• Enough For Me

    I have had three men who go in and out of my head for years now. They are very important to me and, although they really distress me, I feel like I need them around. Recently I spoke to someone from my local crisis team who said I should try to accept them when they are around and when they aren't around. I've been trying to do this but it's hard because I feel like ...

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    Tags:
    Poem,
    BPD,
    borderline personality disorder,
    pseudo-psychosis
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  • Hate is Such a Strong Word

    Hate is such a strong word but that's how I feel about myself. It's not that I think i'm a bad person, I feel like i'm fundamentally evil. Even though people ask me for proof of this and I can't provide it, it still doesn't change how I feel. I guess it's maybe due to the way I was treated as a child and the comments have stuck with me so much that I have ...

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    Tags:
    self-hatred
  • The Stigma of BPD - Seen in Professionals

    I was initially diagnosed with depression and after a while borderline personality disorder was diagnosed too. This is how I experienced the change in attitudes when this happened. I am depressed - we are here at any time I have BPD - stop wasting our time I am depressed - we can see you are distressed I have BPD - you are not distressed at all I am depressed - we know self harming is ...

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    Tags:
    stigma,
    depression,
    BPD,
    borderline personality disorder
  • Don't Follow Me

    This is a poem I wrote for my brother during my first time in hospital. He is my hope for the future. One thing i'll teach you Believe me it's true If you want to be happy don't walk in my shoes I want you to see all the joys in life to feel the beauty, to bathe in the light I want you to smile right from the heart Stay in the sunshine Keep ...

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    Tags:
    family,
    hospital,
    poem
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  • Daffodils and Sunshine (Thank you D's son for the daffodil)

    It's so dark inside my head It's so dark outside my head Until the sunshine comes and the flowers bloom The sun is very welcoming and its brightness helps us to see beauty more clearly The flowers make me sneeze but I forgive them You gave me a daffodil It was very kind and it cheered me up (It didn't make me sneeze) I hope someone gives you a daffodil too

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    Tags:
    Sunshine,
    happiness,
    kindness,
    poem,
    flowers
  • My Personal Storm

    I have a book full of ideas about things to write about. One of them is "a storm destroys your uncle's shed and kills his six year old son. Describe the colour of the sky right before the storm hit." This is my personal storm. I never noticed my sky because it never occurred to me that it would change. Looking back to right before the storm hit, I suppose the sky was huge and ...

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    Tags:
    writing
  • Inside and Outside

    There is rumbling and rattling inside this brick body Not enough to fill the enclosure Soon the body will be just a fatty lump the cats can feed on The body is a soldier It follows commands I will live my life as a shadow of everyone else even when there is no light to create me My voice is being suffocated by a pillow I am wearing an internal gag Sometimes I can talk ...

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    Tags:
    poem
  • Grateful

    I had a dream that I was really suicidal and self harming and my support worker was trying to help me. He ran after me when I went to try and kill myself and he asked nurses and doctors to help but they all said 'tell her to pray.' Even when his shift had ended he was there for me. He was the only one who cared. I had this dream after having a review ...

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    Tags:
    support,
    recovery journey,
    dream,
    grateful
  • Emotions

    Emotional waves of razors and glass Thick, heavy darkness that will not pass Trapped alone in a metal barred head Going through the motions of the already dead Unseen through layers of disguises and masks Allowing the program to complete daily tasks Anxious enough to jump out of my skin Don't know where the parts end and where I begin Feeling like a child and looking like a freak No hope and no care, the ...

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    Tags:
    depression,
    emotions,
    suicidal thoughts,
    poem,
    self harm
  • Walls Do Care

    A counsellor I saw when I was at uni said that he talks to his dog and his wall but he's not sure that they care. I think that walls care. They keep the outside out and the inside in, they listen without judging or interrupting, they don't tell your secrets, and most of the time they don't leave.

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  • Writing Versus Talking

    I have always been quite shy and at school I never put my hand up to answer questions and I never asked for help because it would have meant I had to talk to someone. I sometimes stumble over words and I find it hard to get the right words directly from my brain to my mouth and speak those words. Also, because I was put down for experiencing and expressing emotions as a child ...

