Ugly thoughts

Please note: this story references suicide.

I was wearing a scarf earlier and I had to take it off because I started to hear the thoughts again,
'Kill yourself'...
It creeps in amongst the normal thoughts like 'I'd better go and do the dishes..Or you could kill yourself'.
I'd started to think I could maybe just hang myself with that scarf, I wondered how much it would hurt and what surface would hold my weight long enough for it to work properly.
Then I changed my trousers, put on my trainers, blasted some tunes and went on the treadmill and I fucking ran, and did some squats.
And I felt a million times better for it.
I did the dishes then I sat down and drank some water and I reminded myself not to let my thoughts swallow me.
'Go fuck yourself', my thoughts replied.

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