Diffusing My Atomic Heart

Knowing how to diffuse an arsenal of emotions is part of my well being and education. As the pressing tide of illness sweeps back and forth I am conscious I must not yield to it.

I must mitigate this flow somehow while coping with reality. I would rather not be put to the test so often, as I go about hard wired in the pursuit of providing.

I have two hearts. One at peace the other ready to explode. The peaceful one patiently nurses the sick one. As it beats out a sequence of panic, paranoia and distress.

I am left holding a booby trap hoping the fuse will die out before detonating an emotion a bit like a cartoon character.

This uses up a lot of courage and effort and leaves me self-absorbed, withered and trembling. Till I can reapply myself.

As you can see I have always wanted to work despite my illness although no one has the power to help me in my affliction.

It is an intense occupation that I do alone. A regular trial of anguish and suspense. It is my terror. So I man up about it like in the film the 'Hurt Locker'.

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I gave up my comfort zone,To the Yell of the world,I felt I had no right to it,I risked my mental health, I listened to its schmooze,I heard every pitch,My 'accusers' descended,<...

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Alone And Single-Handed

O what a gift independence is! To secure a reality through hard work. To have worked alone and single-handedly though no man is an island. Surely this will woe employers in these failing times I am hard-wired to believe?In the meantime a...

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courage,
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I'm played by Julia Roberts as she is how I really want to look, both from when she was young and how she looks now.  Also I like her personality; she seems full of fun, just like me.  But there's that little sadness in the ba...

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MY NEW JOURNEY

Please note: this story references trauma and abuse.

 After many years of battling depression & mental health finally being diagnosed with Bipolar seven years ago which resulted in being sectioned and admitted to Hospital.  This caused me ...

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anger,
taking control
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