Gutted.

I'm disillusioned. I'm fed up. The only thing I have passion for is creativity, but nobody's hiring someone on the basis of sheer love for a craft alone. They want degree certificates, three years experience. They discouraged pursuit of creative endeavours at school, selling science as 'guaranteed future' but I'm sat here with one and a half degrees - half, because to be honest I don't even know if I'll make it to the end of this one, or if I'll take the MPhil and jump - and there are no jobs hiring that fit my skillset. 

I'll work doing anything. I've cleaned toilets, served cakes and coffee, sorted post, taught kids, bar work. However, the sheer lack of anything related to what I've spent the past 9 years of my life working on is depressing as fuck.  Want to swap onto another degree? That costs money. Money I don't have. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no intention within the next year of returning to full time study because the past 3 years have made me miserable. Truly miserable. The lack of support within my department is stunning. The amount of students leaving due to this should surely make them question what's going wrong. It doesn't. 

I want to get into writing as a career. Medical writing was my go to, because I've the skills but no-one is hiring. There's a trainee programme, but it's not open. There's also no hint of when it'll be open. I'm just shuffling day to day, trying to shamble through and out the other end of this shitshow of a course that is wildly disappointing compared to how it is marketed. I'm fucking furious at the lack of support. The disinterest in student wellbeing and information being less than readily available. Absolutely gutting. 

Add your reaction
  • 1
  • 1
  • 2
  • 1

Scratch

Am burst.  Too many failures in such a short time has left me utterly burst. Left my PhD. Applied for a medical writer job and got rejected. Thought I had a job now and that's basic...

read more
Tags:
  • 0
  • 0
  • 3
  • 0

I Sell Smiles

I sell a smile with every drink,brief interactionswith souls dancing in the night.   I fill vials of poison, venomous green, handed to strangers who fervently gulpto forget th...

read more
Tags:
coping strategies,
depression
  • 0
  • 2
  • 1
  • 1

I Can't Sign Out

I live for when I feel the sun on my skin on days like thisfreckles darkening, strawberry flesh. Ice water cooling a warm mouth, bare feet in the grasssee the bees bumble. Smell warm...

read more
Tags:
depression,
suicidal thoughts
  • 1
  • 1
  • 1
  • 0

need to take that risk

Why this? Why now? Why not?Feel mad as I often fail.Or often feel misunderstood.Or I don't know what to say, or how to say it.Deep huh?I so often end up getting into a fight with myself- if you know what I...

read more
Tags:
  • 0
  • 0
  • 1
  • 0

Love power

Love can make me angryThinking you’re givingBut not seen as receiving Trying to retreatBut looking like you’re taking defeat Wanting status quo But neithe...

read more
Tags:
strength
  • 0
  • 0
  • 1
  • 0

Deserted

My heart doesn't cry with pain no moreMy heart cries with rage You promised me lovethen took it awaywhen I needed you most Abandoned, aloneim scared I'll never find ...

read more
Tags:
loss
  • 0
  • 0
  • 2
  • 0