child free

So, today, listened to women talking about not having children

on the radio

being child free

either through choice, or deliberately

like me


I've not wanted a child

I was always nervy and shy and unsure of myself

as a child

and a teen

I thought I wouldn't cope

I thought it would be too much for me

and that I would somehow damage the child



I thought that the stress would drive me crazy

Being a parent is hard

the hardest job in the whole world


My own mother seemed to be always stressed

and over-tired

and over-emotional


I didn't want that

I didn't want the responsibility 

I enjoy my freedom

When I was growing up

I felt great pressure to care for

my brothers

and my sister

even for my mother

I felt that my mother needed me


This is crazy, and she should've supported me

I kind of became my own parent-

if you will

It is sad, if you really want a child

and can't

and that must cause great pain, indeed

and I wouldn't wish that on anybody

But, mostly, I'm happy not to be anyone's mummy

The down side

is other people's questions

people ask me why

and I feel like I have to justify myself

and come up with

a long list

of excuses

And losing touch

with old friends

as I don't have kids

so we no longer have stuff to talk about

as their lives have changed-

that is also difficult

So, I take care of myself

and to give myself


I look after myself

I do things that I love to do

as there is just me

(and M, my man)

and we both care for eachother

with, or without a child

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