• Path Dependancy

    Here I am, in a city that I have looked forward to moving for a very long time, sitting on a comfy chair next this beautiful French balcony and keeping my brain busy trying to figure out what is wrong again while my eyes are going around the people by other windows and down in the street. I like being here, this room that I got by chance in a historical center of the town, the loudness of ...

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    Tags:
    life history,
    identity,
    Anxiety,
    coping strategies,
    family
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  • Pinpricks

    Needless needles all over my skin.They're hot and cold and I can't settle.Black, filling the gaps. Wish it swallowed them.Beetles. Biting, scratching at my thoughts.I calm and they swarm. Sludge, filling the gaps. Wish it drowned them.I can't stop. I can't start. can't breathe. I can't choose.No dreams. No future. Just a ghost.Anxious. Depressed. Frustrated. Sick. Sad. Weak. I wish I could see in the dark. 

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Pain,
    future
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  • O To Feel So Powerless

    O someone calm me down from feeling so powerless and unable to carry on.I have tried and I have failed for the zenith time. I thought I was on a roll then it all came tumbling down to nothing as my powers seized up.I am left only with the wings of a broken Phoenix unable to fly out of its ashes....breakdown...recovery...breakdown...recovery, it flaps lamely.Rest is the only help but it ...

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Helplessness
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  • Water on Pain

    Please note: this piece references self-harm. Step into the bathtub. Turn the water hot as you can bear, to take the pain away. The fear. The grief. Look down at the scars on your body, made on nights when you were losing your mind. It's okay. Madness is a human emotion too. Whisper "i love you" to your skin, "thank you" for holding all of the stories together and building you new. Lather your hair ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    Anxiety
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  • My Boyfriend plays too much video games and its tearing us apart!

    Ever since I got the internet back I have noticed my boyfriend spending all of his time playing online video games. It's either sleep or video games. never just quality time with me. I have mental illness and I find this really affecting my anxiety. I just want to feel loved and appreciated. Is that too much to ask for? This is taking over our relationship and I love him dearly and I know that ...

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    relationships
  • Hell and The Ghost Train

    Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide. I think I am in Hell. Coming from a religious upbringing I was told that Hell is your worst ever fears all in one place. So I think that is where I am. The ride has stopped but it's still dark and I'm still afraid. I can hear voices but this time they are telling me that things are definitely not ok. Things are never going to ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    Suicide,
    Anxiety,
    Depression
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  • Helter Skelter to Hell

    Regardless of my best efforts I seem to have passed the "stop here" sign and I am hurtling down what I can only describe as the Helter Skelter to Hell. Before I know it I'm plunging deeper and deeper into the darkness with a feeling of sheer terror taking over my mind and body. I try desperately to cling to the sides but there appears to be nothing to hold onto. There is no light ...

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    Tags:
    anti-depressants,
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Panic
  • Things that make me happy... don't always work.

    What makes me happy? Well... how long is a piece of string? The answer... Long or short. There are lots of things that make me happy, but that's all well and good when we're in place that stress, anxiety and depression cannot touch us. I love to read and write it gives me great joy, but that doesn't work when I'm having a reading dry spell or writer's block hits me. I've begun at least ...

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    Tags:
    stress,
    depression,
    Anxiety
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  • The Day I Fell off The Edge of The Earth

    Thursday 3rd December 2016. The day I fell off the edge of the Earth. Really looking back the walk to the edge started many months before, but the fall started in the early hours of Wednesday 2nd December around 1am. I awoke from what had been a very disturbed sleep with a feeling of utter dread. It had been a long time since I felt that feeling but there was no mistaking it. The best ...

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Panic,
    Self-stigma
  • Disorganised Mess

    If I have been away from home for any length of time like if I have been at Shelleys for a few days, or even if I go shopping and come home with a lot of bags I get so agitated and anxious and can stress out about the "mess" and "disorganisation" of the house. I cant settle until the house is tidy but in my mind there's always something that needs done.

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    Tags:
    Anxiety,
    Mess,
    Stress,
    Shopping
  • The End

    The End This may be triggering for some as it talks in depth about suicide. Well what was supposed to be the end happened 11 years ago now, when I was age 23. Just about to celebrate my first wedding anniversary to my childhood sweetheart. I spent that first wedding anniversary in the psychiatric ward doped up to my eyeballs on diazepam - it appears that was the best they could do for me at ...

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    Tags:
    suicide,
    PMDD,
    Anxiety,
    Depression,
    Paranioa