Diffusing My Atomic Heart

Knowing how to diffuse an arsenal of emotions is part of my well being and education. As the pressing tide of illness sweeps back and forth I am conscious I must not yield to it.

I must mitigate this flow somehow while coping with reality. I would rather not be put to the test so often, as I go about hard wired in the pursuit of providing.

I have two hearts. One at peace the other ready to explode. The peaceful one patiently nurses the sick one. As it beats out a sequence of panic, paranoia and distress.

I am left holding a booby trap hoping the fuse will die out before detonating an emotion a bit like a cartoon character.

This uses up a lot of courage and effort and leaves me self-absorbed, withered and trembling. Till I can reapply myself.

As you can see I have always wanted to work despite my illness although no one has the power to help me in my affliction.

It is an intense occupation that I do alone. A regular trial of anguish and suspense. It is my terror. So I man up about it like in the film the 'Hurt Locker'.

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Spirit Of Low Self-Esteem

Part of my work within my conscience is to separate a spirit of low self-esteem which is a symptom of my illness from the spiritual experience of lowliness which I get from the Lord. And not to confuse the two of them.I can willingly acc...

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of,
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Wintry Soul

Reflecting on my experience with reality I conclude that for me it runs on being able to maintain adequate economic support in a failing climate with my three spiritual fuels or capacities, namely; hope, faith and love.So I say earnestly...

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taking,
control
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I Am And I Am Not

How do I manage fluctuating strength? By routinely testing my can and can't do capacity. I try to maintain a steady well-being under varying degrees of stress. When, then, is it safe to unlock my will power?It takes discernment, judg...

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coping,
strategies
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Wintry Soul

Reflecting on my experience with reality I conclude that for me it runs on being able to maintain adequate economic support in a failing climate with my three spiritual fuels or capacities, namely; hope, faith and love.So I say earnestly...

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Tags:
taking,
control
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Flipped Script

Keystrokes ring out like gunshotson her old second-hand typewriter.She's writing something betweenher auto-biography and her manifesto. It's a first draft,but it a...

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life history,
divorce
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My Spiritual Disability Insight

Graspingly, I say to myself, “O to have been healthily and effectively schooled in the functions and mechanisms of a genuine Faith.”If I was going to adopt one, as a young man, I would find that the basic tools with which to ...

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insight
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