Four in the Morning, Caring

Four In the Morning - Caring

It’s four in the morning, the phone rings its shrill
Everything else in the world seems to still,
The journey to mum’s gets harder each time
‘No response’ Mechs report, when they tried on her line

I wonder with dread what awaits me up there
A fall, a wet bed, no blankets – just care?
The daily events that I may need to cancel
All rush through my head - what can I handle?

I get to the house with my mood oh so low
Still about to face what it is I don’t know
I open the door go into the room
Tucked up safe in bed, lost feeling of gloom

The feeling of gloom is replaced soon by dread
The catheter undone – a very wet bed
It is up for a wash and a change of her bedding
Another full load to the machine is a heading

A fresh bed is made, and mum is all dry
Attempts I have made to prevent another try
Tucked up all cosy I leave her to sleep
My warm cosy bed ‘til tonight it will keep

It’s now past 5.30, my train is at seven
The option to me is my personal heaven
My three happy dogs and a head torch on hand
A walk to the Ponds will be really quite grand

The dawn starts to break and the birds are a singing
Another day’s challenges only beginning
The peace and the knowledge that each is anew
Let’s me focus on now and not what I might do

The future is scary and I really won’t cope
If I focus on something just based on hope
I need to keep going and work day to day
And cope with it all in my own special way

I’m not being a martyr in a pejorative way
It’s not about moaning on day after day
It’s my mum that I care for and love her so dear
But the purpose of life at this level ain’t clear.

Her mind now is going, she can’t read her books
She stares into space, as if looking for spooks
She can’t leave her bed without falling on floor
Life is confusing, there is nothing more

The purpose for writing this poem ain’t clear
But helps me to focus on what I hold dear
Whatever the future she knows I am there
When push comes to shove, I really do Care…….

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