The battle

With a large turnover of thought, it's easy to go sideways. It's a blessing and a curse, lateral thinking is my favourite quality but if it's not tailored or kept in rain it can run away in the wrong directions. Inevitably every few weeks, when my thoughts are free my head is bombarded with the most incredible riddle I've ever faced which is... 'why live?' And so I hold on to this fallacy that if I can just make it past that riddle the gates of the party that is modern life will swing open and I can clamber on in.

I think about two things. 1 - the people I admire, my symbols, pillars of guidance. The standard handles that I use to clamber out of this depressive state with the riddle of my life. What do they look at? How do they look at things? 2- My input, if I want a different output then what is my input? Those are my two go to routes out of the web of depression. I realised years ago that I am the spider in that web and I spin it myself. I am the thing which comes clambering down the web and devours itself. That is the battle for me, realising that I am in a bloody war. The battle with myself.

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