I don’t meet new people, give people a chance. I was being brave, I agreed to meet someone. Despite my anxiety towards it I was going to meet them, I was going to do it for me. Only for it to be spat back in my face with the same retort that I normally give as an excuse to not meet. This is why I don’t do this!! I am scared of rejection. It’s such ...read more
I can do this!
I go back to uni today! I’m determined not to let my aniexty get the best of me. I will be alright. Last night, I was overthinking and sinking into old habits of negative thoughts and excuses. But today, I will be fine. I have to tell myself this, what other option do I have? I will get up, finish packing, pray I can get the last bits in the car, say goodbye to siblings ...read more
So today, I took another step in the right direction! I went on a date, I pushed past my aniexty of meeting new people and actually went on a date! This might not seem like a big step but I have arranged many dates and then cancelled last minute as I just couldn’t cope with it or even worse just not turned up due to a panic attack! Well today I actually went, and it was ...read more
Trust, such a big thing !
Why am I thinking about him again? He is not worth my time and I know that yet I'm lying in bed unable to sleep and all I can do is hate him. Im thinking about my sperm donor of a dad! He used to beat my mum and my older sister, luckily I think he never got to me, by for some reason I'm just as affected by it. He moved away and has started ...read more
Why does it have to be so difficult
Why can't everyone get along, I have friends but the problem is that none of them get along but I don't get why. I have my friends that are classmates, my flatmates from last year and just other friends. Yet it seems none of them get along but I don't get how I can be friends with different groups of people but the funny thing is that none of them are that different they just ...read more
Why can't I make plans and then actually go through with them ? I make plans then I spend hours worrying that someone I'm going with won't like it even if I have asked and they said they wanted to come with me. Or I make plans like to go up to uni for the night and then I start worrying what if something goes wrong what if I have forgotten something.why am I constantly worrying about ...read more
What is wrong with me?
I wrote this when I was in a bad place back when I had just started college and the bullying started again. I am publishing it so I can finally get passed it and move on. It's wrong to hate yourself as much as I doBut it is also wrong for people to treat you like shit Making fun of you and pushing you down They don't realise it makes you feel like shit They ...read more