To Do Lists

To Do Lists

When my life became quite small, and I barely functioned, my existence shrunk down to a series of lists to keep me sane. They were meant to become habits, second nature, things that get done regardless of how you feel, where you are and what is going on in your life. They were written to combat the strange amnesia that comes upon you when in the clutches of depression, when you forget or are unable to do the things that have been keeping you alive for X amount of years.

They were as simple as:
Brush your teeth twice a day.
Drink water.
Remember to eat.
Try not to sleep later than 12pm.
Try to get to bed before 12am.
Get fresh air.
Keep your support network's contact details to hand.
Attend your doctors/CPN appointments.
Wash every day.

And if you read between the lines, ever so faintly, there was:
P l e a s e d o n ' t d r i n k.
P l e a s e d o n ' t d i e.
I g n o r e t h e e x i s t e n t i a l d r e a d t h a t ' s c r e e p i n g i n.

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