Lucky to be alive

Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide and abuse

My morning ritual commences - cuppa tea, roll up and head space zooming all over the universe.  Today, for the first time I can remember 'lucky to be alive' was where my spaceship landed...

Where and what is this alien place?  

Space Cadet Glasgow Burd has landed and will explore this terrain and bring home her findings.

On first inspection, lucky to be alive appears to be benign but number one rule 

Stepping onto terra firma my danger gage is going mental, alarming incessantly, steam seeping through its seams and advising me to stay safe and not go out there!

Im not entertaining all that pallarva, I go without thinking and see what happens.  Inquisitiveness is my friend today.

Intergalactic signs read, Where, when and why...My direction is why my junction lucky to be alive....

Here goes -

I lived without a diagnosis all my life

A paedophile lived in my house when I was 9 just after my dad died

I began self harming when I was 12

I took overdoses of pills and alcohol when I was 14, 15, 17..............to date

I went to the Dr when I was 18 and showed her the scars of one of my suicide attempts and asked her please dont give me a row, I feel so ashamed.  There was no referral to psychological services of any kind?

Ive been beaten, raped, emotionally and mentally abused and neglected since birth and I went through the care system from the age of 11 until 16.

My ex husband was and to the best of my knowledge still is violent. One day while he was beating me up I thought he is going to kill me so I played dead/unconsious he screamed I was pretending and he kept hitting me. 

I nearly drowned once.

I am so much more than the violence in all irs forms

So yeah I am Lucky to be alive and today I am making cakes Yum!!!  

 

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