• Let it Go

    So I got my medical notes. After 11 years I now have as clear a picture in my head of what happened to me when I was most unwell as I guess I ever will have. It made interesting reading actually. Sadly it also re-affirmed what I have always believed happened - I was just given drugs and no one appeared to have listened to what I was trying to say about the root cause ...

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    Tags:
    medication,
    PMDD,
    suicide,
    Hormones
  • Diagnosis - Good/Bad or both???

    As I await permission from the NHS to view my OWN medical records......I have been thinking. I have been wondering if I will like what I see?? It got me thinking about a diagnosis, most specifically the diagnosis I had. It made me think about how my attitude to my diagnosis has changed over time. My diagnosis was PMDD, a recognised mental disorder (don't you love being told your disordered!! - why can't things just ...

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    Tags:
    PMDD
  • It's Time To Let It Go

    I have requested to view my medical notes from 2014 when I was an in-patient in mental health wards. This is quite a scary but empowering step for me. I am hoping that it will help me to get some closure as this time has always been a bit blank in my mind. In some ways that has suited me - who really wants to re-visit one of the worst times in their life?? But ...

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    Tags:
    PMDD
  • The End

    The End This may be triggering for some as it talks in depth about suicide. Well what was supposed to be the end happened 11 years ago now, when I was age 23. Just about to celebrate my first wedding anniversary to my childhood sweetheart. I spent that first wedding anniversary in the psychiatric ward doped up to my eyeballs on diazepam - it appears that was the best they could do for me at ...

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    Tags:
    suicide,
    PMDD,
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Paranioa
  • Journey of a Lifetime

    People say everything has a beginning, a middle and an end - usually in that order. I feel like my life had an end, a middle then a beginning - let me explain. My end was my beginning. It turns out ironically that the worst time in my life has led me to my new beginning. There was of course the 'middle' - the part in-between where I had to work pretty hard and make ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    PMDD,
    suicide,
    Recovery
  • Adventure of a Lifetime

    I always said I would like to write a book about my journey - maybe this is the time. I can do it in little bite sized chunks which suit me. And what a journey it has been - and still is. 10 years ago in June I tried to take my own life. It made perfect sense at that time as in my head the world and my family would be better off without ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    suicide,
    PMDD,
    anxiety,
    survival
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