Having A Chance Means A Lot To Me

I know myself by my self-loathing and unreality like a signature tune. When I am well it can be endured easily. When very unwell it could lead to my death.
The coin of mental health/mental illness spins in the darkness and falls at the feet of those who can care. It is flipped by a mixture of biology, chance, spirit and fate and I have to be ready for both outcomes. Those who care know and want to help me but there is the crucial element of luck and chance in the circumstances with the spectre of finance, resources and goodwill.
The coin can be flipped for a day, a week, a month or a year. Depending on the period of health or illness. It is my way of accepting what will come by drawing lots with the coin and moving along the board of existence. A way of counting the ups and downs. A sixth sense in the milieu. A coping skill, a foot hold in the crevice, a life-saving mentality as I work with reality to stay real under my own steam.
It might be that the coin falls at my feet to care for those around me on a daily basis. I am imbued with the sense that I must play my part very well. It can be achieved among the shifting tides of everyone's health of which I am either joined or married to. We all have a coin to flip and a responsibility to share. No one can predict the final outcomes but we would have tried our best under the circumstances.

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O To Pursue The New

Pursuing new things is exhausting and taxes the emotions of my illness. I am aware that others may always be doing and trying new things. I can not keep up with them.I would be happy with a few new things every now and then. I would be h...

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Newness
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An Ode To Livid Fathers

So I was born to adult life with a damaged money gene to provide with? To the incandescent rage of my father and to the consternation of my contemporaries! Excruciating!So I am glad I got myself baptised with this faulty treasure. I say,...

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Tags:
Forgiveness
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The Fires Of The Day

O, to possess a talent for lasting the whole day, week, month or year!Those monolithic fortresses are gifts I can only hope to admire.I may never realise them securely.I work, I am strong but it does not last, I am consumed...

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Tags:
Lived Experience,
Reality
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Cruel Life

Please note; this story makes reference to suicide

So my friends 11 year old son died in his sleep yesterday. How cruel is this world?Many times people in this world have been taken way too soon and i always think about me trying to take my own relatively healthy life. I used...

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Death,
Life
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toxic atmosphere

humph...! read more

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My Recovery Rocks

Please note: this story references suicide.

10 years i have been known to the MHT, although i have had mental health issues for as long as i can remember. I have been through so much. On many occasions i didnt e...

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Tags:
mental health,
Recovery
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