What You Need To Know About Anxiety
Anxiety is like having a hive of buzzing wasps in your brain. It is constantly making noise. Incessantly reminding you of all the mistakes you've made, what you haven't been able to do yet, how to avoid doing anything 'wrong' -
but still coming away from every interaction beating yourself up and worrying people will leave you, never feeling you've done something 'good enough'.
It is over-analysing every comment, action,tone of voice, wanting desperately to just be 'chilled out' and able to let things go - but still things sting you. Anxiety makes you question if something bad is actually happening or if you are being 'too sensitive'.
It is wanting to be spontaneous and totally able to cope with change - and feeling like there is something desperately wrong with you for getting panicked when something doesn't go according to your organised plan. The slightest change can feel like the world is collapsing around you.
Anxiety is wanting to have certainty extracted from the uncertainty of life, and needing to find purpose and direction. Putting pressure on yourself to work harder, to figure things out sooner. Feeling lost, scared or like a fraud without having something academic or 'challenging enough' to throw all this nervous energy into.
It's exhaustion that can't be explained.
Anxiety is 3am Googling, desperately wanting to know if someone else can find the words you've been needing to hear, to know you're not going crazy. It's longing to know if anyone else has a similar experience to your own - cause this illness feels so damn isolating.
It is feeling the fear and showing up anyways. It is deep breaths and fidgeting. Frayed skin round fingernails. Muscle tension and insomnia. Hidden hyperventilating. Wanting to leave places
but not wanting to seem rude or make a scene or give people a reason to dislike you.
It is ingrained. Checking.
Handbags.Bathroom Locks. Purses. Reflections of yourself.
Rechecking text messages.
It is irrational and absurd at times, my god don't we know it. But know that we are trying. We are fighting every day. We are more than our minds. We are souls who have the world to share.
All we need is understanding.
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