Am I a Robot?

I am a Robot - Today, I woke up with this thought in my head.  Why you might ask?  My relative is crashing in my flat for one night.  and all day yesterday I 've been cleaning and tidying [I cant bare the idea of my relative seeing how I actually live!]  So I imagined that I was preparing my apartment for an Air b'n'b tourist....This way I will get the place up to standard and forget about this high anxiety experience in the process.  For today, I think I don't need to be an actual robot to make this happen, but if im not then anxiety kicks in big time and the job will not get done properly.  

My robot duties are: 

1. Do not be anxious 

2. Do an amazing job 

3. Do it fast 

4. Without rest

5. Be all welcoming without a care in the world

 After all I am a robot!

Well actually, I'm not, I'm a human being with feelings of a complexity I'm beginning to find out.

My coping mechanisim for this situation is begining to change!

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Through the spin cycle

I dont feel quite right today. So here I am again... I have an art class to attend and Im struggling with getting my act together.  I feel like im not part of anything or anyone.  This distance will keep me at home if I dont push...

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small steps,
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Lucky to be alive

Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide and abuse

My morning ritual commences - cuppa tea, roll up and head space zooming all over the universe.  Today, for the first time I can remember 'lucky to be alive' was where my spaceship lan...

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recovery,
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Sharing the secret

Please note: this story references self harm.

My daughter discovered for the first time that I have used self harm as an coping mechanisim.  It all happened yesterday when she noticed a scar on my arm.  Her eyes widened and she asked me "Is that an accident or was it intenti...

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hope,
recovery
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Turn round and face it

Turn round and face itThat first bottle of cider set me free, it was as though a button had been pressed in my heart and all the hurt, pain and worry simply blew away like a leaf in the wind.  It was the solu...

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depression.,
recovery.
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Through the spin cycle

I dont feel quite right today. So here I am again... I have an art class to attend and Im struggling with getting my act together.  I feel like im not part of anything or anyone.  This distance will keep me at home if I dont push...

read more
Tags:
small steps,
positive
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vaginismus

argh!feel worried as I read more

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