Mathematics

My conscience must balance the following personal equation to zero. It goes... I would have welcomed less and existed better in a more equal and more truthfully, transparent society. And then… however I would now recoil at having less in a less equal and increasingly more unfair world as I experience its injustice like a whip.

As fairness and unfairness and the equality and inequality, along with the truth move up and down in politician's voices I find my poor mental health stretched to its extremes.

My mind revolves around the following...

What is the world coming to. I am only human with a finite capacity. Does the world want me to fail? Am I just a statistic in its reasoning? Does it hear the plea of those choked out of existence by its policy manoeuvres? The manoeuvres it maintains will save us. Can it not be truthful for longer than an expedient length of its time. What is the next step and who will pick up the pieces it has broken off? Who will breathe life back into the system everyone is relying on?

Yet I remain grateful to God who upholds my well-being with hope and faith.

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O To Pursue The New

Pursuing new things is exhausting and taxes the emotions of my illness. I am aware that others may always be doing and trying new things. I can not keep up with them.I would be happy with a few new things every now and then. I would be h...

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Newness
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An Ode To Livid Fathers

So I was born to adult life with a damaged money gene to provide with? To the incandescent rage of my father and to the consternation of my contemporaries! Excruciating!So I am glad I got myself baptised with this faulty treasure. I say,...

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Forgiveness
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The Fires Of The Day

O, to possess a talent for lasting the whole day, week, month or year!Those monolithic fortresses are gifts I can only hope to admire.I may never realise them securely.I work, I am strong but it does not last, I am consumed...

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Tags:
Lived Experience,
Reality
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The Deepest Sorrow

I wish I felt anything but anger when I see a pregnant woman, affectionately caressing the home in which her baby grows safely. Pain wears the veil of anger so as not to be seen. It buries itself deep in the heart of me where it is safe fr...

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Tags:
depression,
anger
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My Weakness

Please Note: This story references sexual abuse and trauma.

MY WEAKNESSI feel so angry with myself for being weak and allowing myself to be manipulated and used and question myself daily why did I let this happen?  Am I so desperate for lo...

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Tags:
anger,
recovery
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need to take that risk

Why this? Why now? Why not?Feel mad as I often fail.Or often feel misunderstood.Or I don't know what to say, or how to say it.Deep huh?I so often end up getting into a fight with myself- if you know what I...

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