I would like to share two areas of self observation; One is in experiencing consolation with God and the other is while experiencing desolation without Him.
For me desolation is accompanied by an added danger when it is prolonged or aggravated by my mental illness. I feel an anxiety that I might not recover from it at all.
On the other hand consolation becomes worrying when due to slight mania things are too good for too long, like a euphoria. Again there is an anxiety associated with this because deep down I begin to feel something is not right.
So I always experience some level of anxiety towards the end of these cycles as I am tried and tested by God in life's events.
Under daily stresses I see-saw between these two realms as I engage in my work. I do not get unwell right away but the experience is a challenge and I can tire quite quickly and will need more rest than is usual to recover. However unchecked it will lead to being very unwell.
On the whole positive stress is very good as it is part of life's motivation and continual learning. Negative stress is the other educator that requires the same amount of emotional resilience and determination. Two sides of the same coin which are well known to sufferers and the people they engage with.
All this turbulence is very important to me as I reflect with maturity that it makes up the majority of my spiritual life experience while I strive to maintain an adequate exterior life.
Mental illness does not stop me receiving God's grace but that never means I should ever forget I have an illness to live with in space and time among men and all that it entails.
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