The summary of my depression journey

I suppose I have known for a long time that my job wasn't working for me. I was caught up in the camaraderie and the fact of living in a foreign country helps to cement that. I have never really kept a job very long and this one seemed to be different. I was ambitious and climbed the ladder, with it increasing all the time the hours I worked. Working from home with long days spent on the road it was a different thing every day. But eventually little things became big things and then things took a turn for the worse. The straw that broke the camel's back was a lie. A lie that was so big told to me by a client, but it affected several people and was too stressful to handle. It was the culmination of a difficult time economically and therefore job wise and this was just what a didn't need. I couldn't pick up the phone, I couldn't check emails. I didn't want to see anybody or talk to anybody. 2 years later I had had a sabatical of 10 months to get over my depression and anxiety, and recover a 'normal' life. I had been on anti depressant medication since the first breakdown and now with the added help of therapy I felt on top of the world. 6 months later I realise I was a little too high. Suspected hypomanic. I had decided against all advice to return to work. Nothing was going to beat me this time. I could do anything! After 3 months back, it all came crashing down around my ears. 26th March 2014. A date, as my psychiatrist says 'very specific'. I am now on my third anti depressant as well as mood stabilisers. I would like to get myself back but I am worried I have lost part of me. I feel slow, confused, tired, I used to make 100 decisions an hour, now I am lucky if I can make 1 a day. I hope by slowly recovering and taking one day at a time, I will get there.

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