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    Tags:
    writing,
    expressing myself,
    reading
  • I Am Imaginary

    Everything is blank and empty. Neutral. This 'thing' is not me. Things are quiet and emotionless. No reactions. Nothing to react to. Dull. I can't stand this space filled with a lack of emotion I know there have been a lot of distressing moments recently but their emotional impact has faded from my memory. I am numb. I am happiest in my lowest moments. I am connected. I am me. I want to talk to ...

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    Tags:
    writing,
    feelings
  • Imaginary

    Today I feel imaginary A creature concocted in a dreamer's mind Brought into being by thoughts and images Existing only when thought of Stop thinking about me and I disappear Today I feel like the world is imaginary The people too Brought into being by my confusion and loneliness Existing only when thought of Stop thinking about the world, the people and they disappear I am alone Am I perceived or am I the perceiver? ...

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    Tags:
    Poem
  • Thank You

    You give me time and let me talk I feel like you understand me You're like a rock A very kind person so honest and true There are rarely any people who make me feel better like you do You see me as a person when others see me as a diagnosis When my mind is racing you can help me focus I'm low and i'm scared full of loss and despair I know i'll ...

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    Tags:
    Poem
  • Acceptance

    I don't want to be told What to do How to do it What will make me better What will make me worse What my life should be like How I should feel The ways to move forward Stop trying to change me All I want to be is accepted For who I am What I do How I do it How my life looks How I feel The way I move forward Accept me ...

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    Tags:
    Poem,
    Acceptance
  • Trying to Describe Emptiness

    How can I write about and describe feeling empty and emotionless when those words imply that there is nothing there? Blank. I know I am distressed about 'feeling' this way but I can't feel that distress. I am disconnected from experiencing my emotions. Maybe it's like being surrounded by emotional darkness, in a black sea that has stopped moving and producing sound. My senses are still intact but I can't reach out and experience anything. ...

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  • Positives

    I keep having dreams with one of my teachers from high school in them and it prompted me to try and get in touch with him. He was the most supportive person in my life when I was at school and struggling with the death of my Mum, caring for my Dad and brother, depression, anxiety, self harm, and feeling suicidal. Looking back I took up so much of his time but he never seemed ...

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    Tags:
    positives,
    positive thinking
  • Emotions

    They will come Every day I expect them but they are still Unexpected They do not come in short bursts They come in a huge overwhelming blast No way out of my body Sometimes I cry but They don't come out in my tears Automatically I bleed but They don't come out in my blood I panic There are no distractions big enough to offer relief I talk Sometimes they ease If I am alone ...

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    Tags:
    Poem,
    emotions
  • Broken Toy

    Heal me I cannot heal myself Find me Don't leave me here alone You have left, for a while I have been put in a box Forgotten A broken toy Why mend me when there are other perfect toys? Ignore me Smash me into pieces it's all i'm worthy of Scatter me in the ruins of a once treasured land I am too heavy to blow away I will sink into the soil No flowers ...

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    Tags:
    Poem
  • Recovery in a Marble

    I wrote this at a writing group after being asked to pick an object and write about it. I chose a marble with a green wave/eye in the middle. What I have written is about recovery, I think. The green wave can be seen through the glass but it cannot be touched. There are no mirrors within the glass so the wave cannot see its beauty. There are bubbles, the waves oxygen. It has all ...

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    Tags:
    hope,
    recovery
  • Pets

    Since I was very young i've had to look after my family. It was hard work and I seemed to get nothing good from it other than knowing that my family was cared for. A voluntary organisation kept telling me to get a cat to improve my mental health but my Dad wasn't keen on it. I ended up in hospital for a bit and when I came home I found two kittens waiting for ...

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    Tags:
    Pets
  • Lindsay Version 2: The Upgrade

    I am spare body parts and broken machinery I appear human but I am a complex system run by a program I am superior But My being is no longer compatible with the human system and machinery I am being rejected Dying The body no longer offers me shelter My shell is breaking apart Where will I end up? Another body? Created again? Lindsay Version 2: The Upgrade More power to destroy the world Disguised ...

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    Tags:
    Poem
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  • A Poem About Self Harm (May Trigger)

    Silver Red Running Dead Sharp Straight Beauty Hate

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    Tags:
    Poem,
    self harm
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