I know you are fighting a battle you're sure you're not going to win. Believe me when I say "You never know what's round the next corner". It is very true but I will say there maybe many corners but one of those will be the turning point when all starts to come good. There will be many challenges along the way, but never give up as each challenge will make you stronger. Never give up on you!. Surround yourself by loved ones and stay clear of those friends who drag you down and when a friend says something someone has said bad about you, ask them never to tell you again and leave it to them to fight your battles for you. You don't need negativity. You are ill, so get rid of the guilt that comes hand in hand with mental illness. Guilt is corrosive. Be kind to yourself if you need a duvet day have one. Sometimes I just ride with the waves of my illness and wait for them to calm knowing the happy points will come. It may just be a minute here and a minute there that the big dark cloud lifts but soon the happy times join together, To give you that much needed break from the hell you are in. When you are feeling happy write yourself a letter saying how good you feel because when the next low comes you need to remind yourself what feeling good feels like, This gives you hope. Depression maybe lurking there and every now and then it likes to bite you in the bum to remind you "Hey I'm still here"
Reach out to those that love you and remember they may not understand what your'e going through. But do you understand it? I certainly don't.
There is so much out there to help you and your loved ones, many books with endless help and advice. My partner read "stop walking on eggshells" and since has been a changed man. As he now knows that drunken person who self harmed and tried to kill herself wasn't me at all it was another me. I'm so glad I didn't succeed. Because i have found that corner and i would be devastated to have left everyone who cared for me and I cared for: My children, my partner and family.Although at the time my Brain didn't work like that.
I have joy in my life now, I enjoy things I look forward to things. Don't get me wrong I know Depression is there waiting with a wicked grin waiting to bite me on the bum again. But now I have the tools and support to get through it.
I have had my medication changed and tweaked constantly but iIreally feel although it has been a long time I am on the right track. At first I wouldn't leave the house, But now with the help of the Support in Mind team I go Swimming, Walking and go to Creative Writing. ( all with like minded people who don't judge)They have also helped with all my benefit forms so I am now getting financial help. I've had help from my OT and Physcologist. So I can now use the tools I've learnt to keep on top of things.
There is always something else that can be done to help you. I know your head is so full of stress there's no room for anything else, but gradually with support all that spaghetti in your head will get straightened out so you can start living again. Its like rebuilding a computer and takes time with lots of bumps on the way. it also will take a lot of different people to get you there. YOU WILL GET THERE. keep writing down how you feel keep a diary and you doctor would be more than happy to read it, it will give a good overview of how you feel and what help you need. Please be honest with everything and don't stop banging the door. You need help and deserve help and you will get it as iIsay you never know what's round the next corner. Lets hope the corner you need is not too far away. This is just the beginning.
Big hug from your friend xxxx
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