Father

I've now outlived my father of 48

This past year has been a disaster brought by fate

This stirs up strange feelings

And at times has left me reeling

 

I've outlived Lennon, Elvis and my Dad

I've mixed feelings....am i happy or sad

I've no reason to be overjoyed

But these feelings i can't avoid

 

So where do i go from here

I don't have my father to give me a steer

I feel empty at the thought

But i have memories...that's all i've got

 

I've lived to make my father proud

To my own detriment but i'm bound

With all my thoughts and actions

To get my fathers satisfaction

 

But it's a strange dichotomy

Thinking of my father and me

In my dreams he always looks the same

Not beaten or in pain

 

It seems the only one in pain is me

It's like all my burns are 3rd Degree

When i see him in my dreams i cry

And wake up with tears in my eyes

 

My father wasn't perfect or great

Sometimes we loved but mostly we'd hate

I understand his need to abuse

Back then it's not something that would make the news

 

But is has left it's emotional scars

And my life it has marred

But i try to forgive but can't forget

And try to minimise the effect on the life i haven't lived yet

 

He didn't deserve what happened to him

What was done was the ultimate sin

It's part of my life that i can't change

I can't ignore or re-arrange

 

I try to think not of the past but to the future

No point in talking to my mum, it just changes her

So where do i go now that i've oulived him

My Father who's name was Tim.

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Mother

This story references abuse.

You had me but i never had youWhy did you do the things that you'd doWhy was i made to feel like the outcast of the familyCouldn't you see the effect it would have on me You and my father fil...

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Soul Satisfaction

I'm searching for a soul satisfactionDirection, Creation and ReactionFrom The Power deep withinForgiving of all sins Buried deep within The SecretAll my pains and regretsWaiting on the t...

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Regret

Regret postpones lifeIt holds you in the past like a viceTakes a hold and won't let goEats you up and takes your soul But you have to live life with no regretAnd look to the future you haven...

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Mother

This story references abuse.

You had me but i never had youWhy did you do the things that you'd doWhy was i made to feel like the outcast of the familyCouldn't you see the effect it would have on me You and my father fil...

read more
Tags:
the,
past
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Soul Satisfaction

I'm searching for a soul satisfactionDirection, Creation and ReactionFrom The Power deep withinForgiving of all sins Buried deep within The SecretAll my pains and regretsWaiting on the t...

read more
Tags:
Recovery
  • 0
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The Wound

Some days it catches my scent, then it's on my trail all day, driving me over the edge of the steepest cliff, clipping at my fingers as I cling on, holding onto composure. I feel open and raw to the world, people speak and I sti...

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