The Jitters They Saw

Having recently failed a 3 hour interview by a tiny whisker due to my jitters at the role-play part, I realize that the job is not meant for me.
As the pressure increased so the jitters multiplied under the influence of the interview technique into a rainbow of nerves. This cycle always occurs and repeats itself whenever tested too much.
I reflect that I can see work ever more clearly with time and experience. I recognize that I do have enough qualities and skills. However the schizophrenic jitters arrive with the shock of not knowing something, to add another nail to my coffin for the time being. That's life.
Perhaps it was in the Grand Design of things that this should happen.That the role is too tough. It is not jobs at any cost is it ? But I needed to try because in trying I discern what I can and can not do in this life.

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O To Pursue The New

Pursuing new things is exhausting and taxes the emotions of my illness. I am aware that others may always be doing and trying new things. I can not keep up with them.I would be happy with a few new things every now and then. I would be h...

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Newness
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An Ode To Livid Fathers

So I was born to adult life with a damaged money gene to provide with? To the incandescent rage of my father and to the consternation of my contemporaries! Excruciating!So I am glad I got myself baptised with this faulty treasure. I say,...

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Forgiveness
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The Fires Of The Day

O, to possess a talent for lasting the whole day, week, month or year!Those monolithic fortresses are gifts I can only hope to admire.I may never realise them securely.I work, I am strong but it does not last, I am consumed...

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Lived Experience,
Reality
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Turn round and face it

Turn round and face itThat first bottle of cider set me free, it was as though a button had been pressed in my heart and all the hurt, pain and worry simply blew away like a leaf in the wind.  It was the solu...

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Tags:
depression.,
recovery.
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Through the spin cycle

I dont feel quite right today. So here I am again... I have an art class to attend and Im struggling with getting my act together.  I feel like im not part of anything or anyone.  This distance will keep me at home if I dont push...

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Tags:
small steps,
positive
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vaginismus

argh!feel worried as I read more

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