Born mid December, already a week late but heifers always are according to my Dad. Farming's always come first over family with him so my part in his story seems very much like a sideshow. So how did he shape my story? He pushed me away from farming and his old fashioned views on female roles as subsiduary characters. My Mum reinforced this by telling me to keep my independence and maybe this is why I never wanted to marry or have kids. I want to be forever cast as Emma S. But my parents did give me a treasured upbringing in the countryside and my interest in the outdoors, nature and photography. This helped shape my chapter at uni and eventually my career.
As kids my brother and I were close but stories he's told of me have hurt as well as healed.
But now, as I find my story on pause what should I focus on? Is now, while I'm ill the right time to remember fond chapters from the past and more prevalently start writing ones for the future?
I find the black cloud distorts what I remember and hones in on the cruel plots of my life. I need to settle my mind and block out those who try to impose their versions on my narrative. I want to make my story heard. So while society expects me to lose my name to another and take maternity leave I'm keeping my name and having some ME-ternity time. A chapter in my story where I put myself in the leading light without apology or awkwardness. Look at the past with positive hindsight to see what else I can learn that can take my character forward and live a life that's determined by me and not my illness and society's perceptions of it.
- This Moved Me
- Thanks for Sharing
- This Helped Me