My poem saved my life :)

Last week, the upsetting news of well known actors death shocked millions.
It has brought about awareness on how depression can be hidden behind even the happiest of smiles.
I am one of those people who hid behind her smile for many years and I would love to share my story with you.

I am the girl next door.
The girl that smiles as you pass her by in the street.
The best friend who is always there to offer support to others.
The attentive nurse who takes great effort to look after and care for her patients..the work collegue that always says "im fine".
The faithful wife who trys her best to not to moan too much and the mother that loves her child more than anything in the world.  
But yet still feels so worthless in herself.

Like thousands of other people For years I have suffered depression unknown to almost everyone.
During my darkest time I wrote a poem of how I felt.
For 10 years it has sat in an old jotter I had in the cupboard in the spare room.
But now I would like to share it with you all.

****************************************************************
DEPRESSION - my message to the world.........

Have you ever felt you wanted to run away
But feel you could not cope?
Wondering why you are being punished
Without any joy or hope.

At night I lie and think things
Will sooner or later be fine,
Everybody's life is eventful
Happy, fulfilled but not mine.

I cry at times , wondering...
Why i'm cursed, why I'm hated,
To me; life and everything else 
Is pointless and wasted.

I am unwanted, mistreated
And strives for some respect,
Nevertheless in this world it is I,
who is centre of neglect.

I am a Jack in the box,
Something that is enclosed,
But sprung out to be humiliated, 
Centre of laughter and exposed.

I plan means of escape
But things nevers work out right.
My life has no intervals 
Day or night.

Please if theres a purpose
Find your way to me,
Without hope, freedom and love
My life remains a misery.

By now this poem is becoming
A mere extract of my life,
Theres more trapped inside me
Released only with a knife.

Please I beg you, save my life,
End my sorrow.
Until then, I close my eyes
And pray I wont see tomorrow.

May I rest in peace... x

****************************************************

Reading this poem now makes me feel so saddened..... to been in such a dark place while no-one around me was aware. but somehow i was one of the lucky ones who overcame it. I never gave up.
I just to want make other people aware that depression is a silent killer and sometimes just putting feelings down on paper or speaking to someone can be the biggest and best thing you can do to help overcome it.
Use your all your emotions, feelings, anger, hatred, pain and let it go.... dont bottle it all up.... share it.
My poem really did save my life.
My poem will always be my reminder of my darkest days and deters me from ever going back there.
Years on I still have the odd down day, its only expected in todays modern day life with all the sad storys/news/disasters.

But never again will I creep back into the black hole thats haunts me.
I know its there though, hovering around.

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