Night Time

I wake myself up crying,
the real primal kind,
where the tears don't come before the wailing,
and the writhing in the pit of the stomach.
I curl up in fetal position,
as if folding myself in half will somehow squeeze out the pain,
or maybe keep the hope in.
In the absence of a deity,
I talk out loud to my long deceased ex,
begging for him to stop this feeling,
I say over and over and over again,
'I don't want to feel like this anymore.'
'Please make it go away.'
And the silence that shouts back is deafening.

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Ugly thoughts

Please note: this story references suicide. I was wearing a scarf earlier and I had to take it off because I started to hear the thoughts again, 'Kill yourself'... It creeps in amongst the normal thoughts like 'I'd better go and do the dish...

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Tags:
suicide,
borderline personality disorder
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Seeing the psychiatrist when they don't see you.

My usual psychiatrist is off sick. 'You don't seem emotionally unstable to me at the moment' said the Dr, who I'd sat with for under half an hour. Yeah mate, that's not really what Emotionally Unstable/Borderline Personality Disorder is. You shou...

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Tags:
Diagnosis,
EUPD
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How Music Helps Me

When you're susceptible to mood swings it is good to avoid things that can put you on a downer, or make you too high. Music absolutely makes my day more manageable. Sometimes I Listen to it to lose myself in it, to get lost in the story, the rh...

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Tags:
Music
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Endings

EndingsA happy endingIs what I'm sendingTo all who have travelledAnd all who have babbledTo all who have spokenAnd to all who've been brokenIf a new chapter, with laughterIs what y...

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Tags:
T
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The Heroic Journey

The Heroic JourneyA/My Heroic JourneyA Hero's To Do ListToday - as they say"Do the right thing and the right thing will happen"Although as you may know, "Billy don't be a Hero" ..;.

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Tags:
taking,
control
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Vulnerability

VulnerabilitySelf talk/choices/affirmations, poetry... Vulnerability...You show me yours, and I'll show you mineIf we cannae find it, we will be fine...We can take our timeWho knows what will happen, down ...

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Tags:
Self,
Vulnerability.
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