My Weakness

Please Note: This story references sexual abuse and trauma.

MY WEAKNESS

I feel so angry with myself for being weak and allowing myself to be manipulated and used and question myself daily why did I let this happen?  Am I so desperate for love I seek it without thinking about the consequences of putting myself at risk?  Especially when I am vulnerable and too trusting and others pray on this and draw you in to them resulting in you not really being yourself.  At times you feel threatened and look for escapsim and can see none.  Why did I allow these people to manipulate and take me out of my comfort zone sexually?  Did I not understand from my past how easily you could be groomed for things you had never contemplated before and when you did not want to do what they wanted you were made to feel guilty.  Taking pictures of sexual activity of others making this into a video to send to others to arrange a gangbang when  you specifically said NO!!  

Unfortunately my anger has made me feel so unhappy & worthless it is affecting all areas of my life with my mood being very low at times.  I feel as though I am continually moaning and people soon lose interest in listening to you as everyone has stuff to deal with.  

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My Positive Perspective on My Journey

A POSITIVE UPDATE ON MY RECOVERYIts been a few months now since I have written anything as at the time I was revisiting areas which require more input from counselling which I am still awaiting.  An upda...

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Tags:
coping strategies,
taking control
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MY STEPS FORWARD IN MY JOURNEY TO RECOVERY

SURVIVAL What is survival?  How do you survive your past?  i want to survive make myself a stronger person and finally love myse...

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MY NEW JOURNEY

Please note: this story references trauma and abuse.

 After many years of battling depression & mental health finally being diagnosed with Bipolar seven years ago which resulted in being sectioned and admitted to Hospital.  This caused me ...

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anger,
taking control
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The injustice of not being heard, seen, validated.

I remember one day in primary school. It must have had quite the impact because I've never forgotten it (40 odd years later, give or take ;-)We were doing some sort of spelling/geography quiz....name a place and ask someone to spell ...

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anger,
childhood
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My Experience of Anger to Date...

I haven't felt anger for years, I've managed to numb myself from it.  I was always told to not get angry! A forbidden emotion when I was growing up.  If I did get angry, I was made to feel completely and utterly ashamed w...

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Tags:
Hope,
Anger
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The Deepest Sorrow

I wish I felt anything but anger when I see a pregnant woman, affectionately caressing the home in which her baby grows safely. Pain wears the veil of anger so as not to be seen. It buries itself deep in the heart of me where it is safe fr...

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Tags:
depression,
anger
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