I am confident in my own worth and then I forget who I am. My value, my goals, my talent, my love all worthless without self belief.
The things that I love I’m uncertain of, can I really write? Am I a good mother? Am I a good girlfriend and friend? Am I really good at my profession? Is my perception completely off? Do people actually like me? Is my poetry all that good? Always questioning myself.
I go through my day (for these short periods of time) examining it all as though I’m not there. Like I’m floating through the world, only an observer, but then interaction is such hard work.
How are you? Such a simple question but it holds so much meaning. Do I answer “ Yeah good thanks.” Because ultimately your outer circle of people don't need to know you're in a self doubting period? Or do you be truthful and tell them that you're totally adrift, questioning your whole life? The truth is good but does everyone need to hear that you're low? At least if you lie you can make believe for a few moments that you're your old self again before, inevitably the smile fades from your face once more.
Eventually the period passes. You're no longer a stranger in your body, you're connected. You’ve done your crying and self pity party of one ( Yes that's supposed to be amusing but ultimately true). But you know these periods return, they always do. The thing to remember is, they don't just happen to me, they also happen to others and I'm not alone. There are others who understand this and I have the support of those who love me.
Be well... Jittersgirl x
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