My Weakness

Please Note: This story references sexual abuse and trauma.

MY WEAKNESS

I feel so angry with myself for being weak and allowing myself to be manipulated and used and question myself daily why did I let this happen?  Am I so desperate for love I seek it without thinking about the consequences of putting myself at risk?  Especially when I am vulnerable and too trusting and others pray on this and draw you in to them resulting in you not really being yourself.  At times you feel threatened and look for escapsim and can see none.  Why did I allow these people to manipulate and take me out of my comfort zone sexually?  Did I not understand from my past how easily you could be groomed for things you had never contemplated before and when you did not want to do what they wanted you were made to feel guilty.  Taking pictures of sexual activity of others making this into a video to send to others to arrange a gangbang when  you specifically said NO!!  

Unfortunately my anger has made me feel so unhappy & worthless it is affecting all areas of my life with my mood being very low at times.  I feel as though I am continually moaning and people soon lose interest in listening to you as everyone has stuff to deal with.  

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MY STEPS FORWARD IN MY JOURNEY TO RECOVERY

SURVIVAL What is survival?  How do you survive your past?  i want to survive make myself a stronger person and finally love myse...

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MY NEW JOURNEY

Please note: this story references trauma and abuse.

 After many years of battling depression & mental health finally being diagnosed with Bipolar seven years ago which resulted in being sectioned and admitted to Hospital.  This caused me ...

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anger,
taking control
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need to take that risk

Why this? Why now? Why not?Feel mad as I often fail.Or often feel misunderstood.Or I don't know what to say, or how to say it.Deep huh?I so often end up getting into a fight with myself- if you know what I...

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Love power

Love can make me angryThinking you’re givingBut not seen as receiving Trying to retreatBut looking like you’re taking defeat Wanting status quo But neithe...

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strength
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Deserted

My heart doesn't cry with pain no moreMy heart cries with rage You promised me lovethen took it awaywhen I needed you most Abandoned, aloneim scared I'll never find ...

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loss
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