bloodstream like a vicious cycle of raging vengeance that gave me a fearless feeling of confidence and strength. When the alcohol wasn’t present, the reality set in. I was sad, depressed, and fucking hopeless. I felt like a worthless piece of ...

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    Tags:
    hopeless,
    Hopeless,
    addiction,
    Alcoholism,
    stress
  • My battle.... A ray of hope

    As a child I never sat down and had a proper meal. My family was always on the move. Slowly it started to become a habit and it became natural to me. I never really thought that I had anorexia. I always thought that I was " normal weight". During primary school I was referred to a children's dietitian. The dietitian told me that " your only a little bit under weight". I had to ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    Eating disorder
  • Recovery

    Recently, someone asked me what I thought was a simple question at first....What is recovery? I thought for a bit and came to the conclusion that for me, recovery is not what I initially thought it was when first diagnosed with bipolar 10years ago. If you think about the word "recover" it makes you think of getting something back and that is how I felt about my mental health recovery. I felt I had to ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    bipolar
  • Ros d

    I have had experience of bipolar for nearly thirty years. My sister, Sheila, thinks that it started in my late teens. What seemed to trigger it were deaths in the family. I worked for 31 years and have been employed for the last six years. I initially worked in the offices but then worked as a cleaner and a catering assistant in a primary school. I worked there for 3 years I am good at ...

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    Tags:
    stigma,
    recovery,
    bi-polar
  • Recovery in a Marble

    I wrote this at a writing group after being asked to pick an object and write about it. I chose a marble with a green wave/eye in the middle. What I have written is about recovery, I think. The green wave can be seen through the glass but it cannot be touched. There are no mirrors within the glass so the wave cannot see its beauty. There are bubbles, the waves oxygen. It has all ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    recovery
  • What Someone With A Mental Health Condition Looks Like

    What Someone With a Mental Health Condition Looks Like Well yeah, I have mental health conditions but I don't look any different from anyone else. Some people think that you need to look ill or sad to prove you have a mental health condition but in reality, it is something that doesn't always show! I have suffered with mental health conditions most of my life, but for the past year, things have gotten worse. I ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    depression,
    recovery
  • Creating Recovery

    Every piece of music, every poem, every artwork is waiting to be discovered. The piano keys are primed to play in a particular order; the pen is eager to speak to the paper; the blank canvas cries out for some form in its world. The permutations (an unfathomable number) of notes, words and brushstrokes look down from the ether, eager for a host. When they find one, they fill that host with ineffable desire, unbridled ...

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    Tags:
    creativity,
    recovery
  • Hall of Mirrors

    I stood there bare, shivering at the sight. The reflection confirmed the image in my mind. Flesh covered the surface of the glass; an expanse of flesh, acres of the stuff! Imperfection after imperfection, I found them from head to toe and they scowled back through the smeared, smoky mirror, piercing my rickety frame with machine gun fire. Bone by bone I buckled and fell to the floor with a rattle. I was beaten. Beaten ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    recovery,
    strength
  • Signs of my recovery

    One of the first signs that I was getting better was that I could read again. For a long time I couldn't concentrate when I read, so reading novels, no matter how familiar, was no longer pleasurable. Trying to read anything academic or 'formal' made me feel like a toddler trying to read a code combined of Hebrew, Arabic and Japanese! So when I started to be able to concentrate again reading became a really ...

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    Tags:
    creativity,
    recovery,
    concentration,
    gratitude,
    reading
  • Plug The Gaps

    The Great Big Secret.... So writing my story has helped me to see that I am not fully aware of what actually happened when I was most unwell. I'm sure a combination of factors contribute to this. I'm sure the mind keeps things from us to keep us safe - save us from re-living trauma. I'm also sure that I was pretty doped up on diazepam and other drugs during my inpatient stay. And lastly ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    suicide
  • Bob's Work Shocks

    Bob's Work Shocks My intelligence tells me I can do more while my illness says I can not. I recover to a point then it goes again making it hard to lead a balanced life. I feel like I am always struggling to start and never quite making it. Picking up the bogey prize when I do for running the race in the first place, hoping I will finish it. " Is this all I ...

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    Tags:
    reflection,
    recovery,
    vulnerability,
    work,
    lived experience
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  • Withdrawal: finding the brighter light at the end of the anti-depressant tunnel

    SRN comment: This story references withdrawal from psychiatric medication. Any decision to come off psychiatric medication should be made after seeking advice and information from a trusted source. Surviving withdrawal I have been on antidepressants since I was initially diagnosed with anorexia in 2006. The worst thing that ever happened was my psychiatrist choosing to prescribe me Venlafaxine. I say the worst thing now, but at the time it definitely saved my life. Having moved ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    withdrawal,
    anorexia,
    positive thinking,
    anti-depressants
  • The 3 C's of Eating Disorder Recovery

    The 3C's of Eating Disorder Recovery No-one ever chooses to have an eating disorder; however, there are choices still available to you. For me, recovery is about empowering yourself, rather than empowering your eating disorder. The first stage of this empowerment involves separating your voice from the voice of Ed. Many of you will experience this via the internal argument that goes on between your voice and the voice of Ed. The internal dialogue between ...

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    Tags:
    mental health,
    recovery,
    eating disorder,
    change
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  • Be Your Own Best Friend

    Be your own best friend- Look at you. You are still here. Still here, alive, with us and living. You've overcome so much, and yet the battle goes on. All you've achieved- amazing and more successful than most. Some dark days, some just days. Days you feel numb, or sad or nothing. But you do still have days. Those days are yours, you earned them. Darkness is never far from your mind. But it's your ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    surviving,
    recovery,
    healing,
    Poem
  • Simple reality - childlike views :)

    It's the simple things in life which make me happy. A lifetime of suffering means that each moment and spark of excitement brings a childlike happiness. Some call the way I see the world as childish. Some label me odd and some ridicule and laugh at me. But on the good days, I wish others could see the world like I do. I wish others could enjoy the inspiration of a leaf on the ground, ...

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    Tags:
    psychosis,
    mania,
    recovery,
    schizophrenia,
    fear
  • Opening Up and Ending Stigma

    *DISCLAIMER- I have no medical training and am not a professional or affiliated with any medical professionals, organisations or practises. All the advice I have offered below is anecdotal and comes from personal experience and is not advocated by any mental health professional or personnel. This is advice from one layman to another* I want to talk about a dirty word beginning with 'V'. The one that people use against you because having it makes ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    recovery,
    shame,
    stigma,
    vulnerability
  • Finding Your Way Through The Healing Process

    "Everything happens for a reason" "God gives us only what we can handle" "The law of attraction means that bad things happen because we, or our families/communities, are focussing our energy, attention and focus on it" "Before you came into this life you made a deal with the universe to experience everything in order to learn before the next life." These are some of the most infuriating things that I've heard when it comes explaining ...

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    Tags:
    options,
    recovery,
    wellness,
    health,
    personal responsibility