• The Safe Room

    I could learn to live in a room like this. Low ceilings, narrow window. I could learn to stoop and make myself small. No room in this chamber for other bodies,done by design so I can go unseen,so I'd never have to worry about being described behind my back,being slashed across the achiles heel. Better this shruken life than having my soul raidedif I dared to open its lid. What you don't know can't hurt you.In this small room, ...

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    Tags:
    dealing with past experiences,
    vulnerability,
    fear,
    betrayal,
    Trust
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  • Price I Pay

    Sleep comes as no reliefIt gives grudgingly through gritted teethMaking sure there is a price to payIf i want to get through night to day It ensures it gives me nightmares and fearsMaking sure i wake in floods of tearsRemembering vividly what i've dreamtAnd leaving me to figure out what it meant The price of sleep is much too highHypervigilence, nightmares, exhaustion......no matter how much i tryTeasing me through the dayBut nightime is when it goes all ...

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    Tags:
    fear
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  • The Collector

    He is my favourite hiding place,I stash my fears there,in the lining of his heart. He keeps them in pockets, turns them over in his hands,running a thumb in circles,over their surface,'til they're smooth, transformed,and returned to me:smaller, simpler, and rounded. He does this seamlessly,calmly.  They come back not quite so heavy. He will be a wise old man,  

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    Tags:
    hope,
    anxiety,
    support,
    fear,
    love
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  • Devils Chase

    Please Note: This piece has dark themes

    Every day i run the Devils ChaseI stare into his dark and evil faceHe stares back with his empty eyesTelling me 'it's your time to die' I run and run but can never escapeI'm always within his sight, his reach.....and gapeHe pulls me back by the shirt tailInto every disaster and trauma without fail Making me feel my time has comeKnowing that the devil i cannot outrunThis is it now he has me in his graspI feel ...

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    Tags:
    fear,
    survival,
    panic;
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  • Patterns : REQUIEM

    Therapy Sesh 2 : REQUIEM. 10am on a soakin' Glasgow morning. My hands are red raw from the wind and rain being pelted at me as I walked to the building where I vent to my lovely counsellor. We sit down, she puts my jacket over the radiator and begins. How do I want to start this week? Is there anything in particular that's been bothering me? IS A CAT A HAIRY BEAST?! Yes. ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    therapist,
    Counselling,
    therapy,
    fear
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  • My Fear Of Temptation And Vice

    Reflecting- to experience so many recurring personal ills in the midst of temptation is a painful spiritual reality.Furthermore experiencing temptation and trying not to act upon it requires my strength and compliance. I am certain I would be tried and tested whether I resist or rebel against these visitations. I am a spiritual person with a soul so I resist.Moreover, in the wrong environment it would be all to easy to fall into vice.My mental ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    spiritual emergence,
    fear
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  • Double Heartedness

       I am becoming 'a have' and I am becoming 'a have not' as I go in and out of recovery like a bleatinglamb. Slipping and sliding backwards and forwards from health to illness varying my condition as acitizen.   I can feel the economy moving around me with my well being adjacent on a separate parallel line. As I,like everyone, am subject to the ups and downs of the times. Two heart ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    fear,
    recovery journey
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  • The Beast

     The Beast Its 3 30 am and I'm lying here in a different reality to the one that I inhabit normally.   For the most part, I'm enveloped by a beast... a beast that has large black slippery arms and legs.    I am sitting inside the beast whose abdomen is a black place.   Its a place where in order to protect myself, I become infant, foetal, primal, instinctual, isolated, irrational and childlike.     It is this emotional ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    window,
    terror,
    anxiety,
    withdrawal
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  • Panic Attacks

    They started with a bang. Literally. My heart pounded, I felt like I was going to faint, and I sat, shaking, sure that I was having a heart attack. I was 16 experiencing my first panic attack. I don't know what triggered it, I was in college in a lesson minding my own business then BAM I wouldn't breathe.In that first month I think I must have had around two panic attacks a day. ...

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    Tags:
    scared;,
    triggers;,
    panic;,
    fear,
    attack;
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  • expandible suicide!

    Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide Yesterday i went up into the park with a rope from my boyfriends tool box with the intension of doing myself in. Only i could not reach the tree i very probly would have been found hanging there this morning. Or maybe not ...as it turns out that the 'rope' turned out to be elastic!! Fat lot of good i would have done! Earlier that day i ...

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    Tags:
    fear,
    depression.,
    suicide.
  • As darkness arises

    As darkness arises Silence all the laughter everyone has gone, Leave me here let life roll on. Shut out the light I don't wish you to see, This empty existence Now en-capuriting me. Close all the doors let no one in, The person you knew, Is no longer me. Lock all the windows make this my cell, The dark is my prison this is my hell. Block all those sounds let life roll along, I ...

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    Tags:
    fear,
    isolation
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  • Simple reality - childlike views :)

    It's the simple things in life which make me happy. A lifetime of suffering means that each moment and spark of excitement brings a childlike happiness. Some call the way I see the world as childish. Some label me odd and some ridicule and laugh at me. But on the good days, I wish others could see the world like I do. I wish others could enjoy the inspiration of a leaf on the ground, ...

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    Tags:
    psychosis,
    mania,
    recovery,
    schizophrenia,
    fear
  • Alone Time

    I hate being left alone. Sometimes it feels as though I will never be found again, that whoever is missing will not return to me. It is quite an irrational fear given that I am nearing 30 and have a phone, a mobile, a laptop, a loud voice and a pair of legs should I need to reach anyone and ask them to come and save me. But then when I am happy I love ...

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    Tags:
    lonely,
    fear