As a child I never sat down and had a proper meal. My family was always on the move. Slowly it started to become a habit and it became natural to me. I never really thought that I had anorexia. I always thought that I was " normal weight".
During primary school I was referred to a children's dietitian. The dietitian told me that " your only a little bit under weight". I had to stop going to the dietitian because of my family circumstances at that time. The dietitian never called to re-arrange any appointments. To me it felt like the dietitian was never bothered or cared.
In August 2011 my mum was worried about my weight. She took to the doctor. I had to be weighed by the doctor. I was severely under weight for my age. My doctor referred to a eating disorder clinic. I wasn't bothered and didn't really care at first. To me it felt like I was wasting my time. I guess I was in denial at first. I went through two dietitians , a physiologist, family therapist and CBT therapist. There was a time where I wasn't allowed to go to college because my condition was so bad.
I think when I realised that I was damaging myself was when my dietitian told that " if you continue like this then you'll have to go to hospital ". That was the moment when I got my wake up call. That was the moment when I took it seriously.
Two years ago I was referred to a CBT therapist. I didn't really know what CBT was or it does. My relationship with my CBT therapist was not just therapist client relationship, it like we were friends. She knows all of me, my whole story. The CBT thearpist is someone who builds a relationship with you so you feel more comfortable. It was really hard for me to identify what I've been doing wrong because I never thought I was doing anything wrong but I was.
My mum came with me to a few therapy sessions and it did give her a insight of what I was going through and how I actually felt and I feel sometimes and why I didn't tell her how I felt sometimes. There was an advantage to therapy.
Therapy helped me to learn about myself. I learned to be assertive and actually say what I want say because I would never say anything. I would never say how I felt because I thought okay I don't want cause any drama or I don't want to be mean. So just knowing how to say it the right way I think is the best way to do it.
My mum was very attentive to meal management and providing me with food that I might want to eat even when she was sick. She has been so supportive.
My friends were very supportive by keeping me updated with college while I had to be taken out of college because of my health. When I used to come to college my friends would be so happy to see me and we would talk for hours and hours. Once in college my teacher made get lunch and she sat there with me until I ate and she did not leave until I finished. It was her lunchtime as well.
My college tutors helped get through my course and I passed my course as well.
My clinic held a few support groups and I went to them, they were pretty good and it helped me realise that I'm not alone and there are other people too.
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