Suicidal Tendencies

Please note; this story makes reference to suicide

Part of my condition is that I suffer from suicidal thoughts and think about ending it often.  On holiday a couple of years ago,  I went for a swim in the sea, the current pulled me out and when I tried to swim back to shore I struggled with its power.  I thought, "Im not getting back, Im going to drown!"  I could see my sister on the beach, I was tiring quickly, the waves were crashing onto me, dragging my back, pulling further and further from land out into the vast Adriatic Sea.  Survival instinct kicked in somehow and I thought, "Im not dying today", Im on my holidays and enjoying myself so  I swam and swam with all my might mental as well as physical...Eyes focused on the shore, my sister and life. I felt the sea take me a couple of times, but I was determined, more determined than I've ever been, it just kicked in...eventually the waves crashed me into some rocks which was painful but at least I was back on dry land.  My sister said I should've swam slong the coast line and not out so far.  Shaken, I went to my hotel room for a lie down.  I thought 'when it comes to the crunch I chose survival'.  I could've let the sea swallow me up but I did not!  This gives me hope...

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Through the spin cycle

I dont feel quite right today. So here I am again... I have an art class to attend and Im struggling with getting my act together.  I feel like im not part of anything or anyone.  This distance will keep me at home if I dont push...

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small steps,
positive
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Lucky to be alive

Please Note: This piece contains references to suicide and abuse

My morning ritual commences - cuppa tea, roll up and head space zooming all over the universe.  Today, for the first time I can remember 'lucky to be alive' was where my spaceship lan...

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recovery,
self harm
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Sharing the secret

Please note: this story references self harm.

My daughter discovered for the first time that I have used self harm as an coping mechanisim.  It all happened yesterday when she noticed a scar on my arm.  Her eyes widened and she asked me "Is that an accident or was it intenti...

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hope,
recovery
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Turn round and face it

Turn round and face itThat first bottle of cider set me free, it was as though a button had been pressed in my heart and all the hurt, pain and worry simply blew away like a leaf in the wind.  It was the solu...

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depression.,
recovery.
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Through the spin cycle

I dont feel quite right today. So here I am again... I have an art class to attend and Im struggling with getting my act together.  I feel like im not part of anything or anyone.  This distance will keep me at home if I dont push...

read more
Tags:
small steps,
positive
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vaginismus

argh!feel worried as I read more

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