It's the simple things in life which make me happy. A lifetime of suffering means that each moment and spark of excitement brings a childlike happiness. Some call the way I see the world as childish. Some label me odd and some ridicule and laugh at me. But on the good days, I wish others could see the world like I do. I wish others could enjoy the inspiration of a leaf on the ground, patterns of leaves making me laugh and smile. Bruised knees turned into awe and wonder at the pretty colours, watching the colours change over time. The lemonade made out of lemons, which my mind and thoughts different to their reality and labelled as mentally ill, but can be used as a strength and to my advantage. My view of the world in this state is sometimes called delusional. But what is reality? Why does it matter as long as I am safe and happy - my world may seem delusional to others but if it keeps me alive and gives me strength, then it is part of my recovery. The traits of mental illness can be used as my strengths. They can be used to protect me from the scary parts - the nightmares or hallucinations which instil fear and terror can be stood up to with the fantasy and creative parts of my brain, that create my own reality. As long as I am not lost forever - as long as I remember to come back and don't hide forever - I will be safe in my disconnected and connected world. And I turn my fear into a different emotion. I can feel the courage and strength of survival when I stand up to the fear in my head or in your reality - I can use my own mind to protect me. And all is well.
The calm before the storm but the storm can be tamed by the calm :)
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