Discharged AGAIN

Please note; this story makes reference to suicide

Discharged by the CPN AGAIN! She is off on maternity leave. I have lost 3 CPN's to Illness, 2 to retirement and 2 to maternity leave and i have had to fight every time to get another one. I only seen this CPN once and now i get a phonecall saying she is discharging me because i dont need a CPN. It is so frustrating.

Yesterday after work i went to the castle at the end of the shore where it was a high drop down to the rocks and water. I Wanted to jump. It rained but the damp didnt bother me. There was something calming about it all. I closed my eyes and let my body drift, like i wasn't there. I took a step back and cried! i didnt do it! I dont even know why i found myself there in the first place, or thinking that jumping would be a good idea. 

I drove home and got on with the day like nothing ever happened. Like i didnt have that half hour of doubt about life! 

I lay in bed and just relaxed and played games on my phone. 

Today has been a bit better although i got discharged from CPN

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argh!feel worried as I read more

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