Straggler

Its been 8 years. 8 long years...
How have I survived this long?
The urge to end it all comes and goes, yet when I reach my highest, I am still unhappy.
I should be happy, not much is going wrong in my life and most things are going right. I work nights, earning my meals while dragging my heels, alright money. My parents are there for me and I have 3 very good friends that I see often. 29% of young males have some form of mental illness and it just so happens that I am one of them.

Give me something to kill numbness I feel everyday, a pill or cream or something to make me feel normal again. I was happy once, back when I was running around the cul de sac with my friends. The warm memories I once knew are still there but I can't remember the feelings I felt during them, they've been replaced by how I feel now, empty...

Can't eat, want to sleep all the time, nothing interests me yet my head is always swimming. I need to find my way out of the grey soon because at the moment I'm lost in the void. This doesn't feel like living, its about time I asked for help and swallowed my pride instead of the sleeping pills and alcohol that I planned on taking oh so many years ago.

The wolves are coming and I have no shelter... Straggle on...

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Stream of Consciousness

Am I good enough to keep going? At times I feel like no one is by my side, even though that is a lie. I have a very good friend that I have known for the past 10 years, but I have no idea why he sticks by me. Most people have turned their backs on...

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Tags:
Negative Thinking,
Self Doubt
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Cage (War Inside My Head)

Please Note: This Story Discusses Suicide. Why are you still here? Was there ever a time when you weren't? I never asked for you to be here, why can't you go away? You say that you're my ally and that you're my only friend, why do you corrupt me? ...

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Tags:
Suicide,
Depression

Blue Room

When I was with you, way back, sitting next to you on that blue couch with our feet on the blue carpet, eating nachos and playing video games with nothing but the glow from the television as our light source. Those nights were the best, the days w...

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Tags:
Happy,
Hope

I'm trying

Currently on antidepressants to deal with the anxiety. No difference so far (day 4), and having some side effects. Hopefully will see some light soon as I'm willing to stick to them and give them a chance. Although I've thought about le...

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Tags:
anxious,
job
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Surviving to thriving and back to surviving...

I thought I was thriving. And this is good, right?  No, apparently "it's concerning" and indicates that I am 'vulnerable' in some way.I'm sorry that I don't fit into your expectations...

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Tags:
trauma,
reflection
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I am Recovering!

I've only just begun thinking around the idea that I'm actually in recovery.  Being around others with mental health issues and talking has brought this to the forefront of my mind. &...

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Tags:
compassion,
Recovery
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