I'm getting up for work
"Today I am getting up for work", schmoozed Bob to himself. He feels glad and it makes him happy to shower and dress. The feeling of dependency has withered and he feels positive about himself. "A renewed man under a blue sky" he dares to think to himself. It's been a long time out of work and Bob does feel nervous but he is breathing a sigh of relief at this new opportunity.
"Give it your best" he mutters reassuringly, "At least you are learning something new".
He combs his hair and checks himself out in the mirror. Its time to travel.
On the train bob reflects, " I have worked blindly out of a sense of duty and responsibility in the past."
"Out of sheer brawn, I fought to stay upright but with very little understanding into what I was doing."
" Now I can 'see' how 'money talks' in the world and how my illness has talked back to it in a desperate attempt to cope with its demands."
"I'm learning about money in the bigger sense and I can 'see' the reality of money as it seen and taken for granted by the majority with good health."
"In fact "money talking" has been very confusing because of my schizophrenia" he gasps awe struck at the magnitude of life around himself.
Some people had simply laughed at him while others shrugged their shoulders as the years had passed by unaware as to why he could not grasp what was plain and obvious to them.
However at the age of 49 he gets the 'sight to see' what is taken for granted . He has climbed the ladder of insight and come out of the abyss.
It has taken him a long time but each step has given more satisfaction than any conventional success in the world might have done. An unusual way to be fulfilled but steady and lasting for his integrity. The illness, a close partner to his soul, had to do some work, he mused. A lame leg still had to do some walking ...... a lot of walking in fact.
Now he must face the tigers at work who were steeped in financial traditions and beliefs and have known about money all along and from an early age.
The train terminates and Bob steps on to the platform, sidles through the ticket barriers and stops to buy a coffee. He likes to be early for whatever he has to do so he can think and get things into perspective.
For the time being Bob's illness is not bothering him it's been wallpapered over and has dried out. He hopes this seal on his health will not break.
He has overcome the problem of not believing in himself by his dedication. He has been healed daily by some superior force through his faith. Loved ones have cared for him. And now "money talking" , making sense to him. "Could he be any more blessed ?" , " Could he gain a wage as well ?", " Was it allowed in the great scheme of things ?" ," Could he pay his way better than he had done before ?" He hoped he could. He wanted to be right in the world but it felt like a desperate, unrealistic thought which flickered through him like a fever.
He had to admit to himself that there were more important things to him than this notion. He had felt the demands of money deep in his bones because of what had been preached to him by many other groups of people and now all of a sudden he could see what they meant.
Money was the crucifying agent in all of this he concluded, abruptly. Justice for himself and others like him was a superior imperative and ran deeper in his veins. Was this dangerous thinking that needed realism or was it a wholly realistic point of view ?
Service for now was he had met money and now he was ready to understand it. Was there any place he could go and work that would accept him as he was he mused ? Not unless he underwent a degree of change. He appeared useless to the whole system despite his intelligent thinking.
There was too much utopia in him he must find a way to enjoy life and the world as it stood. 'Whistle while you work' a dear friend had urged him. Be happy and relax.
Don't be so absorbed by the world. Accept. Let go.You only have a short time. His thoughts tumbled on.
There was a unique key to "dignified employability" for every human under the sun no matter what condition they found themselves in .This was the vision he felt was right and true for all who found themselves marginalised in any way . And a person had to work towards it to make it real if he could not find it in the world or be left in a vacuum of uncertainty and aimlessness.Vulnerable to a path that was not right for him. He was sure he wanted to stay right. He was paranoid of any other notion. His friend was right he needed to relax more.
The following day was free and Bob kept himself busy with his household chores. Bending his elbow he swung the iron across a wrinkled tee-shirt.He liked to meditate while doing a physical activity.A Johnny cash CD played soulfully in the background. His dog laid still at the head of the couch letting out a sigh with a look of determined boredom.
"Console me Lord in my poor thoughts" he prayed.He had learned to create an inner space to make dialogue with the divine possible. A satellite earth station to beam and receive prayerful messages .
This was welcome love of God, a space to 'talk' away from the nagging world of money.A transcendent platform far above the avarice of materialism. It was a stronger, safer place to be he reckoned. He was firm and confident in the knowledge that it was real and not clever escapism on his part. Not a trick as some had suggested it was.
He wanted his imagination to be filled with good things by his Creator to ward off negativity so he could have a fruitful day of meditation. It was better than just working dryly without a spirit. It was OK that nobody knew he had this precious inner existence .
It had been wrought out of nothing and belonged to him.It was a unique personal gift from his Lord. A place to go . It was a happy place.
He perceived an answer to his praying in the form of a realisation and so it came ..........
.......On the earthly plane he wanted to go beyond the swings and roundabouts of his schizophrenia and create meaningful movement in his life. This was what he must do to be freer . This meant stepping out of his poverty. It meant a daily leap of faith.But only when he could. It had taken years to reconcile himself to his condition even though he had resigned himself to it from the beginning . It was time to step outside of the capsule and walk in space,time and reality in an increasing way. A healed man on a daily basis. This was far more important work than making himself ill competing for money though he wanted to work and walk the line in the world.
Bob figures out what he is doing with himself. Its a great relief to him. He feels calm.
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