• Pinpricks

    Needless needles all over my skin.They're hot and cold and I can't settle.Black, filling the gaps. Wish it swallowed them.Beetles. Biting, scratching at my thoughts.I calm and they swarm. Sludge, filling the gaps. Wish it drowned them.I can't stop. I can't start. can't breathe. I can't choose.No dreams. No future. Just a ghost.Anxious. Depressed. Frustrated. Sick. Sad. Weak. I wish I could see in the dark. 

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Pain,
    future
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  • Ophelia

    Ophelia feels like falling apartClimbs up on the ledgeof her broken heartHer weary mind is ill at easeThe wind whips her dressAround bony kneesHer toes grip the concrete, ornate balustradeThe cleanest of exits,Nobody to wadeInto waters of crystal,Dark, deep and cool.To shuffle toe-tipsThrough the silt of the pool.Face pointing skywards, defiant, so proudArms outstretched, my dear, final ...

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    Tags:
    Depression
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  • I’m Not Depressed, I’m a Police Officer

    I'm a Police Officer and I have depression… yes, I’m going to talk openly about being a Police Officer with depression. I’ll give you a moment to digest that.I’ve had depression for fifteen years.  Not that I thought it was depression.  I thought life was hard, different life situations bring different challenges and once I was an ‘adult’ everything would fall into place and I would feel better.  The only problem… I never felt better.  ...

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    Tags:
    Depression,
    Blue Light,
    Emergency Services,
    Police,
    Police Officer
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  • Acceptance?

    I've begun to realize that I've been suffering from recurrent depression for the best part of my life starting from around age 14 or possibly younger. The difference recently has been the matter of actually accepting this about me, rather than just blindly taking antidepressants and wishing it away without accepting any responsibility for my well being.Historically I think I was of the opinion that acceptance of mental illness was somehow giving in to it, ...

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    Tags:
    Depression,
    self acceptance,
    realistic goals
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  • Emily's story

    My story is one of the many small hits that led to the darkest moment I have faced, and how I have come out of it.To start, I am, or at the time I thought I was a very happy outgoing person, without too much detail things began to slide, the job I loved was taken away from me when I was moved to a new one by my company, it was stressful but I ...

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    Tags:
    smile,
    recovery,
    Depression
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  • Beating the Thief

    …If you can fill each unforgiving minute with 6o seconds of distance run… Stephen wrote a brief history of it, Jules dreamed of traveling through it, some people waste it, when it is the most precious gift we can give someone. Mine is being stolen! Of course I’m talking about time. Just now I’m keeping a grip of it, using it. Not as well as some do, but, for me, a lot is getting done. That is ...

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    Tags:
    Fight back,
    Struggle,
    Winning,
    Depression,
    Helping
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  • O To Feel So Powerless

    O someone calm me down from feeling so powerless and unable to carry on.I have tried and I have failed for the zenith time. I thought I was on a roll then it all came tumbling down to nothing as my powers seized up.I am left only with the wings of a broken Phoenix unable to fly out of its ashes....breakdown...recovery...breakdown...recovery, it flaps lamely.Rest is the only help but it ...

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Helplessness
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  • Surviving

    I thought I had it all under control. The less they knew, the less they would meddle, and the less questions would be asked and I forced to answer. Uncomfortable questions, questions I barely managed to ask myself. "How are you?" - Easily saved with a "I'm alright, what about you? How are you? What's going on in your life?", brushing off the real answer by asking them several back. Nodding and smiling as they ...

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    Tags:
    life,
    Depression,
    PTSD,
    symptoms
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  • Hell and The Ghost Train

    Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide. I think I am in Hell. Coming from a religious upbringing I was told that Hell is your worst ever fears all in one place. So I think that is where I am. The ride has stopped but it's still dark and I'm still afraid. I can hear voices but this time they are telling me that things are definitely not ok. Things are never going to ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    Suicide,
    Anxiety,
    Depression
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  • Helter Skelter to Hell

    Regardless of my best efforts I seem to have passed the "stop here" sign and I am hurtling down what I can only describe as the Helter Skelter to Hell. Before I know it I'm plunging deeper and deeper into the darkness with a feeling of sheer terror taking over my mind and body. I try desperately to cling to the sides but there appears to be nothing to hold onto. There is no light ...

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    Tags:
    anti-depressants,
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Panic
  • It happens sometimes.

    I am confident in my own worth and then I forget who I am. My value, my goals, my talent, my love all worthless without self belief. The things that I love I’m uncertain of, can I really write? Am I a good mother? Am I a good girlfriend and friend? Am I really good at my profession? Is my perception completely off? Do people actually like me? Is my poetry all that good? Always ...

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    stress,
    loss,
    Depression
  • Writing myself out of a hole.

    Please note: this piece references suicide. Writing Myself Out Of A Hole. How long I have suffered depression I do not recall. It is now many, many years. I was first prescribed anti depressants in March 1993. It took until September 2014 to get a formal diagnosis. A long time in anyone's book. Of course the black dog wasn't my constant companion, There were months and years when he didn't visit. However, he was never ...

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    Tags:
    recovery,
    Depression,
    Writing
  • The Day I Fell off The Edge of The Earth

    Thursday 3rd December 2016. The day I fell off the edge of the Earth. Really looking back the walk to the edge started many months before, but the fall started in the early hours of Wednesday 2nd December around 1am. I awoke from what had been a very disturbed sleep with a feeling of utter dread. It had been a long time since I felt that feeling but there was no mistaking it. The best ...

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Panic,
    Self-stigma
  • The Great Void

    It's like grieving for your former self I have gone My soul has disappeared And I don't know if it will ever return. I don't know where to begin My brain is cotton wool And my heart aches. A black hole inside of me Pulling everything inwards Soon my heart won't even hurt I will cease to exist in this reality.

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    Tags:
    Depression,
    loneliness
  • Lectures

    It's been a while since I've been to all my lectures. I've got one in 15 minutes and the last two on this subject I've just switched off half way through. I'm gonna try and stay focused for the whole thing, write down everything I can. When I actually do something to do with my degree I tend to enjoy it, but sticking with it, and starting in the first place, is so much effort. ...

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    Tags:
    Depression,
    lecture,
    motivation,
    university
  • Saved Draft

    All aone and scared. All Inside. How much longer? Who cares?

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    Tags:
    anxiety,
    Depression
  • Cage (War Inside My Head)

    Please Note: This Story Discusses Suicide. Why are you still here? Was there ever a time when you weren't? I never asked for you to be here, why can't you go away? You say that you're my ally and that you're my only friend, why do you corrupt me? They're not against me. You have a silver tongue that tells me lies, yet when I try to overpower you and resist, I always lose. You ...

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    Tags:
    Suicide,
    Depression,
    Anger
  • The End

    The End This may be triggering for some as it talks in depth about suicide. Well what was supposed to be the end happened 11 years ago now, when I was age 23. Just about to celebrate my first wedding anniversary to my childhood sweetheart. I spent that first wedding anniversary in the psychiatric ward doped up to my eyeballs on diazepam - it appears that was the best they could do for me at ...

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    Tags:
    suicide,
    PMDD,
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Paranioa