Just some thoughts

I feel disillusioned with life at the moment. I don't no how to feel anymore. Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm sad. Is it love or lust I honestly don't no. I honestly don't have control over my emotions anymore and I don't no what to do anymore. I understand why she hates me, she said she doesn't but I feel as if she does. People my age aren't supposed to think or act in this way. I honestly don't no what to do anymore. I'm leaving soon and poteintally losing those close to me specifically her. She'll forget about me, she'll move on towards a great life. I don't no where I'll be in the future. I have no hopes or dreams really. I promised her I wouldn't do anything stupid or silly (as long as she kept to her end of the deal). I just feel lonely I guess. It's nights like tonight were I have no one at all. I don't really have anyone to talk to, it's just me, alone, with thoughts spiralling around my head. I just wish I had someone. Not in like a loving relationship sort of way but just someone who just simply cares. She doesn't care about me really, we don't talk but i understand why we don't really talk because of who I am as a person both physically and mentally, I am weak in both. I think of myself as generally not a nice person. I've said some stupid things in the past that I regret. The echos of my regrets haunt my mind even after many years. Maybe if I could turn back time and change things maybe things would be different. Who knows? Who cares?

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