Trust, such a big thing !

Why am I thinking about him again? He is not worth my time and I know that yet I'm lying in bed unable to sleep and all I can do is hate him. 

Im thinking about my sperm donor of a dad! He used to beat my mum and my older sister, luckily I think he never got to me, by for some reason I'm just as affected by it. He moved away and has started a 'new' life and had more children. 

So why do I struggle to trust anyone, especially men. I can't trust my judgements with them so I avoid and run. I run away from everything that could go somewhere because I don't want to be rejected and I can't trust that their intensions are true. This is the reason I'm still a virgen as I can't trust someone that much to loose control. Some say it's not a bad thing but I'm worrried I'll never loose it! 

Why does this fucked up man who I hate still control the way I live now! 

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