Journey of a Lifetime

People say everything has a beginning, a middle and an end - usually in that order. I feel like my life had an end, a middle then a beginning - let me explain. My end was my beginning. It turns out ironically that the worst time in my life has led me to my new beginning. There was of course the 'middle' - the part in-between where I had to work pretty hard and make sense of everything that was going on - but I reached my new beginning. At the time when I experienced my 'end' I was absolutely convinced that I would never work again and that I would never be able to have children of my own and look after them. In my eyes had failed - I was mentally unwell therefor how could I possibly have any aspirations for the future at all as people would just see me as a "loony, mad, mental" - all the lovely things you hear people describing people with mental health problems as.
The end was meant to be the end - but my attempt to take my own life failed and boy am I glad because that is when my real journey to self discovery began. So I'm starting at the perceived end and I'm going to take you on a journey to my beginning. To be continued.......

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Hell and The Ghost Train

Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide. I think I am in Hell. Coming from a religious upbringing I was told that Hell is your worst ever fears all in one place. So I think that is where I am. The ride has stopped but it's still...

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Tags:
hope,
Suicide
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Helter Skelter to Hell

Regardless of my best efforts I seem to have passed the "stop here" sign and I am hurtling down what I can only describe as the Helter Skelter to Hell. Before I know it I'm plunging deeper and deeper into the darkness with a feeling of sheer ter...

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Tags:
anti-depressants,
Anxiety

The Day I Fell off The Edge of The Earth

Thursday 3rd December 2016. The day I fell off the edge of the Earth. Really looking back the walk to the edge started many months before, but the fall started in the early hours of Wednesday 2nd December around 1am. I awoke from what had b...

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Tags:
Anxiety,
Depression

Ugly yellow sun and the runaway girl

UGLY YELLOW SUN AND THE RUNAWAY GIRLMy life is physically harder but for the first time ever,  I'm mentally happier, don't get me wrong I have good days and bad days.  My body is killing me slow...

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Hope

I'm at my middle lifeAfter a struggleIt's been a muddle But I'm getting there I can't change the worldOn my own But I can play my part And make a start<...

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Suspense, Anguish And Fear…..

……….all over what is not real with a paranoid component and feelings of despair. An emotional heart beating out a vibration of error. Not to mention a plague of voices playing with my head.With a mind as sensitive as...

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Tags:
of,
self
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