Graspingly, I say to myself, “O to have been healthily and effectively schooled in the functions and mechanisms of a genuine Faith.”
If I was going to adopt one, as a young man, I would find that the basic tools with which to make it work in the world, malfunctioned even before I could begin.
The cruel irony was I had a healthy desire to practice but felt spiritually dis-empowered by the schizophrenia. I was very poor in spirit.
So spiritual practice came with a great sense of loss and doom because it was my dream to have faith as I imagined it would be. “Why me?” I asked, “can you still use these poor broken pieces, Lord?”
I could see the functions and mechanisms working all around me in others. I felt very useless without any. I was sure I was at the mercy of those lucky enough to possess them. O and how they all seemed to take them for granted. They seemed to have a special power that I was not privy to.
It made me pray and follow spiritual life all the more diligently. I was not envious or engulfed in rage, I was in a state of shock that it had happened to me.
This now was the truth and the reality. I was at the edge, a sick, unemployable graduate without any skills who believed in God. So I geared myself up for charitable works in various forms and at various times through out my life.
- This Moved Me
- Thanks for Sharing
- This Helped Me