Paranoid Affliction

O my repeating paranoid affliction so easily triggered by stress. Results in me providing an 'unusual' delivery when I am confronted with essential life situations. A worried bloke, confused with shallow confidence. This behaviour is seen over and over again. Then I am either accommodated or rejected by the people in that life event. Its weird and beautiful like deadly nightshade. It is like I sing a written verse or rhyme recalled involuntarily from my over taxed paranoid memory. A broken record from a past time etched like a tattoo. It is who I appear to be with my hand up. A default experience and the only base which I have to write from. I feel like I am sinking and failing immediately after it erupts and they are all alarmed by my 'unwarranted' self expression. However its not all bad its just a paranoid response to social stress and disappears after spilling out all over reality. Calm down I can live with it, the pure suspense that possesses me. It just seems so bright, loud and embarrassing and is launched from deep feelings of suspense. What a delivery!! be proud of it, it is not harming anyone.

 

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O To Pursue The New

Pursuing new things is exhausting and taxes the emotions of my illness. I am aware that others may always be doing and trying new things. I can not keep up with them.I would be happy with a few new things every now and then. I would be h...

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Newness
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An Ode To Livid Fathers

So I was born to adult life with a damaged money gene to provide with? To the incandescent rage of my father and to the consternation of my contemporaries! Excruciating!So I am glad I got myself baptised with this faulty treasure. I say,...

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Forgiveness
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The Fires Of The Day

O, to possess a talent for lasting the whole day, week, month or year!Those monolithic fortresses are gifts I can only hope to admire.I may never realise them securely.I work, I am strong but it does not last, I am consumed...

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Lived Experience,
Reality
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Cruel Life

Please note; this story makes reference to suicide

So my friends 11 year old son died in his sleep yesterday. How cruel is this world?Many times people in this world have been taken way too soon and i always think about me trying to take my own relatively healthy life. I used...

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Death,
Life
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toxic atmosphere

humph...! read more

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My Recovery Rocks

Please note: this story references suicide.

10 years i have been known to the MHT, although i have had mental health issues for as long as i can remember. I have been through so much. On many occasions i didnt e...

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Tags:
mental health,
Recovery
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