too quiet- for comfort- whose?

people tell me that 
I'm too quiet
and shy

I used to hate speaking in public
I still do
but it's not as bad
as it was

I like my own company

I feel over-whelmed sometimes
by too much noise
and too much conversation
and too much happening
like in crowds
or parties
or concerts

I don't like loud people
I don't like being told what to do
or being pushed around

I had a lot of trouble with counselling, as
I always got nervous
I didn't like being 
put on the spot
I like to be in control at all times!
I realise how odd that sounds- but it's true!

I joined a group for shy people
or 'socially anxious' people

many of them seemed to be locked into themselves
it was spooky!
it was like being confronted with
ten mes!

there were days when I hated my shyness
there were days when I hated the people that called me shy

the new word now is-
'social anxiety'
which sounds better than plain, old shyness
but people tell me that it's worse

because
they get panic attacks
and can't leave the house
and do the things they want to do

they sweat, and they tremble

I guess I have a mild form of it
I feel scared
but can manage it okay

I remember
when I was a teenager
I would walk past a cafe
and be dying to go in
and have a cup of tea
but I couldn't face
going in
and talking to someone

I also hated
answering the phone

and now I can

I will never be an extrovert

BUT

who cares?

why does my quietness bother people so much?

why does it make them so uncomfortable?!

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