Gutted.

I'm disillusioned. I'm fed up. The only thing I have passion for is creativity, but nobody's hiring someone on the basis of sheer love for a craft alone. They want degree certificates, three years experience. They discouraged pursuit of creative endeavours at school, selling science as 'guaranteed future' but I'm sat here with one and a half degrees - half, because to be honest I don't even know if I'll make it to the end of this one, or if I'll take the MPhil and jump - and there are no jobs hiring that fit my skillset. 

I'll work doing anything. I've cleaned toilets, served cakes and coffee, sorted post, taught kids, bar work. However, the sheer lack of anything related to what I've spent the past 9 years of my life working on is depressing as fuck.  Want to swap onto another degree? That costs money. Money I don't have. Now, don't get me wrong, I have no intention within the next year of returning to full time study because the past 3 years have made me miserable. Truly miserable. The lack of support within my department is stunning. The amount of students leaving due to this should surely make them question what's going wrong. It doesn't. 

I want to get into writing as a career. Medical writing was my go to, because I've the skills but no-one is hiring. There's a trainee programme, but it's not open. There's also no hint of when it'll be open. I'm just shuffling day to day, trying to shamble through and out the other end of this shitshow of a course that is wildly disappointing compared to how it is marketed. I'm fucking furious at the lack of support. The disinterest in student wellbeing and information being less than readily available. Absolutely gutting. 

Add your reaction
  • 1
  • 1
  • 2
  • 1

How?

It's meant to be a time of starting fresh. Landed my dream job, start in 2 weeks. Really looking forward to it. But we're skint. I'm going to have to keep on my 4am finish bar job until about 3 weeks in to the new j...

read more
Tags:
  • 0
  • 0
  • 2
  • 1

Scratch

Am burst.  Too many failures in such a short time has left me utterly burst. Left my PhD. Applied for a medical writer job and got rejected. Thought I had a job now and that's basic...

read more
Tags:
  • 0
  • 0
  • 4
  • 0

I Sell Smiles

I sell a smile with every drink,brief interactionswith souls dancing in the night.   I fill vials of poison, venomous green, handed to strangers who fervently gulpto forget th...

read more
Tags:
coping strategies,
depression
  • 0
  • 2
  • 1
  • 1

My Experience of Anger to Date...

I haven't felt anger for years, I've managed to numb myself from it.  I was always told to not get angry! A forbidden emotion when I was growing up.  If I did get angry, I was made to feel completely and utterly ashamed w...

read more
Tags:
Hope,
Anger
  • 1
  • 0
  • 0
  • 1

The Deepest Sorrow

I wish I felt anything but anger when I see a pregnant woman, affectionately caressing the home in which her baby grows safely. Pain wears the veil of anger so as not to be seen. It buries itself deep in the heart of me where it is safe fr...

read more
Tags:
depression,
anger
  • 0
  • 1
  • 2
  • 0

My Weakness

Please Note: This story references sexual abuse and trauma.

MY WEAKNESSI feel so angry with myself for being weak and allowing myself to be manipulated and used and question myself daily why did I let this happen?  Am I so desperate for lo...

read more
Tags:
anger,
recovery
  • 0
  • 0
  • 4
  • 0