Smiling outside....Dark soul inside

Please note: this piece contains references to self-harm and suicide.

I am not your average 24 year old girl...I have had these issues start at precious age 15.....High School was so hell filled I chose to block it all out...Age 18 I cut myself for the first time...I had a feeling of control and a sense of doing something I feel I deserve...Fast Forward to 2014....Started harming again and deep dark depression, thought about ending all my pain once and for all...Having nothing to love for I feel like I wouldn't be missed....Two weeks ago (May 2016) I fell into a deep depression...Started cutting again...This time I have 20+ cuts all over my upper arms. My parents have no clue as to what im going through because they do not care and they invalidate me when I explain i have depression....I hide my pain and cuts well...Pretending I'm fine on the outside is an everyday job....I have suffered too much emotional trauma in my short life....I do not feel anything anymore...Trying to recover from this episode...Didn't eat or take care of myself for weeks..Let myself go as I believe I deserve it all... I wish I could say that I could feel again...Recovery is a struggle.....

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