My Experience of Anger to Date...

I haven't felt anger for years, I've managed to numb myself from it.  I was always told to not get angry! A forbidden emotion when I was growing up.  If I did get angry, I was made to feel completely and utterly ashamed with myself and I came to the conclusion I was bad.  This dynamic was perpetrated by my family.  Who btw were allowed to express this emotion and usually I was their sitting duck, the bad one deserving of it's wrath. I still am!  I tried so very hard to be 'good' but it was never enough.  The family would get me to do chores etc because they knew I would jump at the chance to be 'good' I feel so used! Alas, I dont feel angry about it, not yet anyway.  What Im hoping is that when this anger surfaces I will be ready for it and direct it in positive ways to help myself.  Someone once said to me "The best revenge you can get, is to be kind to yourself"

My future self having felt anger around my traumas will look something like this:

1.  I will recognise where it has come from and why

2.  I will attempt to channel the energy positivly and healthily

3.  I will try to put it into an activity, that will allow my wellbeing to benefit in a beautiful way

4.  I will remember, anger is not a shameful emotion, rather, its necessary to process past traumas fully

5.  I will not turn anger in on myself!!!

Hope......

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Through the spin cycle

I dont feel quite right today. So here I am again... I have an art class to attend and Im struggling with getting my act together.  I feel like im not part of anything or anyone.  This distance will keep me at home if I dont push...

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Tags:
small steps,
positive
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Lucky to be alive

Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide and abuse

My morning ritual commences - cuppa tea, roll up and head space zooming all over the universe.  Today, for the first time I can remember 'lucky to be alive' was where my spaceship lan...

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Tags:
recovery,
self harm
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Sharing the secret

Please note: this story references self harm.

My daughter discovered for the first time that I have used self harm as an coping mechanisim.  It all happened yesterday when she noticed a scar on my arm.  Her eyes widened and she asked me "Is that an accident or was it intenti...

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Tags:
hope,
recovery
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The injustice of not being heard, seen, validated.

I remember one day in primary school. It must have had quite the impact because I've never forgotten it (40 odd years later, give or take ;-)We were doing some sort of spelling/geography quiz....name a place and ask someone to spell ...

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Tags:
anger,
childhood
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The Deepest Sorrow

I wish I felt anything but anger when I see a pregnant woman, affectionately caressing the home in which her baby grows safely. Pain wears the veil of anger so as not to be seen. It buries itself deep in the heart of me where it is safe fr...

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Tags:
depression,
anger
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My Weakness

Please Note: This story references sexual abuse and trauma.

MY WEAKNESSI feel so angry with myself for being weak and allowing myself to be manipulated and used and question myself daily why did I let this happen?  Am I so desperate for lo...

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Tags:
anger,
recovery
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