How?

It's meant to be a time of starting fresh. Landed my dream job, start in 2 weeks. Really looking forward to it. 

But we're skint. I'm going to have to keep on my 4am finish bar job until about 3 weeks in to the new job just so we have money coming in. My mental health has become increasingly worse. I had a massive outburst at the end of shift the other day, on the bar, 4am, after saying there's little to no support for those with mental health issues. I'm finding it hard to do basic self care. Washing my hair is effort. I've only just received a therapy referral. My relationship is suffering because I am doing fuck all to help it - and I realise that I need to but I don't even know where to begin because I don't even know where to start with myself, and this just seems like excuses or roadblocks but it is true. I have no clue how to deal with my failings and it's driving me up the wall. I should be celebrating the fact that big changes are about to happen but here I am on a nice sunny day, lethargic, sad and indoors contemplating how I'll even begin to sort the mess that I've got us into. 

Yay. 

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Scratch

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