feel trapped

grrr....
don't want to call
mizzy p!

this is crazy

have just been to a dance class
and feel loose and happy

and now
I feel tense again-

but am supposed to call her tonight

should stop emailing her

as every time I do
she nags me about getting a mobile

how do I get out of it?

don't want to hurt her feelings

BUT

she brings me down
she zaps my energy

have to think of something!

M is still not well
with his shoulder-

I guess that would be a good excuse-
that I have to help him

hmm...

feel that I have to explain my situation

my husband M

has usher syndrome
this means that he has sight loss, and some hearing loss

he is totally blind
I am officially his carer

I don't like calling myself a carer
it makes me sound saintly and good, and perfect

I'm not!

and

a lot of the time

I'm stressed

when I'm not stressed

I'm tired

or, I'm tired and stressed

and when I rest

I feel guilty about 
not doing enough

and when I try to do
everything

I get resentful

and tired, again!

would like to help mizzy p

really
I would
if I wasn't with M

BUT

really, I feel trapped
and that's the truth of it

I know, I should get a grip

and stop

trying to please everyone

 

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