I want to be me
I want to be confident, I used to be that girl. Back in high school and college I was so cocky and small-minded that nothing bothered me. I was confident in myself and roughly confident in how I looked (lets be realistic no one is confident with how they look ever day). Then after two years of college I was kicked out for being too cocky. Within two weeks I had four jobs to support ...read more
Be on my way
I have come to realise that I struggle to let people in, let them see the real me, know the real me. Once I open that door I freak. I'm scared and frightened that once it's open, that person has the opportunity to come in or to shut the door. Most of the time I wish people would just shut the door: there's an awful breeze. I love company of others, yet want to be ...read more
I Am Imaginary
Everything is blank and empty. Neutral. This 'thing' is not me. Things are quiet and emotionless. No reactions. Nothing to react to. Dull. I can't stand this space filled with a lack of emotion I know there have been a lot of distressing moments recently but their emotional impact has faded from my memory. I am numb. I am happiest in my lowest moments. I am connected. I am me. I want to talk to ...read more
A Chronicle At Daybreak - patience in getting up.
A chronicle at daybreak - Patience in getting up. Understanding his morning blues when he wakes up and how he gets up was key to Bob's salvation. "Its a delicate, vital process" He admits to himself not to be taken lightly. The sorrow he feels when he awakes is like a mournful cockerel crowing, where long , black, thin shadows prevail and there is a surreal sunrise to overcome with reality to embrace later. He ...read more
Is this ok?
You know when there's certain things in your life that happen and you're not sure how you should be feeling?? Take my last post for example, with everything going on (although not alot happening atm as people still need telling before I start the process) I should be feeling scared, nervous, upset..........................well its how I think I should be feeling HOWEVER this morning I woke up in a fab mood and I'm all smiley and ...read more
OK so the past 24 hours have been a bit of a whirlwind but a huge step in the right direction for me. After 10+ years of suffering in silence I am now ready to report the childhood abuse that happened to me.......................... and you know whats really strange I actually feel nothing. I haven't cried, regressed, screamed, shouted, etc....... instead I have been cool, calm and collected. I don't know whether this is because ...read more