It’s intoxicating in the beginning; to see behind the mask they wear in public. The one that the World sees. A persona that draws you in, makes you trust, makes you care, makes you love. And you do. It feels so deeply personal, like you’re connected on a baser level. It becomes an obsession, to see the most inner workings of their mind. A craving like no other. It feels like it means ...read more
The Safe Room
I could learn to live in a room like this. Low ceilings, narrow window. I could learn to stoop and make myself small. No room in this chamber for other bodies,done by design so I can go unseen,so I'd never have to worry about being described behind my back,being slashed across the achiles heel. Better this shruken life than having my soul raidedif I dared to open its lid. What you don't know can't hurt you.In this small room, ...read more
Here I am, in a city that I have looked forward to moving for a very long time, sitting on a comfy chair next this beautiful French balcony and keeping my brain busy trying to figure out what is wrong again while my eyes are going around the people by other windows and down in the street. I like being here, this room that I got by chance in a historical center of the town, the loudness of ...read more
I'm disillusioned. I'm fed up. The only thing I have passion for is creativity, but nobody's hiring someone on the basis of sheer love for a craft alone. They want degree certificates, three years experience. They discouraged pursuit of creative endeavours at school, selling science as 'guaranteed future' but I'm sat here with one and a half degrees - half, because to be honest I don't even know if I'll make it to the end ...read more
Patterns : REQUIEM
Therapy Sesh 2 : REQUIEM. 10am on a soakin' Glasgow morning. My hands are red raw from the wind and rain being pelted at me as I walked to the building where I vent to my lovely counsellor. We sit down, she puts my jacket over the radiator and begins. How do I want to start this week? Is there anything in particular that's been bothering me? IS A CAT A HAIRY BEAST?! Yes. ...read more
Trust, such a big thing !
Why am I thinking about him again? He is not worth my time and I know that yet I'm lying in bed unable to sleep and all I can do is hate him. Im thinking about my sperm donor of a dad! He used to beat my mum and my older sister, luckily I think he never got to me, by for some reason I'm just as affected by it. He moved away and has started ...read more
A sense of belonging
Please note: this story references self harm and suicide.
I remember the dazed, sickly feeling; the heat of the hospital and the incandescent fear. It had faded slightly on arrival, lurking in the background like a toothache slightly subdued by aspirin. I was angry too, at having made mistakes – big ones and bad ones that would change my life. A lot of the crazy things I had done were because of delusions, but also because of the fear of ending up in a ...read more
I'd gone to visit a friend and we'd been drinking. He had moved away and I rarely got to see him, so we were having a good catch-up and enjoying ourselves. We'd been to a few bars and had then gone back to his apartment to begin drinking the whiskey I'd brought. But within minutes the facade dropped, I couldn't stop crying and I had no energy left to keep up the pretense. My friend ...read more